The Bible does not give a definitive yes or no answer to whether Christians should actively look for a spouse, but it does provide some guidance that can help us think through this question. Ultimately, the decision of whether and how to look for a spouse is one that each person must make before God, seeking wisdom and relying on the Spirit’s leading.
On one hand, the Bible presents marriage as a good gift from God and many biblical characters actively pursue spouses or are intentional about finding a wife/husband. For example, Isaac sends his servant to find a wife for him (Genesis 24), Ruth purposefully seeks to marry Boaz (Ruth 3), and Paul says that if a man burns with passion he should marry (1 Corinthians 7:9). So the Bible does not prohibit or discourage active spouse-seeking in principle. In fact, for those called to marriage, intentional pursuit of a Godly spouse makes sense.
However, the Bible does not command marriage or make spouse-seeking obligatory. Paul encourages singleness for undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). He also instructs widows younger than 60 to consider remarriage (1 Timothy 5:14). So there is freedom in Christ regarding marrying or staying single. Actively seeking a spouse is permissible but not required. Some may be called to initiate a search, while others called to contented singleness.
When considering the question, we must remember that God is sovereign over every circumstance. He promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him as they live according to His will (Romans 8:28). So whether single or married, He has a purpose and will provide grace daily to those submitted to Christ. We should not view marriage as essential for fulfillment.
That said, for those sensing God’s direction into marriage, active yet wise pursuit of a spouse seems appropriate. Key principles for God-honoring spouse-seeking include:
- Pray and seek the Spirit’s guidance at each step.
- Consider using Christian dating sites/services to meet potential spouses who share your faith and values.
- Don’t become obsessed with finding a spouse; maintain contentment and identity in Christ.
- Seek wise counsel from mature believers.
- Date intentionally, not recreationally, assessing character and compatibility.
- Lead with biblical character and spiritual maturity, not superficial attributes.
- Keep high standards for a husband/wife who complements you spiritually.
- Avoid compromising convictions or purity to attract a spouse.
- Commit to honor God in all your dating/relationship choices and boundaries.
In conclusion, the Bible does not require active spouse-seeking but allows for it within God’s will. For those sensing a call to marriage, intentional yet Spirit-led pursuit of a Godly mate makes sense. However, we must remember that contented singleness is also honorable. Whether married or single, our purpose is to glorify God who promises to satisfy the desires of those who delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). He knows what is best for us.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)
The decision to actively seek a spouse is a personal one that requires prayer, wisdom and seeking the Spirit’s guidance. For those called to marriage, intentional yet Spirit-led pursuit of a Godly mate aligns with biblical principles. Yet we must also embrace contented singleness if that is God’s will for this season. Whatever our marital status, our purpose remains bringing glory to Christ who promises to satisfy those who find delight in Him.
Some key points to remember include:
- The Bible allows but does not require active spouse-seeking.
- Intentional pursuit of a Godly mate makes sense for those called to marriage.
- Singleness is also honorable and may be God’s will for some.
- Pray and seek the Spirit’s guidance when considering relationships/marriage.
- Maintain identity in Christ and don’t make marriage an idol.
- God is sovereign and works all things for our good as we follow Him.
Though the Bible does not command we must find a spouse, God graciously allows for the pursuit of marriage. For those called to it, seeking a Godly husband or wife seems appropriate. However, we must hold marriage loosely and find ultimate satisfaction in Christ. Whether single or married, we can joyfully glorify God who promises to satisfy the longings of those who take delight in Him.