The issue of whether a Christian who is a virgin should marry someone who is not a virgin is a complex one that requires careful consideration of biblical principles. There are good arguments on both sides of this issue, and Christians of good faith can disagree on the best approach. Ultimately, the decision depends on the specific circumstances of the couple and their own conscience before God. However, there are some biblical guidelines that can inform this decision.
Biblical Teaching on Premarital Sex and Virginity
The Bible consistently teaches that God’s plan is for sex to occur only within marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5). Passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18 instruct believers to flee from sexual immorality and to honor God with their bodies. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 similarly exhorts Christians to abstain from sexual immorality and “control their own bodies in holiness and honor.”
In this biblical framework, remaining sexually pure as a virgin until marriage is highly valued. Passages like 2 Corinthians 11:2 portray the church as a “pure virgin” that is promised to Christ. This indicates that virginity is a sacred and special gift to be preserved for marriage. Additionally, Deuteronomy 22:13-21 describes the great importance and value placed on a bride’s virginity in Jewish culture.
Is it a Sin to Marry a Non-Virgin?
Given this strong biblical emphasis on sexual purity, some Christians argue that it would be inherently sinful for a virgin to marry someone who is not a virgin. They contend that marrying a non-virgin would make the virgin “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) with someone who has engaged in serious sexual sin outside of God’s will. It could also potentially subject the virgin to temptations and struggles stemming from the non-virgin’s past sexual activities.
However, while Scripture emphasizes the importance of premarital virginity, it does not strictly forbid or condemn marriage between a virgin and non-virgin. For example, in 1 Corinthians 7:28, Paul states that if a virgin marries, “she has not sinned.” He does not specify that her spouse must also be a virgin. Additionally, just a few verses earlier in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, Paul encourages believers to remain with non-believing spouses if the non-believing spouse consents to the marriage.
So while Scripture upholds the high value of premarital sexual purity, it does not appear to strictly prohibit marriage between a virgin and non-virgin. The more pertinent questions have to do with issues like whether the non-virgin has repented and reformed from past sexual immorality, whether there are ongoing temptations or struggles, and whether the couple is spiritually incompatible or “unequally yoked” in other ways besides virginity status.
Practical Considerations in Marrying a Non-Virgin
When considering marriage to a non-virgin, there are several practical issues that Christian couples should carefully reflect and pray about:
- Has the non-virgin confessed past sexual sin and repented? Do they display evidence of a transformed life? (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- Is the non-virgin free from ongoing temptations, addictions, or bondage related to their past sexual activities? (1 Corinthians 6:12)
- Does the non-virgin feel shame or guilt that could negatively impact the marriage? Is the virgin prepared to extend grace and forgiveness? (Ephesians 4:32)
- Could it be difficult for the virgin to feel emotionally or physically intimate without resentment or jealousy? Are they able to show Christ-like love? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) Are there other significant spiritual differences causing concerns about being “unequally yoked”? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
- Are both individuals committed to chastity from this point forward until marriage? (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
- Do both feel prepared to embrace God’s redemptive grace and start fresh as a new creation in Christ? (2 Corinthians 5:17)
These questions can help couples evaluate if they are ready for marriage in light of the unique challenges posed by differing virginity statuses. Open communication, prayer, premarital counseling, and continued accountability can help couples build a strong foundation.
Biblical Advice for Addressing Sexual History
For Christian couples where one individual has lost their virginity, God’s Word offers hope, wisdom, and guidance to move forward in His grace:
- Acknowledge that premarital sex is a sin, but Jesus offers complete forgiveness. (1 John 1:9)
- Seek healing and restoration through prayer, Christian counseling, or support groups. (James 5:16)
- Pursue purity and abstinence going forward. Avoid tempting situations. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
- Focus on developing a strong spiritual foundation as a couple, beyond just physical intimacy. (2 Corinthians 7:1)
- Seek mentorship from mature Christian couples who can provide guidance and accountability. (Titus 2:2-8)
- Keep sexo sacred by saving intimacy for marriage. (Hebrews 13:4)
- Extend grace to each other, just as Christ has extended grace to you. (Ephesians 4:32)
- Rely on the Holy Spirit and God’s Word to transform hearts and minds. (Romans 12:1-2)
- Trust that God can bring beauty from brokenness. (Romans 8:28)
With faith in Christ and submission to God’s plans, couples with different premarital sexual histories can still honor Him through their relationship and marriage.
Potential Benefits of Marrying a Non-Virgin
Despite the challenges posed by differing sexual histories, there are also potential benefits that couples can glean when a virgin marries a non-virgin:
- The non-virgin may have a greater appreciation for the sacred gift of sexuality and commitment to using it according to God’s will in marriage.
- Marrying as a non-virgin requires great humility, repentance and dependence on God’s grace.
- The virgin can develop a deeper understanding of the beauty of grace, redemption, and starting fresh in Christ.
- As individuals and couples submit to God’s refining process, their testimony of transformation can bless others.
- The virgin can grow in love, mercy, and Christ-like sacrificial care for their spouse.
- Heaven will rejoice over every sinner who repents, including non-virgin spouses. (Luke 15:7)
- Marriages built on repentance, forgiveness and renewal are beautiful testaments to God’s power to redeem and restore.
With prayer and wise counsel, couples can develop a thriving marriage and family as they lean on Christ, even if they have different premarital sexual histories.
Guidance for Virgins Considering Marriage to a Non-Virgin
Here are some key points of guidance for virgins considering marriage to a non-virgin:
- Consider your fiancé’s spiritual maturity and evidence of a transformed life in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- Discuss your concerns openly. Seek premarital counseling to work through any issues. (Ephesians 4:15)
- Make sure you both share the same biblical values about intimacy and faithfulness. (Amos 3:3)
- Don’t allow bitterness, anger or guilt to corrupt love. Follow Christ’s model of grace and humility. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
- Rely on Christian community for support, mentorship and growth together. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
- Focus on building spiritual intimacy and communication first, above physical connection. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
- Consider creative ways to honor virginity, such as re-dedicating purity vows together during the wedding ceremony.
- Trust God to sanctify your union in marriage. Seek His wisdom and strength. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
- Look forward in hope. Believe that God can make all things new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
While not without challenges, virgins can honor God in marriage to a repentant non-virgin by extending grace, pursuing spiritual growth together, and relying on Christ’s redemption to build a strong marriage and family.
Advice for Non-Virgins Marrying a Virgin
For those who have lost their virginity and desire to marry a virgin spouse, here are some key pieces of advice:
- Be humble and transparent about your past. Confess any sins and pursue healing. (James 5:16)
- Strive to live worthy of trust and avoid tempting situations. Your character speaks loudly. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
- Handle questions and concerns from your fiancé gently. Offer reassurance through godly actions. (Matthew 5:8)
- Consider modifying wedding traditions, like dressing unveilings, to honor your fiancé’s purity. (Philippians 2:3-4)
- Seek premarital counseling to discuss intimacy expectations and build understanding. (Proverbs 20:18)
- Accept that your spouse may struggle with jealousy about your past experiences. Give grace. (1 Peter 4:8)
- Establish spiritual accountability to help safeguard your sexual integrity going forward. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
- Remember that marriage is a fresh start in Christ. Let go of guilt and shame as you move forward. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- Make your marriage bed pure by focusing on intimacy based on love and commitment rather than lust. (Hebrews 13:4)
- Let your redeemed life testify to the beauty of God’s grace and sanctifying power. (1 Peter 3:1-2)
Approaching marriage with prayer, humility, and open communication can help lead to a thriving God-honoring union, by His redemptive grace.
Encouragement for Parents Advising Virgin Children
Parents advising adult virgin children about potentially marrying a non-virgin can offer wisdom and perspective by:
- Affirming the value of sexual purity while extending grace to non-virgins. (Colossians 3:12-13)
- Encouraging thoughtful consideration of a fiancé’s spiritual maturity and growth in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- Advising premarital counseling to discuss intimacy expectations openly. (Proverbs 20:18)
- Refraining from judgment or condemnation. Lovingly express concerns. (Matthew 7:1-2)
- Suggesting creative ways to honor virginity within marriage traditions. (1 Corinthians 7:34)
- Reminding them of God’s mercy and redemption. (Psalm 103:2-4)
- Offering support no matter the decision, while guiding them in biblical wisdom. (Proverbs 11:14)
- Embracing both individuals into the family based on their faith, not just past mistakes. (Luke 15:11-32)
- Highlighting Christ’s power to make all things new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Approaching this sensitive situation as an opportunity for growth and relying on biblical principles about grace and redemption can help parents advise their children toward God-honoring marriages.
Conclusion
Deciding whether to marry as a virgin to someone with previous sexual experience requires thoughtful reflection, prayer, and counsel. While a challenging situation, God can bless and strengthen marriages that are founded on godly principles of faith, repentance, grace and Christ-centered intimacy. Christians must remember to extend to others the same grace that Christ has so mercifully extended to all believers. Marriages characterized by redemption, forgiveness and sacrificial love bring great glory to God and provide meaningful testimonies of His sanctifying power.