Christian Communication – What Are the Keys?
Communication is a vital part of the Christian life. The Bible has much to say about how Christians should communicate with God and with each other. Here are some of the keys to biblical Christian communication:
Listening
Listening is an important part of communication that is often overlooked. James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Being quick to listen shows respect and love for the other person. It also helps us better understand them before responding.
Being slow to speak ensures we aren’t hasty with our words or speaking without thinking first. Listening patiently and carefully before replying is a mark of wisdom (Proverbs 18:13). It’s better to listen first and understand than to answer too quickly.
Speaking Truthfully
Christians are called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Honesty and transparency should characterize our speech, not deception or manipulation. Jesus said “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37). Aim for truthfulness, not exaggeration or embellishment.
Speaking Gently
The wise person turns away anger with gentle words (Proverbs 15:1). Though we speak truthfully, it should be with patience, kindness and self-control. “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs 12:25). Angry, harsh speech tears down rather than builds up.
Building Others Up
Our words should build up others, not tear them down. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Avoid gossip, slander, profanity, complaining or harsh criticism. Use speech to encourage and strengthen one another.
Seasoned with Grace
The key to gracious speech is having Jesus’ grace in our hearts. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). Pray for God’s grace to permeate our speech and respond gently even when provoked. Think before speaking.
Extending Forgiveness
Christ commands us to forgive others as God has forgiven us (Matthew 6:14-15; Ephesians 4:32). This includes not holding grudges or bringing up past wrongs. Don’t repay insults with insults (1 Peter 3:9). Let go of bitterness and speak with kindness. Forgiveness allows relationships to be restored.
Praying Together
Christians should pray together and for one another. “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Lifting each other up in prayer deepens intimacy and trust. The more we pray together, the more united we’ll be.
Speaking with Purpose
The tongue has power, and we’re accountable for how we use it. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). Don’t speak just to hear yourself talk. Make sure your words have purpose and are uplifting. Say only what is beneficial.
Avoiding Gossip
“Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). Gossip spreads strife. If someone gossips to you, avoid participating and change the subject. Refuse to listen to or spread hurtful rumors. Instead, speak positively about others.
Being Quick to Apologize
When we sin with our words, be quick to apologize and ask forgiveness. “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). Pride should not keep us from admitting when we’re wrong.
Bridling the Tongue
Controlling our tongues is vital but challenging. “All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:7-8). Ask God for wisdom and self-control over our speech. Think carefully before speaking.
Avoiding Quarreling
“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3). Foolish people start arguments easily. As Christians we should avoid unnecessary disputes and conflicts. Let love cover offenses instead of quarreling over them.
Speaking Words of Life
Jesus said “The words I have spoken to you – they are full of the Spirit and life” (John 6:63). As we spend time in God’s word, our own words become more uplifting. The Holy Spirit will prompt us to offer words of grace, hope and encouragement. Others will be refreshed.
Proclaiming Christ
Believers have the honor of proclaiming the gospel. “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” (Romans 10:15). Look for opportunities to turn conversations toward eternal matters. There’s no greater act of love than introducing people to Jesus.
Being An Encouragement
Those around us need encouragement. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today” (Hebrews 3:13). Make it a habit to build up and strengthen others through your speech. Offer hope, care and support generously. Your words can make a difference.
Avoiding Slander And Gossip
Don’t speak negatively about someone who isn’t present. “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Spreading damaging information is slander, even if it’s true. Refuse to listen to gossip and avoid passing it on to others.
Being Truthful And Straightforward
“An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies” (Proverbs 14:5). Always be truthful in your speech. Don’t embellish stories or exaggerate details. Aim for accuracy. Don’t pretend to agree if you have a different perspective. Honesty strengthens relationships.
Avoiding Flattery
Flattery can be deceptive. “A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (Proverbs 26:28). Don’t insincerely praise others just to get on their good side. Use sincere encouragement, not empty flattery. Excessive flattery breeds distrust.
Being Patient And Slow To Anger
Often it’s better to patiently hold your tongue. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Don’t always demand to have your say. Allow others to speak without interrupting them. This prevents arguments.
Avoiding Quarrels And Strife
Christians should actively avoid quarrels and strife. “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3). Don’t let pride draw you into unnecessary disputes. Focus on finding common ground rather than arguing over differences.
Using Words Cautiously
“Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). Think carefully before you speak, especially when emotions are running high. Once words are out, you can’t take them back. Use restraint to avoid careless speech.
Being Edifying
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). Make it your aim to use speech to build others up, not tear them down. Look for ways to encourage and strengthen others with your words.
Avoiding Slander
Slander involves spreading harmful information about someone, often when they are not present to defend themselves. “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). Refuse to listen to slander. Don’t fall into the trap of passing it on. Instead, speak well of others.
Being Trustworthy
“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much” (Proverbs 20:19). Don’t break confidences or share things told you in private. Be known as someone who is discreet and keeps their word. This builds trust and strong friendships.
Avoiding Quarrels
Arguments easily flare up if we aren’t careful with our speech. “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2). We don’t have to express every thought or correct every misperception. Sometimes it’s best to quietly overlook an offense.
Praying Before Responding
Pray before reacting to provocation or criticism. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32). Don’t immediately retaliate with your own harsh words. Pause, pray, and think before speaking so you don’t overreact.
Being Thoughtful In Speech
Don’t just say the first thing that pops into your mind. “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). Put thought into your conversations. The most valuable thing we can give someone is our full attention. Don’t be distracted when talking.
Avoiding Gossip
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Don’t participate in gossip. Change the subject or walk away rather than getting involved. Refuse to pass along hurtful information. Protect others by keeping gossip out of your circle.
Being Slow To Offend
Love “is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Follow Jesus’ example of patience with people’s offenses. Don’t keep score or hold grudges. Let go of bitterness toward those who’ve wronged you. Assume the best of others.
Bridling The Tongue
“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26). Make it a priority to exercise control over your speech. Don’t just say everything you think. With God’s help, you can tame the tongue.
Speaking With Discernment
“The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil” (Proverbs 15:28). Follow your heart more than your impulses. Before speaking, examine your motives. Are you contributing something worthwhile to the conversation or just speaking thoughtlessly?
Being An Active Listener
Listening well requires full concentration and self-control. Avoid distractions and give your undivided attention. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Show interest in what is being shared.
Avoiding Perverse Speech
Do not let uncouth speech come out of your mouth. “Perverseness in it is a snare to the soul” (Proverbs 22:25). Don’t use profanity, filthy language, or crude humor. These dishonor God and hurt others. Set a high standard for your speech.
Being Wise In How We Speak
“The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly” (Proverbs 15:12). Wisdom should characterize our speech. Is what I’m about to say wise and helpful? Or foolish and destructive? Consider the possible impact before speaking thoughtlessly.
Being Truthful
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (Ephesians 4:25) Our speech should be free from lies, exaggerations and deceit. Honesty develops trust and strengthens relationships. Tell the truth in love.
Rejoicing In Christ
Christians have endless reasons to rejoice in the Lord. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4) Make praise, worship and rejoicing part of your regular speech. Verbalizing our joy in Christ lifts the spirit and breeds hope.
Proclaiming God’s Truth
“Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season” (2 Timothy 4:2). Look for opportunities to turn conversations toward spiritual matters and proclaim biblical truths. Don’t miss chances to help others find salvation because you avoid spiritual topics.
Encouraging Others In Christ
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Make it a habit to regularly encourage fellow believers in their faith. Remind them of God’s promises and urge them to keep pursuing Christ.
Avoiding Quarreling About Words
Sometimes it’s best to avoid arguments, even over biblical matters. “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” (2 Timothy 2:23) Graciously agree to disagree rather than quarreling. Unity is more important than winning a dispute.
Proclaiming God’s Word
“Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction.” (2 Timothy 4:2) Look for opportunities to share God’s word. Let it richly dwell in you so you can impart biblical truth to others.
Avoiding Slander And Gossip
Christians must avoid engaging in slander or gossip. “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:16) Refuse to participate when others are speaking inappropriately about someone.
Being An Encourager
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13) Make encouragement a daily habit. Look for specific ways to strengthen and build up others regularly. Your words can make a big difference.
Proclaiming Christ Boldly
“Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel” (Ephesians 6:19). Pray for boldness in declaring Christ. Don’t shy away from opportunities. Rely on the Spirit’s power to speak effectively.
Being Patient And Slow To Anger
As Christians, we are called to be patient and slow to anger when communicating. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Don’t immediately respond in anger. Be thoughtful in your speech.
Speaking With Grace And Truth
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6) Season your speech with grace. Present truth in a loving, compassionate way. Think about how you’d want to be corrected and follow the Golden Rule.
Encouraging Fellow Believers
The church needs to build each other up. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Make it a daily habit to encourage and strengthen fellow Christians in their faith through your speech.
Being An Active Listener
Listening is an undervalued communication skill. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become anger” (James 1:19). Give your full attention. Avoid interrupting. Reflect back what you hear. Ask clarifying questions. These demonstrate care.
Proclaiming God’s Grace
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:6) Make God’s grace central in your interactions. Be gracious in speech, thoughtful in responding, quick to forgive. Let Christ’s mercy flow through your words.
Avoiding Quarrels And Arguments
“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” (Titus 3:1-2) Don’t get drawn into unnecessary arguments and quarrels. Be gentle, peaceful, and considerate even when you disagree with others.
Being An Encouragement
Christians should make encouragement an intentional habit. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13) Think of specific ways to strengthen and build up others every day through your speech.
Proclaiming God’s Love
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” (John 15:9) Let all your conversations be permeated with God’s love. Speak His compassion, grace, patience, kindness and forgiveness over people’s lives. Reflect Christ’s heart in your interactions.
Being Quick To Listen
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Listen patiently without interrupting. Avoid being preoccupied with your own response. Show interest in understanding their perspective. This demonstrates Christlike humility.
These are some of the most important principles from Scripture on Christian communication. Our speech has great power. As we walk in step with the Spirit, He will guide us to use words in a way that glorifies God and blesses others. May our communication reflect the grace, truth and love of Christ.