Dealing with mean people can be very difficult. From rude comments to bullying behaviors, meanness can make life unpleasant and stressful. As Christians, how should we handle mean people and unfair treatment? The Bible offers much wisdom on this topic.
Understand where meanness comes from
First, the Bible teaches that meanness and unkindness stem from the sinful human heart. Jesus said, “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23). The root of mean words and actions is the inner sinful condition we are all born with.
Knowing this can help us respond with compassion. Mean people are acting out of their own spiritual brokenness and need for healing. As Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”
Do not repay evil for evil
It’s natural to want to retaliate against those who hurt us. However, the Bible expressly forbids this. Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” 1 Peter 3:9 likewise says, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”
As challenging as it is, God calls us to break the cycle of evil by absorbing it, not repaying it. By turning the other cheek and loving enemies, we can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
Let go of bitterness and retaliation
Nursing grudges and fantasizing about getting even will only poison our souls. Hebrews 12:15 warns about allowing “a root of bitterness” to grow up and defile us. We must forgive others as God has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). This includes forgiving even egregious sins against us, just as Stephen exemplified in Acts 7 by praying for his murderers as he was being stoned to death.
To let go of bitterness, we can follow Jesus’ advice to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). With God’s help, we can forgive those who have harmed us and wish them well rather than wishing them harm.
Entrust yourself to God
Rather than taking vengeance into our own hands, the Bible tells us to entrust ourselves to God, who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23 says that when Jesus was insulted and abused, “He did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
We can follow Jesus’ example, trusting that God sees all things and will make everything right in the end. God promises, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay” (Romans 12:19, Hebrews 10:30). Therefore we can let go of the desire for payback and believe God will handle it.
Speak the truth in love
There may be times when a gentle rebuke of meanness is called for. If so, we should heed Paul’s advice: “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15). Our words should always be tempered with patience, kindness and care for the other person rather than retaliation.
Jesus modeled speaking hard truth but with a heart of love. For example, when confronting the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, he did not insult or attack them but appealed to them graciously (Matthew 23:1-36). We too can stand up for what’s right while still showing the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Avoid evil people when possible
The Bible advises limiting contact with those who consistently act in destructive ways. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 similarly says, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
When people are abusive and show no signs of repentance, we are not obligated to remain in close relationship with them. We can love them from a distance. Jesus said that when people repeatedly reject you, “shake off the dust from your feet” and move on (Matthew 10:14).
Wait on God’s justice and deliverance
Rather than obsessing over getting immediate relief from unfair treatment, the Bible tells us to wait patiently for God’s justice and deliverance in due time. “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret,” says Psalm 37:7.
God may allow a season of endurance, but he will not abandon his people. “The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble” (Psalm 37:39). In the end, evildoers will get their due and believers will be vindicated.
Learn from biblical examples
Many godly men and women in Scripture endured persecution, slander and abuse with amazing grace. Joseph forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery (Genesis 50:15-21). David showed mercy to Saul despite years of unjust persecution (1 Samuel 26:7-25). Job accepted unimaginable afflictions without cursing God.
These examples and many more provide powerful models for responding to unfair treatment with humility, faith and patience in God’s justice. They understood that “it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God” (1 Peter 2:19).
Grow in Christlike character
Being mistreated can grow our faith and refine our Christlike character if we respond biblically. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” James 1:2-4 echoes this: “Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”
While unpleasant, persecution can motivate us to deepen our relationship with Christ. It makes us more dependent on him, driving us to prayer and Scripture. With an eternal perspective, we can see trials—by God’s grace—as opportunities to become more like Jesus.
Be motivated by love
As Christians, our highest motivation is the love of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:14). Therefore, even when responding to enemies, we act out of care and concern for them. Paul said, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1).
We return good for evil because we have God’s love dwelling within us. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We show grace because we have received infinite, undeserved grace. We endure suffering in hope that others may come to know Christ.
Trust God’s sovereignty over all
Ultimately, dealing with mean people requires trust in God’s sovereignty. We take comfort knowing that nothing takes God by surprise and no one can thwart his purposes. Jesus prayed, “You know me, and you know where I come from…I have overcome the world” (John 17:25-33). Through union with Christ, we too can overcome the world’s hostility by relying on God’s power and goodness.
Joseph reassured his brothers, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). No matter how unfairly people treat us, God works it for our growth and his glory. Clinging to God’s sovereignty gives us strength to endure and show Christ’s love.
In summary, the Bible provides much practical wisdom for dealing with meanness. By relying on God for help, we can avoid bitterness and retaliation, forgive others as we have been forgiven, entrust justice to God, limit contact when needed, wait patiently on the Lord, follow godly examples, grow in Christlike character, act in love, and trust in God’s sovereignty. With the Spirit’s help, we can overcome evil with good.