Dealing with negative people can be very challenging. Their pessimism, criticism, and negativity can drain our energy and joy. What guidance does the Bible offer on relating to negative people?
Recognize that negativity stems from the inner person
The Bible teaches that negativity springs from the inner condition of the heart. Jesus said, “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23). Negativity and pessimism stem from the fallen human heart.
Therefore, when relating to negative people, we need to remember that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). Negativity is ultimately a spiritual issue, not just a behavioral one.
Avoid absorbing the negativity of others
Since negativity arises from within people, we need to be careful about internalizing the negative words and attitudes of others. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals,'” Paul warns (1 Corinthians 15:33). We become shaped and influenced by the company we keep.
The book of Proverbs similarly warns, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). Absorbing too much negativity can be spiritually unhealthy for us.
We should aim to be compassionate and caring toward negative people, while still maintaining healthy boundaries against the absorption of pessimism. “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves,” Jesus instructed (Matthew 10:16). Grace and truth, not pessimism, should mark our lives.
Avoid responding in kind
When we encounter negative people, the natural human response is often to react in kind with our own negativity. “A harsh word stirs up anger,” says the book of Proverbs (15:1). Angry words tend to beget more angry words.
Instead, Jesus calls us to break that cycle by responding differently: “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27-28). We can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
This does not mean allowing ourselves to be mistreated. Jesus confronted wrongdoing and hypocrisy when necessary (Matthew 23). But he did so with righteous anger, not personal bitterness or negativity. As 1 Peter 3:9 instructs, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless.”
Be patient and forgiving
Dealing with negative people requires cultivating patience and forgiveness. “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression,” says Proverbs 19:11. Taking offense easily leads to more strife.
We should seek to be quick to forgive, just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you,” Paul writes in Ephesians 4:32. This applies even when people do not repent and ask forgiveness of us.
Of course, forgiveness does not mean enabling sin or wrongdoing to continue. But it does mean releasing bitterness and negativity in our own hearts. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Romans 12:18 summarizes.
Focus on sharing God’s grace and truth
Rather than absorbing and reflecting the negativity of others, God calls us to shine with his light and truth. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person,” Colossians 4:6 instructs.
This includes sharing God’s offer of grace and forgiveness in Jesus Christ. For “God has committed to us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). As his ambassadors, we have the privilege of sharing the gospel of grace with others (2 Corinthians 5:20).
Standing for truth is important, but doing so with God’s grace, compassion, and mercy. “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone,” 2 Timothy 2:24 summarizes. Our words should aim to build others up (Ephesians 4:29).
Prayer and the Holy Spirit’s help
In dealing with negative people, one of our best resources is prayer. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God,” Philippians 4:6 instructs.
We need prayer for patience, compassion, wisdom, and God’s love for difficult people. We also need prayer for our own hearts, that we “not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
In prayer, we have the gift of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 describes the Spirit’s work in our lives: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” These traits are essential in relating to negative people in a Christ-like manner.
Leave judgment to God
The Bible warns us not to repay evil for evil or to take our own revenge (Romans 12:17, 19). Judgment belongs to God alone, not us. “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord,'” Romans 12:19 states.
Therefore we can release others into God’s hands, praying for their repentance and restoration, but leaving judgment to Him. “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers… Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls,” James 4:11-12 warns.
As Matthew 7:1-2 summarizes, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged.” Our role is gracious love, not condemnation.
Have realistic expectations
When relating to negative people, we should avoid expecting immediate transformation in their behavior or attitudes. Change often occurs slowly.
We need realistic expectations, recognizing God is at work in His timing. “Love is patient and kind,” 1 Corinthians 13:4 reminds us. “Be patient toward all,” 1 Thessalonians 5:14 adds. Just as God has been patient with us, we need to extend patience to others.
Our role is faithfully living out God’s grace and truth in their lives. The results are ultimately up to Him. “In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” 1 Peter 3:15 summarizes.
Entrust difficult people to God’s hands
When encountering deeply negative people and situations that seem unchanging, we need to entrust them to God’s hands. We are called to be faithful, not necessarily successful by the world’s standards. Our responsibility is to love others through God’s power and grace.
As Paul writes, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). Ultimately, we must trust God with people and situations that seem unsolvable. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you,” the Psalms assure us (55:22).
God knows each person’s heart and situation perfectly. He can reach and change even the most broken or hardened person. As Jeremiah 32:27 declares, “I am the Lord… Is anything too hard for me?” With God, there is always hope.
Keep an eternal perspective
In relating to negative people, maintaining an eternal perspective is essential. Life on earth is temporary, but eternity awaits all people after death (Hebrews 9:27). Every person will one day stand before God in judgment (Hebrews 9:27).
Therefore, how we relate to and pray for difficult people matters greatly. As Matthew 5:44 reminds us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Our lives are but a mist (James 4:14), but eternity looms before us. “So we make it our goal to please him,” Paul explains in 2 Corinthians 5:9.
With an eternal perspective, we can rest in God’s hands when dealing with seemingly unsolvable negativity in people’s hearts. Our calling is faithfulness and gracious love. “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain,” 1 Corinthians 15:58 encourages.
Walk closely with God each day
At the heart of relating to negative people in a Christ-like manner is nurturing our own walk with God. “Abide in me, and I in you,” Jesus said in John 15:4. Our connection to Him is the source of patience, compassion, wisdom, and love.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing,” John 15:5 adds. Apart from Christ, we easily reflect the negativity around us. Walking closely with Him daily is essential.
Pursuing spiritual disciplines like Bible study, prayer, fellowship, and worship helps us “walk in the light as he is in the light” (1 John 1:7). As we do, His love flows through us, overcoming darkness and negativity with His light and grace. Our lives can make a profound difference as we walk with God.