The topic of whether women in biblical times had a choice in who they married is an interesting one. There are a variety of examples and perspectives presented throughout the Bible that provide insight into this question. While practices and customs varied across different cultures and time periods, examining key passages helps illuminate what the Scripture has to say about the agency women had in their marital decisions.
Examples of Arranged Marriages
There are several instances in the Bible where marriages were arranged by male family members, often the father. This was a common cultural practice in ancient patriarchal societies. For example, Abraham arranged for his servant to travel back to his homeland to find a wife for his son Isaac rather than allowing Isaac to choose his own wife (Genesis 24). Similarly, Samson’s parents took the lead in arranging his marriage to a Philistine woman, though the marriage was ill-advised and problematic (Judges 14). The practice of arranged marriages kept marital decisions under the authority and wisdom of fathers and male leaders.
Another example is in 1 Samuel 18 where King Saul arranges for his daughter Michal to be married to David, largely for political reasons. Saul hoped this marriage would keep David loyal to him. However, his scheme backfired when Michal helped David escape from Saul. While the text does not explicitly state whether Michal had a choice in marrying David, the political nature of the arrangement implies her consent was not a priority.
Examples of Marriages Based on Romantic Love
Despite arranged marriages being common, the Bible does contain portrayals of marriages founded on romantic love and choice. For instance, Jacob loved Rachel from the moment he met her at a well and agreed to work seven years for her father Laban in order to marry her (Genesis 29). Their love story shows romantic inclination driving marital decisions, at least on Jacob’s part. Rachel’s thoughts are less clear, but the passage still shows that not all marriages were pragmatically arranged.
The love poetry in the Song of Solomon provides another depiction of a couple freely choosing to marry out of affection for one another. Verses such as “My beloved is mine and I am his…I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me” (Song of Solomon 2:16; 7:10) indicate this marriage was based on reciprocal love and desire, rather than arrangement. While these sentiments are recorded after their marriage began, they imply a romantic genesis. The depiction in the Book of Ruth of Ruth choosing to marry Boaz through her loyalty and proposal to him also demonstrates female initiative in marital decisions.
Fathers Maintaining Authority
Though there are examples of love-based marriages, even these instances often involved the woman’s father maintaining authority over approving the marriage. For instance, Jacob had to gain Laban’s permission to marry Rachel despite Jacob’s and Rachel’s mutual love (Genesis 29:18-20). Rebekah’s brother Laban replied on behalf of her when Abraham’s servant asked to take her as a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24:50-51). Additionally, even though Ruth proposed to Boaz, she still sought the guidance and blessing of her mother-in-law Naomi (Ruth 3:1-5). So even in cases of romantic inclination, fathers and male authorities were typically involved.
Mosaic Law’s Regulation of Marriage
The Mosaic Law provided legislation God gave Israel to govern daily life, relationships, and worship. In regard to marriage, the Law did not explicitly prohibit or endorse arranged marriages but did regulate marital practices. For instance, it commanded capital punishment for a man raping an unmarried woman but then required he marry her if her father approved (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). This potentially constrained a woman’s marital choice by mandating marriage to her rapist. However, the law protected virgins from false accusations and prohibited fathers from unjustly refusing marriage proposals to their daughters (Deuteronomy 22:13-21). So while emphasizing a father’s authority, the Law also constrained it.
New Testament Teaching on Marriage
The New Testament contains teaching on marriage that implies a woman’s consent was an important consideration. 1 Corinthians 7:39 instructs that a widow should marry “only in the Lord,” implying choice in the decision. Paul teaches that husbands and wives have conjugal rights over one another’s bodies, emphasizing a cooperative marital relationship (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Ephesians 5:25 exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, caring for her needs and desires. So while not directly addressing arranged marriage, the New Testament teaches respect for both partners’ interests.
Historical and Social Context
The biblical text arose from historical and cultural contexts where arranged marriage was a social norm. But exceptions exist, and its patriarchal backdrop does not mean the Bible condones coercive practices. As with other issues like slavery, the moral trajectory moves toward justice and human dignity while contextualized in ancient societies. Hence, the Bible’s emphasis on protecting virgins, romantic desire in marriage, and caring for wives implies respecting women’s choice even when its original audience may not have recognized its modern implications.
Conclusion
In summary, the evidence suggests women in biblical times frequently experienced arranged marriages outside of their control. This reflected ancient social norms. However, romantic love and personal choice still surfaced as themes, even if a father’s approval remained important. Mosaic Law tried regulating marriage customs to protect vulnerable women. And New Testament teachings called for respect and care of wives in a progressive way. So while lacking modern sensibilities of women’s autonomy, the Bible does contain ethical currents suggesting marriage should involve a woman’s consent.