Does marriage hinder your relationship with God?
Marriage is a gift from God, meant to be an earthly picture of Christ’s relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:32). However, like all good things, marriage can become an idol if we allow it to distract us from God. Though marriage is not inherently sinful, it does present some unique challenges and pitfalls for our walk with God.
Oneness in Marriage
When God instituted marriage, he designed it so that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This profound oneness is one of the blessings of marriage, but it can also lead to potential issues.
If we treat our spouse as our primary soulmate, confidant, comforter, and priority, we risk looking to them for needs that only God can fulfill. Though it’s good for spouses to be close, no human can truly satisfy our deepest longings. Only God can fill the “God-shaped hole” inside each of us. As Augustine wrote, “You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find rest in You.” When we expect a spouse to be our functional “god,” we set them up to fail and hinder our own relationship with the Lord.
Marriage also intrinsically bonds two sinful people together in everyday life. This will inevitably lead to hurt, conflict, and frustration that can simmer into bitterness and resentment if not handled carefully. God designed marriage to refine us, but constant closeness tests even the godliest of saints. Without diligently guarding our walk with God, the friction of marriage can rub away our peace and joy in the Spirit.
Paul warns about marriage distress in 1 Corinthians 7:28: “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” He clarifies that he’s not opposing marriage—just cautioning couples to be spiritually prepared for the challenges it brings.
Divided Interests
When single, we can focus completely on God’s interests and kingdom work (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). But once married, we naturally have divided interests and loyalties. Providing for and pleasing a spouse takes considerable time, attention, and energy. Even the most conscientious couples get distracted from wholehearted service to the Lord.
This division is exacerbated when children enter the picture. Parenting is a full-time job with unending demands that can easily take priority over our dedication to God. In Luke 10:38-42, Jesus reminds busy Martha that her fixation on chores and serving distracts from choosing “the good portion”—sitting attentively at Jesus’ feet. Married couples with kids face constant temptation to be swept up in family obligations at the expense of their spiritual lives.
It’s not wrong to care for a spouse or kids—in fact, Scripture commands it (1 Timothy 5:8). However, we must be vigilant not to let natural affections eclipse our devotion to the Lord. He alone is worthy of our highest affection and allegiance.
Marriage also commonly brings increased financial pressures. Providing for a family often ratchets up our career focus, along with stress, time constraints, and constant worldly preoccupations. Again, diligently providing for a family is noble, but anxiously striving for wealth is spiritually perilous (1 Timothy 6:6-10). Beware of letting family obligations justify or distract from diligent pursuit of God.
Accountability and Growth
Despite potential pitfalls, marriage can greatly benefit our relationship with God if guided by wisdom and vigilance. Marriage provides a profound accountability partner who knows us inside-out. My spouse highlights my flaws and sins in a way no friend can. Though conviction is painful, it incites me to rely more on God’s grace to grow in Christlikeness.
My wife also encourages and prays for me in my walk with God. At times when I’ve been tempted to neglect my Bible reading and prayer life, she lovingly nudges me back to the Lord. Her reminder of eternity and desire for me to follow Jesus spurs me toward godliness. The book of Proverbs says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (27:17). Though I could theoretically walk with God just fine as a single man, marriage provides a “built-in” accountability system to refine me.
But this iron sharpening requires initiative and intentionality. It won’t happen automatically. Couples must share mutual desire for God and take deliberate steps to foster spiritual growth together through prayer, Bible study, worship, fellowship, confession, and hard conversations. Without strategic effort to grow together, marriage can devolve into two bitter people cohabiting for convenience, not living unto God.
Yes, the distractions and difficulties of married life can hinder a relationship with God—but this is by no means inevitable. With wisdom, vigilance, and Spirit-led intentionality, marriage can become a catalyst for drawing closer to Jesus. But the tendency toward idolatry and distraction must be acknowledged and actively fought through God’s power.
Wisdom for Balance
How can married believers excel in devotion to God? The key is biblically guided balance and boundaries. Here are some Scriptures that provide wisdom:
1. Our spouse should never replace God. Love and cherish them dearly, but remember that only Jesus can fulfill your soul’s deepest needs. Don’t elevate your marriage over your relationship to Christ. “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37).
2. Be faithful in private spiritual disciplines. Make Bible reading, Scripture memory, prayer, fasting, etc. a consistent priority. This is your lifeline to God that nourishes your soul. Let your devotional life fuel your marriage, not vice versa. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).
3. Lovingly guard your spouse’s walk with God. Don’t be the person who distracts them from following Jesus. Encourage and pray for their spiritual growth. “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13).
4. Make local church membership a priority over other social groups or activities. Fellow believers provide the encouragement, equipping, and accountability you need. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
5. Schedule regular dates focused on spiritual intimacy, not just emotional or physical. Pray together, discuss Scripture, confess sins, set family spiritual goals, etc. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6).
6. Carefully steward your time, talents, and treasures for the Kingdom. Don’t let your family consume resources that could advance the Gospel. “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).
7. Make sure to take Sabbath rest, so you don’t burn out. God didn’t design marriage to be ceaseless intensity. “Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God” (Exodus 20:9-10).
8. Parent in a God-honoring way. Train children to love Jesus above all else. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
9. Pray together regularly for unity, growth, and perseverance. Invite God’s help to face marital challenges. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).
10. Show grace during trials and disagreements. Patiently work through issues instead of avoiding them. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
By God’s power and grace, believers can foster marriages that shine for Christ and facilitate deeper devotion to Him. But it requires intentionally swimming upstream against the tendency to replace God with our spouse or family. Approach marriage with prayerful vigilance, and it will bless rather than hinder your walk with God.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
To summarize, here are some common pitfalls that can hinder married believers’ relationship with God:
– Looking to your spouse primary intimacy, comfort, fulfillment.
– Neglecting personal spiritual disciplines and devotions.
– Compromising church commitments for family time.
– Letting kid’s activities, sports, school eclipse dedicated family worship.
– Making everything about the kids, neglecting marriage partnership.
– Financial stress and overspending interfering with Kingdom giving.
– Over-commitment to work to provide for bigger house, vacations, lifestyle.
– Marriage problems ignored rather than resolved through spiritually mature communication.
– Critical, loveless spirit that fails to honor spouse as fellow heir in Christ.
– Little to no accountability or spiritual mentorship outside the marriage.
– Downplaying the Bible’s warnings about how marriage can bring unique distractions from God (1 Cor 7:32-35).
Above all, developing realistic expectations of marriage is key. A godly spouse is an enormous blessing but is still a fallen, imperfect person like you. Pour unrealistic expectations into your marriage, and they’ll drown your relationship over time. But approach marriage with prayerful realism—and God will use it to draw you closer to Himself as you learn to love and serve well.
Paul’s Perspective on Marriage
Since ascetic religious movements that forbade marriage were already rising in his day, Paul devoted an entire chapter of 1 Corinthians to addressing marriage’s impact on our relationship with God. He confirms marriage’s blessings but also offers sobering warnings about its potential pitfalls.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul clarifies that both marriage and singleness are good gifts from God (v. 7). If able to remain single, this allows greater devotion to the Lord without divided interests (v. 32-35). However, Paul says most should marry to avoid sexual sin (v. 1-2, 9). He also acknowledges marriage is no sin, but reminds believers it will bring worldly troubles that can distract from God (v.28).
Paul explains that earthly relationships like marriage won’t continue into eternity. The unmarried can focus on “the things of the Lord” while married couples must care for each other’s needs (v. 32-34). He clarifies he’s not condemning marriage, just reminding believers to serve God wholeheartedly however He’s called them. Marrieds must steward their divided interests with vigilance.
Paul wishes all believers could be single like him and thus undistracted in serving Christ (v. 7-8). However, he concedes not everyone has the self-control to abstain from sexual sin when single (v. 9). His guidance for those who burn with passion is that “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (v. 9). So in its proper place, marriage is good.
Paul’s teachings remind us that our earthly relationships are only for this age, not eternity. He exhorts all believers to relate to each other as siblings in God’s family (v. 29-31). Marriage must not overshadow that supreme spiritual bond and allegiance.
Paul casts vision for an unwavering, undivided devotion to the Lord during our short time on earth. Everything else—even good things like marriage and family—must come second. They are temporal gifts to steward, not idols for which to forsake full-hearted service to Jesus.
Old Testament Wisdom
Several passages in the Old Testament also address potential pitfalls of marriage for one’s walk with God:
Proverbs 5 warns about the temptations of adultery that can corrupt a marriage. Sexual faithfulness to one’s spouse requires vigilant self-control: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19). Affairs often begin when believers let their gaze and minds wander. Wisdom from Proverbs helps couples build marriages that strengthen their devotion to God.
In the Song of Solomon, the lovers must let nothing distract them from marital affection. This models how God’s people must guard against any rival affections threatening our sole devotion to Christ, the Lover of our souls: “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it” (Song of Solomon 8:7a). Earthly marriage is a metaphor for the supernatural passion between God and His people.
Several verses in Ecclesiastes candidly address marriage’s trials: “And I find something more bitter than death: the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God escapes her, but the sinner is taken by her” (Ecclesiastes 7:26). Here Solomon admits some marriages deteriorate into miserable bondage apart from wisdom. Vows aren’t enough without purposeful pursuit of marital health and holiness before God.
Overall, the Old Testament demonstrates that marriage brings both joys and trials which believers must navigate with Spirit-guided wisdom if their walk with God is to flourish.
Jesus on Marriage
Though Jesus never married, he understood its challenges well and often addressed marriage in his teaching. He called his people to approach earthly relationships in light of eternity:
“When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Mark 12:25). Jesus reminds us that all earthly bonds will eventually dissolve. Our sole enduring relationship is as children with God our eternal Father.
Jesus also warned against prioritizing marriage and family over seeking God’s kingdom: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Here “hate” means “loving less by comparison.” Loyalty to Jesus must transcend even the deepest earthly bonds.
However, Jesus strongly affirmed the sanctity of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9). He permitted divorce only in egregious cases of unrepentant sexual immorality, urging reconciliation when possible. His standard is infinitely higher than under the Mosaic law.
Jesus also performed his first miracle at a wedding, even providing additional wine when the celebrations ran long (John 2:1-11). He could have refused involvement until after starting his official ministry, but graciously blessed the festivities. Jesus cares deeply about all aspects of our lives, including our marriages.
Finally, Christ’s relationship with his Church is compared to the intimacy of marriage (Ephesians 5:25-33). This underscores how the ultimate purpose of earthly marriage is picturing spiritual oneness with God. It is a living parable proclaiming the Gospel. When marriage distracts from that eternal message, it loses its meaning.
Healthy Perspective
Marriage is profoundly good. It was God’s idea. However, like all earthly blessings, it can subtly compete with our supreme devotion to Jesus Christ. Approached prayerfully and guided by wisdom, marriage fosters deeper intimacy with God. But when expected to fulfill our soul’s deepest needs, it hinders our relationship with him.
C.S. Lewis provocatively wrote, “The wife to whom I am married is a Christian and would never get in my way when I am doing God’s work.” We too must ensure our spouse supports our walk with God, not hindering our spiritual growth and service.
Marriage will involve compromise and sacrifice. At times, seeking unity and mutual fulfillment will require laying down preferences and rights. But nothing is worth compromising obedient devotion to Jesus Christ. He alone must remain first place.
With the Spirit’s help, wise boundaries, and vigilant hearts, marriage can aid believers in loving and serving God more wholeheartedly. It provides companionship, accountability, service opportunities, and motivation to grow in grace. But fundamentally, marriage cannot meet our deepest needs. It is temporal. Only Christ can perfectly satisfy; only obedience to him brings lasting fulfillment and joy.
All married believers must heed Paul’s timeless exhortation: “Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:1-2). Don’t let the gift eclipse the Giver.