Arranged marriages have been a common practice in many cultures throughout history. An arranged marriage is one where the spouse is selected by someone other than the marrying persons themselves, typically by the parents or other family members. This practice stands in contrast to what is commonly practiced in Western cultures, where individuals choose their own spouses based on romantic love.
Some wonder if the Bible advocates for arranged marriages. There are a few considerations to take into account when examining this question:
Cultural Context of Biblical Times
The custom of arranged marriages was very common in ancient biblical cultures. Marriages were viewed primarily as social and economic contracts between families, rather than bonds of romantic love between individuals. For example, Isaac’s marriage to Rebekah was orchestrated by Abraham’s servant, who traveled to find a suitable wife from their relatives (Genesis 24). Similarly, Samson’s parents arranged his marriage to a Philistine woman (Judges 14:1-4). The practice was meant to build alliances between families and ensure marital stability.
So while not directly commanded, arranged marriages were an accepted cultural norm that biblical figures practiced. The Bible seldom contradicts or provides reform to social customs unless they contradicted God’s laws. Arrangements were not prohibited because they were culturally fitting for that time period.
Biblical Guidance on Marital Decisions
While arranged marriages were common in biblical times, the Bible does provide guidance on how marital decisions should be made:
– Parents should be consulted for wisdom and blessing (Genesis 28:1-2). Children honoring parents ties into the broader biblical principle of honoring authorities God has established.
– However, the final decision lies with the marrying parties. Forced marriages without consent are prohibited (Exodus 21:7-11). Each person must willingly enter the covenant of marriage.
– Believers are encouraged to marry fellow believers (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). Marital decisions should be guided by faith.
– Christians should seek wise and godly counsel but be led by the Spirit (Romans 8:14). They should pray and seek the Lord’s guidance on such an important decision.
So while parents had a large cultural say in marital arrangements, any arrangements contradicting these biblical principles would not have been condoned.
New Testament Teachings on Marriage
The New Testament further elevates the status of women and emphasizes the marital union over arrangements.
– Husbands are called to sacrificially love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). The focus shifts to the relationship itself versus just alignment of families.
– Wives are told to submit voluntarily out of reverence for Christ, not by force (Ephesians 5:22-24). Again emphasizing the spirit of the relationship.
– Peter exhorts husbands to treat their wives with understanding and honor as co-heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3:7). The emphasis is on a caring partnership.
So while not directly prohibiting arranged marriages common in that era, New Testament teachings show that the highest view of marriage is a loving spiritual partnership between spouses. Any external arrangements contradicting that would fall short of God’s design.
Principles for Christians Today
While arranged marriages are not as common today, several principles can guide Christians:
– While respecting the advice of godly parents, the final marital decision lies between the individuals entering the covenant. Forced marriages without consent are unbiblical.
– Christians should seek wisdom but be led by biblical priorities and the Spirit’s guidance when considering a potential spouse. Factors like faith, character and partnership should take priority over solely pragmatic arrangements.
– Cultural traditions that don’t contradict biblical principles may be celebrated, but biblical teachings ultimately hold highest authority for believers.
– Marriages should be pursued with the understanding of marriage as an earthly illustration of Christ and the church. Self-sacrificial love and unity should define the relationship.
So in summary, while arranged marriages were a cultural norm in biblical times that the Bible doesn’t directly forbid, biblical principles emphasize the voluntary consent of the marrying parties guided by faith, wisdom, and a high view of marriage. Christians are called to honor God’s design for marriage.
Major Biblical Examples of Arranged Marriages
To provide greater context on arranged marriages in the Bible, below are some of the more prominent examples:
Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24): Abraham sends his servant back to his homeland to find a wife for Isaac from his relatives rather than the local Canaanite women. The servant prays to God for guidance. Rebekah consents to go and becomes Isaac’s wife.
Jacob marries Leah and Rachel (Genesis 29): Jacob falls in love with Rachel but is tricked into marrying her older sister Leah first by their father Laban. Jacob is then allowed to also marry Rachel a week later.
Samson’s marriage (Judges 14): Samson demands his parents get him a Philistine wife from an enemy clan. They reluctantly arrange the marriage seeking to use it against the Philistines. The marriage ends disastrously.
David and Michal (1 Samuel 18): King Saul arranges for his daughter Michal to marry David, hoping it will lead to David’s death as a warrior. But Michal comes to love David and helps him escape her father.
Esther’s marriage to King Ahasuerus (Esther 2): Esther is taken to the king’s palace as part of a bridal search. She rises to become queen and eventually saves the Jews.
So in these examples we see how arranged marriages were used to build alliances and for pragmatic purposes in that culture. Some brought positive outcomes while others did not. But fundamentally they reflect a cultural norm different than today.
Principles on God’s Will, Discernment, and Decision-Making
Navigating major life decisions like marriage requires wisdom and discernment. Below are some key biblical principles that can help guide Christians:
– Seek God’s will through prayer and study of Scripture (Romans 12:2; James 1:5). Allow biblical values to shape your thinking.
– Seek and submit to godly counsel from spiritual leaders and mentors (Proverbs 11:14; Hebrews 13:7). Weigh their perspectives carefully.
– Consider how specific decision align with fruit of Spirit: love, joy, peace (Galatians 5:22-23). Does it cultivate greater Christlikeness?
– Listen to the guiding conviction of the Holy Spirit (John 16:13; Acts 15:28). Be sensitive to His prompting.
– Evaluate options Biblically using wisdom, not just emotions or circumstances (Proverbs 3:5-6; Philippians 4:8).
– Make choice in faith, trusting in God’s sovereignty (Proverbs 3:5-6). He guides the steps of those who seek Him.
Following these principles with patience and faith can help Christians have biblical discernment for all major decisions like marriage. God promises to direct the paths of those who seek Him.
Conclusion
In summary, arranged marriages were a culturally accepted practice in biblical times that Scripture does not directly forbid. However, biblical principles emphasize the voluntary consent of marrying parties guided by wisdom, faith, and the high view of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. While cultural traditions may be celebrated, Christians are called to prioritize God’s design for relational unity and spiritual partnership in marriage. With guidance from Scripture and godly counsel, believers can navigate marital decisions in a way that honors the Lord.