The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness and how we should handle being wronged by others. There are many verses that encourage forgiveness, but the Bible does not specifically tell us to “forgive and forget.” Rather, it promotes seeking justice when needed, while also extending mercy and grace to those who have wronged us.
There are many verses in the Bible that encourage forgiveness. Jesus teaches us to forgive others in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” He reiterates this teaching in Matthew 18:21-22 when Peter asks how many times he must forgive his brother, and Jesus responds “seventy-seven times” or infinitely (ESV).
The Bible exhorts us to be kind, compassionate and forgiving just as God has forgiven us. Colossians 3:13 says: “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Ephesians 4:32 also states: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
While these verses encourage us to freely forgive others, the Bible does not tell us to simply “forgive and forget” when we are seriously wronged. For example, Romans 12:19 says: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” While we should refrain from personal vengeance, this indicates that true justice may still need to be served by proper authorities appointed by God.
In addition, we are instructed to gently confront and rebuke our brothers and sisters in Christ who sin against us. Luke 17:3 states: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” The goal of this rebuke is repentance and reconciliation, showing that complete restoration of the relationship requires open communication, not just instantly forgetting the offense.
Furthermore, forgiveness does not necessarily mean immediate trust. In some cases, relationships may need time and effort to heal after a significant betrayal. The Bible does not tell us we must instantly forget how we were harmed or immediately restore complete trust. For example, Jesus forgave and showed mercy to the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11, but this did not mean there were no consequences for her actions.
While calling for repentance and possible consequences, the Bible also warns against holding onto bitterness and resentment. Hebrews 12:15 cautions us to “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” Forgiveness is a process that we must actively pursue by God’s grace, letting go of bitterness even when trust is earned slowly over time.
In conclusion, the Bible promotes active, gracious forgiveness but it does not teach that believers should “forgive and forget” without regard for truth, justice, and wise discernment. Instead, we are called to humbly balance mercy and love with accountability and restoration when addressing those who have sinned against us. Our model is God, who forgives unconditionally, yet provides correction and justice as He enables reconciliation in our broken relationships.
1. Forgiveness is prominently encouraged throughout the Bible
There are many verses throughout the Bible that encourage and instruct believers to forgive others. Jesus teaches extensively on the importance of forgiveness:
- “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
- “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
- “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4)
The apostles also emphasize forgiveness in their writings:
- “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13)
- “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27-28)
These verses reveal that forgiveness is not merely encouraged for believers – it is expected out of obedience and gratitude for God’s mercy towards us. We are to forgive others freely just as God has forgiven our sins through Christ.
2. The Bible promotes justice and accountability along with forgiveness
Though Scripture strongly encourages forgiveness, it does not teach that believers should automatically “forgive and forget” without regard for truth, justice and discernment. Consider these examples:
- “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” (Romans 12:19)
- “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)
- After forgiving the woman caught in adultery, Jesus told her “go, and from now on sin no more” indicating forgiveness should lead to repentance. (John 8:11)
While we must forgive, the Bible also teaches there are times when we must lovingly confront sin and allow consequences so that justice is served. Holding others accountable can motivate repentance and reconciliation.
3. Complete trust may need time to be restored after forgiveness
Forgiving someone does not always immediately restore the relationship to its former trust and intimacy. Wise discernment is often required, as seen in these examples:
- Joseph forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery but still tested them for a time to confirm their changed hearts. (Genesis 42-45)
- Paul warns there must be evidence of true repentance before fully restoring a sinning elder to leadership. (1 Timothy 5:19-21)
- Jesus forgave Peter for denying him, but some time passed before Peter was fully restored to fellowship and ministry. (John 21:15-19)
While we must diligently pursue forgiveness, complete reconciliation is often a process requiring wisdom, discernment and time – especially after cases of significant betrayal or loss of trust.
4. Believers are instructed not to harbor bitterness or seek revenge
Although the Bible does not teach blind forgiveness, believers are still cautioned against harboring bitterness, anger and resentment. We are to pursue an attitude of grace and mercy towards those who have wronged us:
- “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” (Hebrews 12:15)
- “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:31-32) - “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” (Romans 12:19)
The Bible calls us to guard our hearts against resentment so that it does not take root and defile us. Forgiveness is often a process but we must make every effort by God’s grace not to harbor bitterness or seek personal revenge.
5. Complete forgiveness modeled by God motivates our forgiveness
As believers, we are to model the forgiveness that we have received from God. Because Christ died for us while we were still sinners, we should extend mercy to others in humility:
- “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13)
- “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:11-12)
Motivated by Christ’s complete forgiveness of our sins, believers are called to graciously release others from offenses, enable reconciliation and leave judgment to God. This reflects His perfect, merciful example.
6. Practical application of forgiving while still pursuing justice
How can these principles be applied to real-life situations? Consider a wife discovering her husband has been unfaithful. Or an employee discovering his boss has been embezzling company funds. In both cases:
- The offended person can make the choice to forgive, recognizing that bitterness and revenge will only damage themselves.
- Appropriate action may still need to be taken for justice, such as confronting the sin, separation for a time, legal action, loss of position, etc.
- Wise discernment is required to pursue accountability and reconciliation in a loving manner as much as possible.
- Repentance may lead to rebuilding trust, but it may take time depending on circumstances – forgiveness is not the same as instantly forgetting.
- By God’s grace, the goal is full restoration of relationship when there is genuine repentance and reform over time.
We see that it is possible to balance justice and mercy. The Bible provides wisdom for navigating real forgiveness amidst the brokenness of human relationships.
7. Conclusion
In summary, the Bible strongly promotes forgiveness but does not teach believers to naively “forgive and forget.” Instead Scripture says:
- We should freely forgive others just as God has forgiven us.
- At times we must also lovingly confront sin and wisely allow consequences to motivate repentance.
- Full reconciliation may be a process requiring discernment to ensure true heart change.
- While pursuing justice, we must guard our hearts against bitterness and personal revenge.
- Motivated by Christ’s mercy, we can balance grace and truth in applying the Bible’s principles of forgiveness.
The Bible provides deep wisdom for navigating real forgiveness amidst the brokenness of human relationships. As we humbly and sincerely forgive, seek repentance, restore relationships and leave final judgment to God, we live out the gospel’s reconciling power.