This is a difficult topic, but an important one to understand. The Bible includes some challenging passages that seem to suggest children who are stubbornly rebellious against their parents should be put to death. However, looking at the context and intent behind these verses provides wisdom on how to interpret and apply them today.
The Key Old Testament Passages
There are three main verses in the Old Testament that address children rebelling against their parents:
- Exodus 21:15 – “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.” (ESV)
- Exodus 21:17 – “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.” (ESV)
- Deuteronomy 21:18-21 – Describes a stubborn and rebellious son who does not listen to his parents, and says the men of the city shall stone him to death. (ESV)
At first reading, these verses seem very severe and shocking. The idea of actually putting children to death for rebellion appears contrary to the concept of a loving God.
Understanding the Context and Intent
However, there are several important contextual factors to understand about these verses:
- The Old Testament law was given to a specific nation (Israel) at a specific time in history. It was designed to set Israel apart from the surrounding nations.
- Many of the punishments were meant to be preventative, not always carried out literally. The threat of punishment was meant as a deterrent.
- Respecting parents was extremely important in ancient cultures. The authority of parents represented God’s delegated authority.
- “Rebellious” likely described acts of violence, not just disrespect. One analogy is of a “juvenile delinquent” who could endanger the community.
- The discipline was to come from the city elders, not the parents. There was a process in place, not rash vigilantism.
- Death sentences had very high evidentiary standards under Jewish law. Over 20 witnesses were required in capital cases.
When understood in its proper historical and cultural context, these severe punishments were likely meant to protect the authority of parents in ancient Israelite society. They describe the worst case punishments, not the required response to minor infractions common today.
How Should We Interpret and Apply These Verses?
There are several principles we can take away when reflecting on these challenging Old Testament passages:
- God takes authority, respect for parents, and community order very seriously. Rebellion has consequences.
- Yet God does not intend for children to be killed for minor disobedience. These verses addressed egregious rebellion in their context.
- Even the worst sinners are offered redemption. When the woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus, he showed her grace while also saying “go and sin no more” (John 8:11).
- Parents should lovingly discipline children, but not exasperate them (Colossians 3:21). Fathers should not “provoke your children to anger.”
- In the New Testament, the ethic shifts to love and forgiveness. While consequences remain, the gospel offers mercy.
Overall, it is important not to take these verses out of context. They do not apply directly to modern families. Yet they do remind us that God cares about both discipline and loving restoration. Parents should prayerfully shepherd a child’s heart, just as God parents us his beloved children.
New Testament Principles on Handling Rebellious Children
While the New Testament does not directly address punishing rebellious children, it does provide wisdom that can guide parents today:
- Parents should “bring children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Teach right from wrong, with love.
- Fathers should not exasperate children (Colossians 3:21). Don’t be overbearing or insensitive.
- Parents should train children with encouragement, not constant criticism (Colossians 3:20). Use more “carrots” than “sticks.”
- Discipline, while painful, yields a “peaceful harvest of right living” (Hebrews 12:11). It should produce maturity, not resentment.
- Forgive their misdeeds, “forgiving one another as the Lord has forgiven you” (Colossians 3:13). Show grace, as Christ showed grace.
The New Testament calls for discipline tempered with mercy. Our goal should be to produce wise, faithful adults – not break rebellious spirits with harshness.
9 Principles for Parents Dealing with Rebellious Older Children
When faced with ongoing rebellion in an older child or teen, parents can draw on these biblical principles:
- Pray daily and fervently for your child, keeping the faith (Luke 18:1). Believe God can change their heart.
- Communicate expectations clearly. Don’t assume they understand your values. Dialogue respectfully.
- Use appropriate consequences, not exaggerated punishments. Withdraw privileges thoughtfully.
- Address any roots of anger, pain or jealousy that may underlie the rebellion.
- Model repentance and forgiveness when you mess up. “Humble yourselves before the Lord” (James 4:10).
- Avoid harsh words and hurtful labels. “Speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
- Find moments to affirm positive qualities and express unconditional love.
- If needed, seek mediation through a pastor or counselor. Get help working through conflicts.
- Focus on winning the heart, not just behave control. “My son, give me your heart” (Proverbs 23:26).
Moving from Rebellion to Restoration through Christ
The gospel message is that while we all rebel against God, He showed us mercy and forgiveness through Christ (Romans 5:8). God’s kindness leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). The prodigal son was rebellious yet restored (Luke 15:11-32).
So while the Old Testament contains severe punishments for rebellion, the New Testament offers the hope of redemption. For children still finding their way, parents can model God’s patience and grace. They can discipline and love at the same time. The goal is not to crush the spirit, but develop it. With prayer and wisdom, parents can shepherd their child from the pain of rebellion to the joy of relationship restored.