Sharing one’s faith with friends and family can be a delicate balancing act. On one hand, we want to fulfill the Great Commission and spread the good news of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19-20). On the other hand, we don’t want to damage relationships by coming across as pushy or judgmental. So how can we evangelize in a way that draws people in rather than pushing them away?
Here are some biblical principles to keep in mind:
Pray for opportunities
Begin by bathing the relationships in prayer (Ephesians 6:18-20). Pray that God would give you wisdom in how and when to bring up spiritual matters. Pray that he would prepare the hearts and minds of your friends and family to be receptive. Recognize that only God can change hearts and open eyes – your job is simply to be faithful in sharing the truth in love (1 Corinthians 3:6-7).
Live out your faith
Be a humble, loving example of what it means to follow Jesus. Your life should back up your words (Matthew 5:16, 1 Peter 3:15-16). Address your own hypocrisy and blind spots first. If there are areas where your life does not align with Biblical teachings, focus on repenting of those first before trying to point out someone else’s speck (Matthew 7:3-5). Your friends and family will be much more open to spiritual conversations if you are authentically walking the walk.
Ask good questions
Instead of just lecturing your friends, have real conversations. Get to know their beliefs, doubts, and values. Askfollow-up questions to understand their perspectives more deeply (Proverbs 20:5). Listen more than you speak. You may find common ground that you can build on in spiritual conversations. Good questions also allow you to tailor how you share the Gospel in a way your friend can best relate to and understand.
Discern their spiritual state
The Bible teaches that unbelievers are spiritually blind and deaf to spiritual truths (2 Corinthians 4:4, Matthew 13:13-15). Don’t assume just because someone grew up in church or knows Bible stories that they have truly received Christ. But don’t assume the opposite either. Pray for discernment and listen closely for evidence of any spiritual sensitivity or stirrings of interest in their soul. Meet them where they’re at spiritually.
Look for opportunities to affirm
Before confronting or correcting, look for aspects of their beliefs you can sincerely affirm or appreciate. Does their worldview value love, justice, wisdom, integrity, beauty? Start there, and connect how those values are fulfilled in Christ. People are much more open to discuss difficult topics when they feel their views have first been heard and respected. Affirmation builds a bridge that opens the door to sharing Christ.
Avoid certain traps
It’s easy to fall into certain communication traps that push people away. Avoid debating just for the sake of winning an argument. Don’t press for a decision or conversion before they are ready. Don’t try to force through a canned sales pitch. Don’t rush to judge or correct their beliefs in early conversations. Be patient, just plant seeds, answer questions honestly, and let the Holy Spirit move in His timing (1 Corinthians 3:7).
Discern when to speak or be quiet
Practice wisdom in discerning when it’s the right time to speak up or when it’s better to be quiet and just listen (Ecclesiastes 3:7). If your friend is going through grief or crisis, that may not be the best occasion to get into a deep spiritual discussion uninvited. Show empathy and care for them in their suffering first. Earn the right to speak into their life by demonstrating Christlike love through action more than just words.
Focus on relationship
Evangelism is ultimately about relationship – humanity’s relationship with God and our relationships with each other. Keep the relationship first and foremost. Your goal isn’t just to win an argument or get someone to pray a prayer. Above all, you want the person to encounter the living Jesus. Approach the relationship as a precious opportunity for you to represent Christ. If the person rejects your message, respond in love, not anger or pride (Matthew 10:14). Leave the door open for future conversations.
Present the whole Gospel
The good news of Jesus has multiple facets: God’s holiness and justice, mankind’s sin and separation from God, Christ’s atoning death and resurrection, the offer of salvation by grace through faith, forgiveness of sins, and a restored relationship with God (Ephesians 2:1-10). Try to touch on all these truths to paint the full picture. Leaving out aspects like sin or repentance waters down the Gospel to be more palatable but less transformational.
Respect their free will
Ultimately, you cannot argue or pressure anyone into believing. Each person has the God-given ability to accept or reject the Gospel message. As frustrating as it can be when people refuse to believe, we must respect their exercise of free will. Don’t try to override someone’s will or force a choice. You can make an appeal, but the choice is theirs (John 7:17). Allow friends their own spiritual journey.
Trust the Holy Spirit
As you faithfully share God’s Word, trust that the Holy Spirit is working behind the scenes in ways you can’t see (John 16:8, 1 Corinthians 3:6). People’s minds and hearts are between them and God. Your role is simply to sow seeds. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to change someone or see immediate results. You plant, Apollos waters, but God gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:6). Relax and leave the results to Him.
Shake the dust
If someone adamantly rejects the Gospel after you have made efforts to share it sensitively and genuinely, don’t try to force it. At a certain point you may need to “shake the dust off your feet” and move on (Matthew 10:14). Maintain civility and leave the door open, but recognize that you’ve done what you can. Protect your own spirit from debating someone who remains willfully resistant after you’ve made efforts to reach them.
Evangelism within relationships requires much prayer, wisdom, and discernment. But if we approach it with sensitivity, gentleness, and an abundance of love, we can share about our Savior in a way that draws people to the Him rather than pushing them away. With the Spirit’s guidance, we can be effective ambassadors for Christ to those we care about most.