Forgiving others can be extremely difficult, especially when someone has deeply hurt or offended us. As Christians, we are called to forgive as God has forgiven us, but that command can feel nearly impossible to obey at times. What does the Bible teach about extending forgiveness? How can we find the strength to let go of bitterness and resentment and move forward in freedom?
First, it’s important to understand what forgiveness is—and what it isn’t. Forgiving someone does not mean the offense was acceptable or that trust is automatically restored. Forgiveness does not require us to continue an unhealthy relationship or open ourselves to further wounds. Rather, forgiveness means we choose to release the offender from the debt they owe us and leave justice in God’s hands. When we forgive, we relinquish the right to take matters into our own hands and instead trust that God will deal justly with those who sin against us. As Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”
Forgiveness also doesn’t necessarily happen all at once. It is often a journey we take one small step at a time as we seek God’s help to let go of anger and desire for revenge. The choice to forgive might have to be made again and again as feelings of resentment surface. But each time we surrender those feelings to God, we grow stronger in the power of forgiveness.
So how do we walk out this journey of forgiveness? Here are several principles from Scripture to guide us:
Remember how much we have been forgiven. All of us need God’s lavish grace and mercy every single day. We can have compassion on those who wrong us because we understand our own desperate need for forgiveness. As Colossians 3:13 expresses it, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Pray for our enemies. It’s hard to remain angry at someone we are sincerely praying for. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Praying for someone softens our heart toward them and helps us see them through God’s eyes.
Seek to understand, not just be understood. When we take time to understand why someone hurt us—the pain and brokenness they might be acting out of—it’s easier to extend grace. As 1 Peter 3:8 reminds us, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”
Freely offer the forgiveness we desire. It’s human nature to want mercy for our own wrongs but justice for everyone else’s. But Matthew 6:14-15 tells us if we don’t forgive others, we shouldn’t expect forgiveness ourselves: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Trust God with justice and vengeance. When we try to punish others for hurting us, we overstep our bounds. God alone has the right to repay evil. As Romans 12:17-19 explains, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil… Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” Our job is simply to forgive and place judgment in His righteous hands.
Ask God to help us forgive. Forgiveness is an act of obedience that goes against human nature. We cannot do it successfully on our own strength. Only through God’s power at work within us can we extend true forgiveness to others. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength,” Paul said in Philippians 4:13. Turning to God for strength and help is essential.
Make a decision, not an emotion. Forgiveness is a choice we make, not necessarily a feeling. It begins with an act of the will, based on faith that God can change our hearts as we obey Him. Over time, emotions will catch up as we live out that decision in word and deed.
Be patient with yourself. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. God understands we still struggle with emotions long after making the decision to forgive. We may need to make that choice to forgive again and again, until peace finally comes. God will honor our choice as we continue turning to Him for help.
Let go of expectations. We often forfeit freedom by expecting our offender to earn forgiveness or show remorse before we extend it. True forgiveness isn’t conditional—it’s given freely even if the other person doesn’t deserve it or recognize their wrong. Our choice to forgive cannot hinge on how others respond.
Move forward in freedom. When we actively release an offender from their debt to us and wish them well on their journey, we are finally free. We break the tie that bound us together through bitterness. We can look toward the future rather than staying stuck in the pain of the past. As Hebrews 12:15 reminds us, we must “see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble.”
The journey of forgiveness is not easy, but God promises to give us everything we need to take this path. His Word guides us every step of the way. His Spirit empowers us to do what seems impossible. His Son models radical forgiveness from the cross. As we seek God’s help in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we will find freedom and joy rising from the ashes of even the deepest hurts.