According to the Bible, true love between a man and a woman should be patterned after the love between Christ and the church. Christ’s love for the church is described as sacrificial, unconditional, and eternal (Ephesians 5:25-33). This type of agape love goes beyond feelings and emotions to an act of the will, choosing to love the other person even when you don’t feel like it. So how can you know if you truly love someone and are not just infatuated?
Here are some key indicators from the Bible that you may be experiencing real love:
1. You are willing to sacrifice for the other person (John 15:13)
Love involves self-sacrifice and putting the needs of your partner above your own. As Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” True love is not selfish but gives freely. If you are willing to inconvenience yourself and give up your time, money, or personal desires to benefit your partner, that indicates a depth of love.
2. You want the best for them, even if that doesn’t include you (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
True love is not envious, boastful, proud, rude, or self-seeking. It does not demand its own way. Rather, it is patient, kind, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. If you can selflessly wish for your partner’s wellbeing, whether or not the relationship works out as you hope, it shows you care more about them as a person than just what they can give you.
3. You choose to be faithful and exclusive (Proverbs 5:15-19)
True love reserves sexual intimacy for marriage and rejects casual hookups. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth…be intoxicated always in her love,” Proverbs says. The Bible exalts faithfulness in marriage. If you are willing to commit to one person exclusively and resist temptations, that is a mark of genuine love versus lust.
4. You confront sin gently (Galatians 6:1)
Because you care deeply about the other’s sanctification, you will gently address issues of sin. “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness,” Galatians exhorts. Loving confrontation aims to restore, not condemn. It is humble and sincere, not prideful or harsh.
5. You protect their reputation (Proverbs 31:11-12)
True love does not gossip or expose a partner’s weaknesses. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” A loving partner will be trustworthy and loyal, refusing to speak critically behind their back but instead protecting their reputation.
6. You care for them in sickness (Mark 1:29-31)
When Peter’s mother-in-law was sick with fever, Jesus “took her by the hand and lifted her up, and the fever left her.” Unlike casual relationships that dissolve during trials, true love remains steady. If you are still eager to care for your partner in times of distress, from small illnesses to major crises, it is a sign of genuine devotion.
7. You share spiritual fellowship (Amos 3:3)
“Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” the prophet Amos asked rhetorically. In the biblical view, marriage has a spiritual dimension. If you enjoy reading the Bible, praying, and discussing matters of faith together, that spiritual connection indicates a bond that goes beyond fleeting emotions.
8. You are patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Love “is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.” True love perseveres through ups and downs. It does not spew angry words nor answer harshly but shows grace in the face of frustration. A patient, gentle spirit that calmly works through conflict reveals care rooted in commitment rather than conditional feelings.
9. You forgive (Colossians 3:13)
“Bearing with one another and forgiving one another… as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” No relationship is perfect. True love recognizes our shared fallenness and chooses to extend mercy, not judgment. When you can forgive wrongs against you just as God has forgiven your sins, it demonstrates Christlike love.
10. You affirm them (Song of Solomon 4:1-7)
In the Song of Solomon, the lover and beloved praise one another’s appearance in detail, honoring both physical and inner beauty. True biblical love affirms the worth and dignity of the other without flattery. If you take time to notice the good qualities in your partner and sincerely compliment them, it cultivates love and selfless esteem.
11. You make them a priority (Ephesians 5:33)
Husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wives are urged to respect their husbands. Biblical love recognizes the partner’s needs and makes them a top priority, never taking the relationship for granted or being indifferent. Investing regular time and undivided attention can nurture intimacy.
12. You empathize and comfort (Isaiah 66:13)
The Lord promises, “As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.” True love is sensitive to the other’s pain and comes alongside to listen, empathize, and renew hope. Human comfort can mirror God’s care. When you enter into your partner’s hurting and provide a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, it reflects compassion.
13. You see them as God’s image-bearer (Genesis 1:27)
Every person is made in God’s image and has inherent dignity. True love does not reduce a partner to their role or appearance but respects their fundamental worth as an image-bearer of God. When you can see past outer traits and value the soul and spirit within, it transcends objectification and moves towards holistic love.
14. You nurture intimacy (Song of Solomon 1:2-4)
The lovers in Song of Solomon kiss, embrace, and praise the sweetness of each other’s love. Closeness and affection nurture marital intimacy, as God designed. True love moves beyond merely coexisting to thoughtful gestures like flowers, caresses, loving words, and quality time that make a partner feel cherished. Seeking creative ways to cultivate intimacy reflects depth of feeling.
15. You produce the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)
Where God’s love flows, qualities like joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control will increase. If your relationship evidences these spiritual fruits instead of anger, jealousy and strife, it indicates the love between you has a holy source and purpose.
16. You imitate Christ’s sacrificial example (Ephesians 5:1-2)
“Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” The ultimate model of true love is Christ who willingly laid down His life for our salvation. When human love emulates that selflessness, it touches the divine.
17. You esteem them as a gift from God (Proverbs 18:22)
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Rather than seeing a partner as an entitlement or a conquest, true love receives them humbly as a precious, unmerited gift from the Lord. Remembering God’s providence fosters gratitude, not pride.
18. You delight in them (Proverbs 5:18-19)
“Rejoice in the wife of your youth…let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.” Marital love enjoys the other for who they are, not just what they give. Physical intimacy grows from an awestruck joy in the person themselves. A lover who still thrills to behold their partner after years reveals enduring love.
19. You communicate openly (Ephesians 4:25-27)
“Speak the truth to one another in love,” Paul urges, without sinful anger infecting words. Loving partners foster open, honest communication where feelings can be shared without fear. If you confront issues in a gentle, constructive way, it builds intimacy and trust.
20. You appreciate their differences (Genesis 2:18)
Woman was created as man’s “helper,” to complement him. True love recognizes that partners are not identical. It values God’s design in balancing masculine and feminine strengths and personality types. Appreciating instead of criticizing differences enriches the relationship.
21. You reflect the Trinity’s unity (John 17:20-23)
Jesus prayed believers would be one as the Father, Son and Spirit are one. Though we are different persons, true love fosters a beautiful unity. If your priorities, values and goals converge more than diverge, your shared purpose reflects God’s harmonious triune nature.
22. You become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)
In marriage, “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” True love sees you and your beloved as a new family unit, keeping confidences and bonding for life. If you view yourselves as inseparable, caring for each other as your own body, it reflects God’s one-flesh design.
23. You model marriage to others (1 Timothy 5:14)
Younger widows are encouraged to “marry, bear children, manage their households, give the adversary no occasion for slander.” A thriving marriage can inspire others to reject ungodly cultural views of romance and build Christ-centered families.
24. You sacrifice your own desires (1 Corinthians 10:24)
“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” Rather than insisting on your rights, true love surrenders personal interests for a greater good. When you’re willing to compromise and accommodate your partner’s needs ahead of your own, it reflects selfless love.
25. You keep no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5)
“Love does not keep a record of wrongs.” It does not review faults or hold grudges. True love recognizes we all fall short and confesses sins to God, not each other. Choosing to forgive and forget instead of clinging to bitterness shows grace.
26. You believe the best (1 Corinthians 13:7)
Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” It does not assume the worst. When tensions arise, loving spouses communicate openly rather than jumping to conclusions. Extending the benefit of the doubt creates space for trust.
27. You publicly covenant (Ezekiel 16:8)
In marriage vows, spouses make a binding, exclusive and public covenant before God to commit lifelong to each other. True love expresses itself through this formal, legal agreement. Marriage provides protective accountability and demonstrates devotion is serious.
28. You blend as family (Matthew 19:5-6)
Jesus taught that in marriage, God joins man and wife together as “one flesh,” making them kin. True love fully embraces their new family as your own. Caring for parents or siblings from previous marriages as much as your own relatives displays selfless commitment.
29. You freely share all you have (Acts 4:32)
The early church shared everything in common, “not claiming private ownership of any possessions.” Marital love is generous, not possessive. Willingness to pool money, property and resources instead of maintaining separate accounts shows trust and unity.
30. You value them as an equal (Galatians 3:28)
“There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus,” Scripture declares. Biblical love between man and woman upholds each other’s equal worth, dignity and personhood. Rather than demanding submission, it mutually empowers.
In summary, true love according to the Bible mirrors God’s unconditional love in Christ. It cherishes the beloved as someone made in God’s image to be honored and served. Biblical love moves beyond fleeting emotions to an unshakable commitment to the other’s good, expressing unity, intimacy and selfless care in the covenant of marriage.