Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and woman instituted by God. However, many marriages today are in crisis and on the verge of collapse. If your marriage is struggling, take heart that there is hope to restore it through God’s power and biblical principles. This article will explore key truths from Scripture on how to revive and rebuild a faltering marriage.
Acknowledge There is a Problem
The first step is to honestly assess the state of your marriage. Many couples live in denial about the extent of the problems in their relationship. They downplay conflicts, sweep issues under the rug, or make excuses for their spouse’s behavior. However, change starts with acknowledging the depth of the issues and being willing to confront them (James 5:16). Do you and your spouse struggle with poor communication, lack of intimacy, unresolved conflicts, infidelity, or other serious issues? Take off the blinders and recognize your marriage needs help.
Repent and Ask for Forgiveness
Once problems are identified, examine your own contributions to the brokenness. We are all sinners who need to repent (Luke 13:3). Consider how your words, actions, attitudes, or neglect have hurt your spouse. Humbly ask your spouse for forgiveness, just as God freely forgives our sins (Ephesians 4:32). This act of humility and repentance opens the door for healing and restoration.
Pursue Counseling
You do not have to navigate these waters alone. Seek outside guidance from a pastor, Christian counselor, or mature mentor couple. They can provide perspective, recommend resources, give advice, and help you rebuild love and trust. Make sure you both fully commit to the counseling process (Proverbs 11:14).
Recommit to Your Vows
Go back to your wedding vows and covenant before God. Prayerfully reflect on the commitment you made to your spouse. Marriage takes work, so recommit to loving, cherishing, being faithful, supporting, and honoring your spouse. Reestablish your vows as sacred promises before the Lord. Renewing your commitment provides a foundation for restoring intimacy (Ecclesiastes 5:4-5).
Rebuild Friendship and Romance
Over time, many couples lose touch with the friendship and passion that brought them together initially. Rebuilding these requires intentionality. Spend enjoyable time together, learn about each other again, go on dates, surprise each other, and rekindle emotional and physical intimacy. God designed marriage, so He certainly endorses romance within this sacred union (Song of Solomon 4:9-16, 5:10-16).
Practice Healthy Communication
Many marital conflicts result from poor communication. Learn to truly listen, validate each other’s feelings, use “I” statements, bring up issues gently, watch your tone of voice, and avoid blaming or escalating arguments. Seek first to understand rather than be understood. Create a safe environment for open, honest dialog (Ephesians 4:29, James 1:19).
Resolve Conflict Biblically
All marriages face conflict due to our selfish fallen nature. But there are biblical principles for handling disagreements righteously and limiting their destructiveness. Address issues quickly before resentment sets in. Forgive unconditionally just as God forgives you. Focus on reconciling the relationship rather than winning arguments. And leave room for disagreements without rupturing the marriage (Matthew 18:15-17).
Pray Together
Spiritual intimacy is foundational to relational intimacy. Set aside regular times to pray together. Thank God for your spouse’s positive qualities. Ask Him to reveal your own sins and blind spots. Petition Him for wisdom, unity, healing of emotional wounds, restored passion, protection from attacks on your marriage, and help loving each other unconditionally (James 5:16).
Attend Church Regularly
Surround yourself with other believers for support and opportunities to serve together. Let God’s word convict and transform you. Be open to receiving godly counsel from your pastor. Grow together spiritually and allow Jesus to be at the center of your marriage (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Practice Unconditional Love
The golden rule does wonders for marriages. Treat your spouse with the same grace, patience, kindness, respect, empathy, and forgiveness that you desire from them. Choose to love unconditionally, just as God loves you. This transforms the emotional climate in your relationship and facilitates restoration (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Let Go of the Past
Forgive past hurts and offenses and do not use them as ammunition in arguments. Release each other from any bitterness, resentment, or guilt over previous mistakes. Focus on creating a new future together, rather than dredging up old wounds (Philippians 3:13-14).
Spend Quality Time Together
Life’s busyness can drive you apart. Set aside regular date nights, weekends away, and vacations together. Disconnect from technology and truly focus on each other during these times. Shared experiences and memories will provide the glue to bind you back together (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Seek Outside Help
Enlist support from mentors, counselors, pastors, workshops, or marriage enrichment programs. There are many resources available with proven strategies for reconciliation and growth. You don’t need to figure this out alone. Avail yourself of the help God provides through others (Hebrews 13:7).
Consider a Trial Separation
In extreme cases due to abuse, addiction, or repeated infidelity, a temporary separation may be needed. This provides space for healing before restoration. However, the goal should be to eventually reconcile and not give up. Even during the separation, continue praying for and supporting your spouse (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
Rely on God’s Strength
None of us can revive a dying marriage in our own power. The good news is that God promises to provide us with strength, wisdom, hope, and perseverance as we seek Him. His Spirit transforms hearts, renews minds, and restores what is broken. Yield to Him daily and watch Him resuscitate your relationship (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
Marriage is an amazing gift, but it requires constant work and care. If your marriage is faltering, do not lose hope. Commit it to the Lord, follow His biblical blueprint, and by His power, you can rebuild your relationship into something beautiful again. The effort will be well worth it.