Raising teenagers can be an incredibly challenging and stressful time for parents. The hormonal and emotional changes teenagers go through as they transition from childhood to adulthood can lead to moodiness, risk-taking behaviors, and conflict within the home. As a parent trying to raise a teenager, it’s important to rely on God’s wisdom and grace to help you through this season. The Bible offers encouragement and practical advice for navigating the ups and downs of parenting a teenager.
Trust God’s Plan for Your Teenager
As a parent, it’s natural to feel anxious about your teenager’s future. But remember that God has a purpose and plan for their life that began even before they were born. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:13-16 ESV). You can find comfort knowing that God’s hands are guiding your teen, even when you cannot control the outcome yourself.
Pray Constantly for Your Teenager
Don’t underestimate the power of prayer in parenting a teenager. Pray for your teen each day, asking God to protect them and help them make wise choices. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6 ESV). Ask God to help you be a godly example, give you wisdom in relating to your teen, and bring other faithful Christian influences into your teen’s life. Approach parenting prayerfully, relying on God’s strength when your own wears thin.
Stay Connected through Quality Time
Make time to regularly connect with your teen through activities you enjoy together. Do their favorite activities with them, have regular movie nights, or share a weekly family dinner without distractions. This gives you a window into their heart in a relaxed setting: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24 ESV). Teens still need parental love, acceptance, and relationship – sometimes they just don’t show it openly. Prioritize quality time to keep your connection strong.
Establish Clear Rules and Boundaries
Teenagers are more likely to thrive when parents take time to clearly explain household rules and provide appropriate boundaries. Set fair guidelines about things like curfew, driving privileges, computer/phone use, and appropriate friends. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). Enforcing boundaries shows your teen you care enough to guide them into responsible adulthood. Be open to discussing rules, but don’t compromise just to avoid conflict.
Choose Your Battles Wisely
Prioritize addressing issues like safety, integrity and moral character in your teenager. Let go of control in less consequential areas that won’t matter in the long run. “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22 ESV). Extend grace in areas like fashion choices, musical tastes, and friend preferences that aren’t morally compromising. Save your energy for the heart issues that really matter in your teen’s life.
Keep Communication Open
Make talking to you feel safe for your teenager. Listen without judgment when they share feelings, don’t overreact to their disclosures, and assure them of your unconditional love. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29 ESV). Ask them questions without interrogation and have discussions instead of lectures. Keeping communication open will help you guide them through difficulties and gain insight into their heart.
Model Godliness in Your Own Life
Your example as a parent has a profound impact on your teenager. They are watching how you cope with stress, handle anger, communicate with your spouse, live out your faith, and demonstrate maturity in all areas of life. “In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.” (Titus 2:7-8 ESV). Be honest about your mistakes and shortcomings, and keep growing in Christian maturity. Your life speaks volumes, so be sure your example points them to Christ.
Give Unconditional Love and Support
While your teen’s behavior may sometimes require correction, they should never question your underlying love for them. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV). Let your teen know you are for them and committed to their wellbeing, even when consequences are required. Offer forgiveness when they fail and be a safe refuge when they struggle. Your unconditional love will speak volumes.
Seek Support from Other Godly Parents
No parent can do this alone! Connect with parents of older teens who can offer you perspective and advice. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17 ESV). Ask older adults in your church to mentor and befriend your teen. Pray for other parents who are in the trenches of teen parenting too. You need encouragement and wisdom from fellow believers who understand the challenges you face. God can use a community of support to strengthen and equip you on this parenting journey.
Remember Your Teen Still Needs You
Even when teens pull away and claim independence, they still need parenting. Stay engaged and don’t check out or disengage during the teenage years when parenting feels difficult. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). Look beyond the eye rolls and resistance to the heart that still needs your nurture. Persevere in modeling godliness, enforcing boundaries, and praying for them. Your steadfast love and perseverance can anchor them through even the most turbulent seasons.
Entrust Your Teen to God’s Care
Ultimately, your teen’s life is in God’s hands. He loves them even more than you do. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22 ESV). As you consistently point them to Christ in how you live and through your words, you can find comfort that God is at work. He is able to complete his good purposes, even when parenting teens feels overwhelming. Fix your eyes on Jesus – He will sustain you and give you his perfect peace.