Proverbs 12:4 states, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” This proverb highlights the immense value and blessing that a virtuous wife brings to her husband. A crown represents honor, glory, and triumph. By comparing a virtuous wife to a crown, the verse conveys that a godly wife magnifies her husband’s leadership and enhances his reputation. She is his most prized possession, bringing him joy, satisfaction, and a sense of achievement.
She Builds Up Her Husband
A virtuous wife builds up her husband with her words and attitude. Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman as speaking “with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (v.26). She encourages, affirms, and praises her husband for his leadership and provision for the family. Her words have the power to motivate him to keep improving and pursuing noble goals. A wife’s belief in her husband’s potential helps unleash his greatest qualities. Her respect and honor make him feel like a king – with his wife as his most trusted advisor and crown.
In addition to her words, a virtuous wife’s actions build up her husband. She works hard to manage the home and cares for her family diligently (Proverbs 31:13-19, 27). Her industriousness allows her husband to focus on providing for the family, secure in the knowledge that the homefront is taken care of. A wise and competent wife is a crown on her husband’s head because her capable support enables him to fulfill his role as provider and leader most effectively.
She Brings Honor to Her Husband
A crown is a symbol of honor and glory for a king. Similarly, a virtuous wife honors her husband and brings glory to him through her godly character and reputation. Her noble character shines brightly for all to see, beautifying her husband’s good name in the process. As Proverbs 31:23 states regarding the excellent wife, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” Because of his wife’s sterling reputation, the virtuous woman’s husband is highly regarded and respected when he takes his place as a leader in the community.
Not only does a virtuous wife honor her husband before others, but she also honors him privately through her faithfulness, purity, and reverence (Ephesians 5:33). Her inner beauty and loyalty elevate her husband and make him feel like a king in his castle. There is no more supreme crown for a husband than a wife of virtue.
She Is Her Husband’s Closest Confidant and Ally
A crown adorns the head signifying closeness and intimacy with the wearer. A wife is called to be her husband’s closest friend and ally. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 speaks of the value of having a devoted, loyal companion: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor…Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” A wife who shares her husband’s labors and stands faithfully by his side no matter what, brings immeasurable strength, comfort and blessing.
Proverbs 31:11 says the heart of her husband “has no lack of gain.” He has full confidence in her because of her trustworthiness and wisdom. A wise and virtuous wife acts as her husband’s counselor and confidant, strengthening him (Proverbs 31:12). As his crown, she shares in his rule, helping him make sound decisions and sticking with him through thick and thin. Her faithful partnership crowns his life with meaning, fruitfulness and joy.
She Fears the Lord
The foundational secret to being a crown to her husband is that the excellent wife fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:30). Reverence for God and obedience to His ways enables her to honor her husband, cultivate virtue, and faithfully serve her family. As she follows the Lord, He blesses her marriage and enables her to be the crowning glory of her husband. Matthew Henry commented, “A true wife is her husband’s crown, his honour, his joy, his delight, his blessing.” As he leads their family spiritually, she supports and submits to her husband’s headship in the Lord.
She Manages Her Household Well
One of the clearest ways the virtuous woman honors her husband is by prudently overseeing the affairs of her household and family. 1 Timothy 5:14 counsels wives: “…manage their homes.” Proverbs 31 provides a vivid picture of just how the excellent wife cares diligently for her husband and children and attends to various responsibilities in the home – all of which ultimately adds to her husband’s honor and success.
The wise wife busies herself with domestic duties like purchasing food, cooking, cleaning, sewing, extending hospitality, and clothing her family beautifully (Proverbs 31:13-22). She knows how to buy real estate, plant vineyards, and manage a business (Proverbs 31:16-18, 24). The excellent wife works diligently with her hands doing valuable tasks that allow her household to run efficiently and her family to live comfortably (Proverbs 31:13-19, 27). Her humble service and tireless industry bless her family immensely.
The worth of a wise and capable wife who cares for her home so excellently is far above jewels (Proverbs 31:10). Her prudent management and oversight of the household allows her husband to fulfill his roles with minimal anxiety and burden. Knowing his wife is handling the homefront with excellence gives the husband great confidence, freeing him up to thrive as a leader and provider.
She Cares for Her Family Selflessly
At the heart of the excellent wife’s ministry within the home is selfless care for her husband and children. She works diligently to serve nutritious meals, make clothing, and prepare a warm, inviting home because she loves her family deeply (Proverbs 31:13-15, 21, 27). Her heart is oriented toward the needs of her husband and children before her own. She shows her husband honor by respecting him, building him up, submitting to his leadership, and supporting him in his work (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33).
The wise wife is also vigilant to manage her household in a way that benefits her children and husband, not just herself. She attends to the business side of homemaking – buying fields, planting vineyards, making goods to sell – so that her efforts can bless her family (Proverbs 31:16, 24). All she puts her hands to do is motivated by love and geared toward the good of those God has entrusted to her care.
What an incredible blessing the selfless service of a wife and mother is! The husband and children of a virtuous woman reap the sweet fruits of her labors. Her loving household management enables the family to thrive and gives her husband great joy and satisfaction.
She Is Trustworthy and Capable
An excellent wife manages the home with such prudence and skill that her husband can safely entrust his livelihood and estate to her care. Proverbs 31:11 states, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” Because she has proven her character and capability, her husband can confidently delegate responsibilities to her and focus on his own work.
Not only is the wise wife perfectly trustworthy, but she is highly competent in her work. Proverbs 31 emphasizes the excellent wife’s skill, industry, wisdom, and competence as she buys land, plants vineyards, makes goods to sell, and puts her hand to many tasks. She works with willing hands and strength of purpose to build her home (Proverbs 31:13, 17-19, 24). Her high capability makes her husband’s work lighter and brings prosperity.
What an incredible asset a wife of virtue is! She lightens her husband’s load and frees him to maximize his leadership. He can pursue his calling with confidence, knowing the homefront is covered. Her trustworthiness allows him to delegate freely; her competence enables her to fulfill diverse responsibilities masterfully. The husband of such a woman is richly blessed!
She Brings Her Husband Good, Not Harm
In contrast to the blessing that the excellent wife is to her husband, Proverbs 12:4 warns that “she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” A contentious, unfaithful, or slothful wife brings harm to her husband and marriage in multiple ways:
- She frequently argues, complains, and tears down her husband with her words.
- She neglects caring for the home and family.
- She is unwise with money and fails to build the household.
- She undermines her husband’s leadership and damages his reputation.
- She is selfish and motivated by her own desires rather than what benefits her family.
- She is unfaithful to the marriage covenant.
This kind of wife ends up being like “rottenness in his bones” – a source of intense pain, regret, and trouble. Nothing eats away at a husband’s vigor and vitality more than a contentious wife who brings harm.
In contrast, the excellent wife works hard to do her husband only good: “She does him good and not harm all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). She is careful with her words, building up her husband and speaking to him lovingly. She serves him with joy and honors his leadership. The virtuous wife does everything within her ability to help her husband thrive in his manhood and calling.
Practical Ways a Wife Can Be Her Husband’s Crown
Every believing wife likely desires to be the crown and blessing to her husband that Proverbs 31 describes. Here are some practical ways Christian wives can cultivate the qualities of the excellent wife day-to-day:
- Put Christ first. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Only by God’s grace and strength can a selfish heart learn to love and serve others. Abide in Christ through studying the Word, prayer, fellowship, and obedience.
- Learn your husband’s needs. Strive to understand his longings, pressures, hopes and fears. Seek to relieve his burdens and make home a welcoming refuge.
- Speak encouraging words. Affirm his gifts and character. Be slow to criticize. Use words that build him up and give grace (Ephesians 4:29).
- Limit arguments. Humbly share your perspective. Don’t insist on being right or use hurtful words. Be quick to forgive and make peace (James 1:19-20).
- Pursue a gentle spirit. God values a gentle and quiet spirit. Don’t let selfishness, anger or bitterness take root (1 Peter 3:4, Ephesians 4:31).
- Diligently care for the home. Do your part cheerfully – cooking, cleaning, hospitality, and more. Don’t neglect domestic duties (Titus 2:4-5).
- Live within your means. Be wise and generous with family finances. Avoid wasteful spending. Be a good steward of what God has provided.
- Honor your husband’s leadership. Respect your husband’s decisions. Support his goals and calling. Submit to his authority as head (Ephesians 5:22-24).
- Build companionship. Pursue hobbies you enjoy together. Listen attentively. Nurture your friendship. Keep your marriage strong.
- Make intimacy a priority. Regular physical intimacy builds closeness and satisfaction. Do not deprive your husband in this area (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
By God’s power at work within Christian wives, we can grow to become women of virtue who selflessly serve our husbands and children. What an honor it is to be the crown and confidant of the man God has chosen for you! The pursuit of excellence as a helper, companion, lover, and friend to your husband brings glory to God and reaps incredibly bountiful blessings.