Genesis 3:16 states “To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” This verse comes after the Fall, when God is pronouncing the consequences of sin on Adam, Eve, and all humanity. It highlights a change in the relationship between husband and wife as a result of sin.
Prior to the Fall, Adam and Eve equally shared dominion over creation as co-image bearers of God (Genesis 1:26-28). They were naked and unashamed, indicating an openness and transparency between them (Genesis 2:25). However, after they sinned, their relationship changed dramatically. Eve’s desire would now be “contrary” to Adam’s leadership. And he would “rule over” her.
The word translated “desire” refers to a strong, controlling urge or craving. Because of sin, Eve would now have the impulse to oppose Adam’s leadership over her. Sin brought a spirit of contention, power struggle, and discord into the marriage relationship. The curse made Eve resistant to Adam’s headship, even though that was God’s design from creation. She would want to control him or usurp his authority.
At the same time, Adam’s responsibility to lead Eve well was corrupted by sin. Instead of exercising loving, sacrificial leadership, he would be prone to respond with forceful domination. Sin inclined both the husband and wife to fulfill their roles in ways that were unloving and destructive to their relationship.
This relational brokenness between husband and wife has continued through humanity’s sin nature. Men tend to respond to their wife’s lack of respect by asserting harsh authority, often mistaking domination for leadership. Women are prone to resist their husband’s efforts to lead and help, seeing him as an opponent rather than an ally. This results in marriage relationships filled with competition, control, friction, and pain.
However, in Christ, God graciously redeems what sin has corrupted. Although husbands and wives will struggle with the effects of the curse this side of eternity, the gospel empowers them to reject relating out of their sin nature. Wives, with the Spirit’s help, can choose to accept and affirm their husband’s leadership out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). Husbands, enabled by God’s grace, can lead their wife sacrificially as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-30). As each spouse dies to selfishness and lives for the other’s good, unity, understanding, and love are restored to the marriage relationship.
1. The Meaning of “Desire” in Genesis 3:16
The Hebrew word translated as “desire” in Genesis 3:16 is “teshuwqah.” It refers to a strong craving, longing, or urge. This same word is used later in Genesis regarding sin’s temptation of Cain:
“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7).
Just as sin’s strong impulse was to master Cain, the woman’s desire after the Fall is to oppose her husband’s leadership over her. God describes this desire as “contrary” to him. The word “contrary” further emphasizes how her urge is against his headship and authority.
This desire is not a positive sexual longing, as some interpret it. Rather, it represents how sin corrupted the wife’s godly support of her husband’s leadership into resisting him instead. Their relationship dynamic is now prone to power struggles, discord, and dissention.
2. God’s Ideal for Marriage Before the Fall
To understand this desire as a curse, we must first consider God’s original design for marriage. In Genesis 1, God reveals His plan for marital roles:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion…” (Genesis 1:27-28)
As co-image bearers of God, the man and woman were created to rule over creation together as equals. They shared jointly in the privileges and responsibilities God gave mankind.
Their equality of essence, dignity, and dominion continued after the Fall. However, the introduction of sin corrupted how they would live out their roles toward each other. The balance of the relationship was lost. The husband would seek dominance and the wife defiance.
We see hints of how their roles differed even before sin in Genesis 2. Adam was created first and then Eve was created as his helper (Genesis 2:18). The woman was made “for man” as the Apostle Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 11:9. So there was a distinction in their roles from the very beginning.
However, these role differences were not corrupted by pride, selfishness, and the quest for power until after the Fall. Only then did Eve’s desire begin to resist Adam’s leadership. The unity and transparency between them in the Garden was tragically lost.
3. The Effects of the Curse on the Marriage Relationship
After God pronounces judgment on the man and woman’s disobedience, the consequences of sin begin to unfold. For the first time, Adam and Eve feel shame and hide from God (Genesis 3:8-10). They start blaming one another for what happened (Genesis 3:12-13). Their relationship, once completely open and unashamed, is now filled with discord, friction, and the tendency to put self first.
The curse in Genesis 3:16 succinctly summarizes how the husband-wife relationship would suffer from then on. Eve’s urge to resist Adam’s headship would bring tension and power struggles. Adam’s responsibility to lead Eve well would be twisted into harsh domination. Here are some specific ways the curse corrupted God’s design for marriage:
- The wife is prone to resist and rebel against her husband’s efforts to provide guidance and direction.
- The husband tends to become passive or respond with anger and force.
- Communication breaks down due to lack of trust and understanding.
- Self-centeredness ruins intimacy and oneness between the couple.
- The marriage becomes characterized by competition for control rather than mutual submission.
In summary, the wife’s desire to oppose the husband introduced contention over headship into the marriage. The husband’s sinful tendency to dominate stole away loving leadership. These consequences have rippled through marriages ever since.
4. How Wives Struggle with Submission
For wives, God’s judgment on Eve affects how they relate to their husband’s leadership. She is now prone to resist his authority and rebel against it. This causes many marital conflicts.
Many women despise the idea of submission because they associate it with abuse and oppression. However, God calls a wife to submit voluntarily to her own husband’s leadership out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). It does not mean mindless obedience or inferior personhood.
Due to the curse, women must fight against the tendency to disrespect and dishonor their husband. They are prone to resist his leadership at every turn. This causes disunity, frustration, and fracture in the relationship. The key for wives is to reject the urge to oppose her husband and instead support him in his calling to lead in the marriage and family.
Ways Wives May Seek to Usurp Headship
- Directly undermine the husband’s decisions
- Refuse to follow his lead or guidance
- Withhold intimacy as punishment
- Threaten divorce to manipulate him
- Compare him unfavorably to other men
- Verbally assault or dishonor his manhood
- Make key family decisions independently
When a wife relates to her husband this way, she is giving in to the curse rather than fighting it through the power of the gospel. God calls her to affirm her husband’s headship and build him up in his leadership role, not tear him down.
5. How Husbands Fail at Loving Leadership
For husbands, the effects of the curse tempt them to fulfill their leadership role through harsh domination. God warns that the man will “rule over” his wife, using force rather than selfless care and love.
Due to his sin nature, a husband tends to become passive about leading his wife or seeks to control her through anger, threats, criticism, or abuse. Either extreme violates God’s mandate for how he is to exercise headship – with sacrificial love modeled after Christ.
Ways Husbands Fail as Servant-Leaders
- Abandon all leadership and become passive
- Make decisions without his wife’s input
- Criticize his wife constantly
- Expect his wife to wait on him
- Withhold intimacy or affection as punishment
- Physically abuse or intimidate his wife
- Demean her abilities, ambitions, or opinions
The key for husbands is to reject harsh domination and embrace the biblical model of headship seen in Jesus Christ. He calls the husband to lead through humble service, sacrificial love, and empowering his wife to fulfill her God-given potential.
6. Marriage Before and After the Gospel
Because of the curse, marriage after the Fall was corrupted by friction over headship, abuse of authority, loss of intimacy, and hostility between spouses. However, through faith in Christ, God mercifully provides grace to overcome sin’s effects on marriage.
The gospel restores God’s original design for marriage. Although the curse will not be completely lifted until eternity, Jesus empowers husbands and wives to reject relating through their sin nature. Ephesians 5 provides God’s blueprint for marriage relationships renewed by the gospel.
Marriage Before the Gospel
- Wife resists husband’s headship
- Husband leads through harsh domination
- Relationship filled with friction and power struggles
- Lack of intimacy, communication, and oneness
Marriage After the Gospel
- Wife submits voluntarily to husband’s leadership
- Husband leads with sacrificial, nurturing love
- Relationship characterized by mutual service, unity, and intimacy
- Partnership in marriage fulfillment through God’s design
Therefore, the “curse” of Eve’s desire is not inevitable for believers. Wives, with the Spirit’s help, can choose to affirm their husband’s headship rather than resist it. Husbands can reject domination and embrace Christ-like servant leadership. In this way, the gospel empowers couples to pursue marriage as God originally designed it before the Fall – the way it was meant to be.
7. Submission and Headship in Marriage: The Biblical Model
The Bible gives clear direction to husbands and wives for how to overcome the effects of the curse through gospel renewal. God’s Word calls each spouse to fulfill their marital roles not according to their sin nature, but according to their new nature in Christ.
The Wife’s Role – Voluntary Submission
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” (Ephesians 5:22–23)
A wife is called to submit to her husband’s servant leadership based on her love for Christ. This voluntary submission to her own spouse does not imply inferiority, but rather distinct complementary roles as God designed. She can embrace submission as the way she honors both the Lord and her husband.
The Husband’s Role – Selfless Love and Leadership
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25–28)
The husband fulfills his headship role not through domineering authority but through selfless, sacrificial love that serves his wife before himself. He is called to nurture, protect, honor, and help his wife become fully who God made her to be. This is Christ-like leadership.
Therefore, the curse does not have the final say for Christian marriages. Wives and husbands who submit to God’s design for their relationship can experience unity, understanding, and partnership as God intended. The gospel breaks the curse by empowering spouses to love and serve one another as Christ loved the church.
8. Practical Ways Marriages Can Overcome the Curse
How can Christian couples practically walk in victory over the effects of the curse? Here are some biblical strategies for embracing God’s model of the husband leading with love and the wife joyfully affirming his headship:
For Wives
- Pray for a submissive spirit and a desire to follow your husband’s lead.
- Initiate physical affection rather than withholding intimacy.
- Give words of encouragement and affirmation for his leadership.
- Discuss decisions together while still deferring to your husband.
- Focus on your husband’s strengths rather than comparing him to other men.
- Honor his final decisions rather than manipulating him to get your way.
For Husbands
- Pray for a spirit of servant leadership like Jesus Christ.
- Honor your wife’s desires, needs, and insights when making decisions.
- Seek forgiveness when you have been harsh or domineering over your wife.
- Affirm your wife’s gifts, qualities, and contributions to your marriage.
- Lead your wife with patience and kindness rather than anger or insults.
- Take responsibility for your leadership failures and ask how to improve.
As each spouse dies to self and follows God’s design, they can experience mutual understanding, intimacy, and partnership in their marriage. Although the curse will not be eradicated fully until eternity, obedience to God’s Word allows couples to walk in freedom from the curse.
9. God’s Grace and Redemption for Marriages
Because of sin, husbands and wives will struggle in their marriage relationships this side of heaven. The curse brings inevitable hardship and heartache into the roles God created for marriage.
However, the gospel brings redemption and healing. Through Christ, couples can reject relating through sin and embrace God’s design. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, they can choose forgiveness, humility, and sacrificial love instead.
Christian marriages testify to the redemptive power of the gospel. Though the curse still affects marriage, God’s grace enables relationships marked by unity, mutual service, intimacy, and love. This reflects the selfless love Christ demonstrated for His church.
Therefore, a wife’s desire for her husband does not have to manifest in resistance and discord. By submitting to God’s Word, she can embrace submission, just as the church yields to Christ. Likewise, a husband’s responsibility to lead his wife does not have to result in domination. Following Christ’s model of servant leadership, he can lay down self-interest to care for his wife’s needs before his own.
As Christian couples walk in the light of the gospel, they bear witness to God’s ability to transform relationships and make all things new. Though the curse is still in effect, it no longer has power over marriages submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ. His redemption is able to overcome the consequences of the Fall in male-female relationships.