The Bible does not give an exact prescription for how often a married couple should have sex. However, it does offer principles and perspectives that can guide couples in determining what is appropriate for their marriage.
Sex is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed within marriage
The Bible makes it clear that sex is a good gift from God, meant to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage (Genesis 2:24-25, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Songs). Hebrews 13:4 says “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.” God designed sex for marriage, and there is no shame in a husband and wife enjoying this gift together.
Each spouse’s body belongs to the other
1 Corinthians 7:4 says “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” This indicates that both the husband and wife have a responsibility to meet their spouse’s sexual needs and not deprive each other.
Come together regularly to avoid temptation
1 Corinthians 7:5 says “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Couples should strive to come together regularly in order to avoid sexual temptation.
Focus on pleasing your spouse
The Bible encourages an “others first” attitude in marriage, focusing on meeting your spouse’s needs (Philippians 2:3-4, Ephesians 5:25, 33). This applies to sex as well. Couples should focus on pleasing their spouse sexually, rather than demanding their own way.
Be considerate of each other’s situation
The Bible calls spouses to be thoughtful and considerate of one another (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, Romans 12:10). When it comes to sex, couples should care about their spouse’s energy levels, health conditions, emotions, and desires – not insisting on sex if it would overburden their mate.
Prioritize intimacy over frequency
While frequency is important, the Bible emphasizes growing true intimacy in marriage. Couples should focus on building closeness through communication, vulnerability, service, and spiritual oneness (Genesis 2:24-25, Ephesians 5:31-33). This foundation enables physical intimacy to flourish.
Keep sex exclusive to marriage
Sexual activity outside of marriage is strictly forbidden (Exodus 20:14, Proverbs 5:15-23). Couples should commit to reserving all forms of sexual intimacy solely for their marriage partner, which strengthens the bond.
Be pure in mind and body
The Bible calls Christians to purity in all areas. This includes rejecting pornography and lustful thoughts, in addition to pure actions (Matthew 5:27-30, Philippians 4:8, Job 31:1). Purity enables couples to truly love their spouse through sex.
Seek unity over personal rights
Scripture encourages humility and mutual submission in marriage (Ephesians 5:21). Couples should be willing to compromise when desires differ, seeking unity over personal rights. This applies to sex as well.
Go to God together when difficulties arise
When sex becomes a point of contention, couples can seek God’s wisdom together through prayer and Scripture study (James 1:5, Proverbs 2:6). They can also seek godly counsel if needed (Proverbs 11:14). God can redeem any struggle in a marriage.
Be patient and extend grace
The Bible calls couples to be patient, forgiving, and gracious with one another (Colossians 3:12-14, Ephesians 4:2). Spouses should extend abundant grace regarding frequency of sex, realizing each person’s needs are different. Communication and flexibility are key.
Keep a spirit of romance and enjoyment
Couples should keep the spark of romance alive by flirting, dating, and bringing creativity into the bedroom based on each other’s likes. God wants married couples to thoroughly enjoy sex as one of his good gifts (Ecclesiastes 9:9, Song of Songs).
Don’t use sex manipulatively
The motivation for sex should be love for one’s spouse, not selfishness or control. Spouses must not refuse sex to manipulate or punish their partner, and likewise not demand it for selfish gain (1 Corinthians 13:5).
Understand differences between men and women
God created men and women differently when it comes to desire and arousal. Couples should take time to understand one another’s unique wiring and needs (1 Peter 3:7). Working together in love and sacrifice leads to mutual fulfillment.
Keep realistic expectations
No couple will have perfect sexual compatibility at all times throughout their marriage. Couples should keep realistic expectations, extend grace during seasons of disconnect, and focus on overall relationship health beyond just sex.
Make sex a priority, but not an idol
Couples should prioritize sex and intimacy in marriage. However, sex should not become an idol or point of control. If either spouse becomes obsessive, the focus must shift back to faith and character (Colossians 3:5, 1 John 2:15-17).
In summary, the Bible does not mandate a specific frequency for marital sex. It emphasizes principles like mutual service, compromise, purity, exclusivity, and wise understanding of one another. When these attitudes exist, the frequency often takes care of itself. Couples should enjoy this gift freely within their marriage for a lifetime.