Dealing with a loved one who abandons the Christian faith can be incredibly difficult and painful. As believers, how should we respond in a godly manner? Here are some biblical principles to keep in mind:
Respond with Love, Not Judgment
It’s easy to react harshly when someone walks away from what we hold dear. But we must remember that God loves them, even in their doubting state (John 3:16). We too must reflect God’s heart by responding in love, not judgment (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Don’t condemn them for their decision or question their salvation. Show Christ’s compassion.
Seek to Understand Their Reasons
There’s usually an underlying issue that caused them to leave – ask caring questions to understand their thought process (Proverbs 18:13). Listen without being defensive. Validate their wrestling even if you disagree. By listening, you may gain insight to help them spiritually. But be wary of getting pulled into arguments – stay focused on understanding them as a person.
Pray for Them Diligently
Bring their struggles before God’s throne through prayer (Philippians 4:6-7). Ask God to draw their hearts back to Himself (John 6:44). Pray for open doors to speak truth into their lives. Recognize that only God’s Spirit can ultimately restore their faith, so depend on Him through prayer.
Point Them to Jesus
Resist the temptation to try to intellectually win arguments. While apologetics have a place, only Jesus transforms hearts (Hebrews 4:12). Share your personal testimony of Christ’s work in your life. Remind them of Biblical truths they once knew. Lovingly keep directing them back to Jesus, not mere doctrines.
Be Patient and Perseverant
Leaving the faith doesn’t happen overnight – and returning takes time too. Don’t give up on them even if they push you away initially (Galatians 6:9). God is patient and pursues us tirelessly (Psalm 86:15). Reflect His heart by gently remaining in their life as much as possible. Faithfully pray and wait on God’s timing to draw them back.
Trust God with the Outcome
As painful as it is to see someone walk away spiritually, we must remember that God is still sovereign. His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). He loves them more than we do. Yield control to God, trust in His mysterious but good plan, and find peace in knowing you were faithful to plant seeds (1 Corinthians 3:6-7).
Examine Your Own Heart
When someone abandons their faith, it’s natural to wonder where you went wrong. But avoid false guilt. Their choice isn’t your responsibility. That said, humbly ask God to reveal any ways you may have failed them. Learn from it, repent, and keep drawing near to Jesus yourself. You can’t change them, but you can grow in grace.
Walking this road isn’t easy, but God will help you through the pain and questions. By clinging to Jesus and acting in His compassionate love, you can faithfully represent Him even amidst your loved one’s doubts. Don’t lose hope – God still hears your prayers and can use you to call them home.
“My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.” (James 5:19-20)
Remain in Fellowship with Them
It can be tempting to withdraw from someone who abandons their faith. But isolation often further solidifies their decision. Continue inviting them to Christian gatherings and interacting regularly. Keep engaging even if they decline. Your faithful friendship plant seeds for their potential future return.
Avoid Debates and Arguments
It’s usually counterproductive to try to logically argue them back to faith. That often further hardens their stance. Instead, speak truth conversationally, not confrontationally. Share your personal testimony rather than preaching at them. Lovingly appeal to their emotions and past relationship with God vs. just their intellect.
Give Them Good Resources
Offer to study the Bible together or give them solid Christian books/media to help address their doubts and questions. Recommend resources that bolster faith rather than attacking it. But don’t force anything on them or make them feel judged for not reading it. Give them space to engage on their timeframe.
Confess Your Own Doubts and Struggles
Appropriately opening up about your own faith struggles builds relational bridges to those walking through doubt. Assure them that wrestling with questions is normal, but God always proves faithful. Your vulnerability can reassure them that they’re still loved, even when doubting.
Speak Truth – Even If Rejected
Don’t shy away from biblical truth just because they may reject it initially. When the Spirit leads, gently confront their false views with God’s Word. Remind them of the goodness of the gospel. Affirm that walking away ultimately leads to emptiness. But always speak truth in love, not judgment.
Surround Them with a Community of Believers
Particularly if they’ve left the church, try to connect them to mature Christians who can love on them, answer their concerns, and draw them back into regular fellowship. It’s harder to abandon the faith when surrounded by God’s people speaking truth.
Point to God’s Work in Their Life Previously
Remind them of meaningful spiritual markers from their past – when God clearly spoke to their hearts, used them powerfully, or drew them closer to Himself. Help them recall stirrings of the Spirit they’ve experienced. This stirs up dormant affection and reverence for the Lord.
Appeal to the Consequences of Abandoning Faith
Lovingly warn them of the costs of walking away – lack of meaning/purpose, damaged relationships, no eternal security, etc. Note specific ways you’ve seen their life negatively change since abandoning belief. Kindly offer to help them get back on the right path.
Balance Grace and Truth
It’s delicate to show unconditional love while also calling those leaving the faith back to truth. But both grace and truth come from Jesus (John 1:14). Season your loving relationship with gentle truth-telling as the Spirit leads – speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Acknowledge the Hardships They Face
Leaving the faith brings intense loneliness, shame, confusion, emptiness, and pain. Acknowledge you recognize how extremely difficult this path is for them. Assure them you want to walk with them through it, no matter how far they stray.
Continue Serving and Honoring Them
Don’t stop serving and honoring them as valuable members of your life, even in their lost state. Jesus was a friend of sinners (Luke 7:34). Follow His model by continuing to love and serve them, no matter how far they wander.
Ask Questions to Understand Their Thought Process
Seek to understand the experiences, views, relationships, and motivations underlying their decision to leave the faith. Listen without judgment. Ask thoughtful questions to unearth root issues you can help address. Seek truth, not just debate-winning.
Focus on Prayer, Not Persuasion
Rather than trying to argue them back into the Kingdom, commit to fervent prayer on their behalf. Ask God to remove spiritual blindness and barriers to faith. Prayer is the most powerful thing you can do for them. Consistently pray and trust God to work.
Watch for Signs of Openness
Even in seasons of doubt, God often softens their hearts at various points. Prayerfully watch for open doors where they express willingness to re-engage spiritually. When you see hints of receptivity, graciously come alongside them as they take steps forward.
Remind Them of God’s Love and Promises
Gently remind them that, despite their doubts and feelings, God always remains faithful and loving – no matter how far they stray. Share promises of God pursuing the lost sheep and welcoming back the prodigal son. He awaits their return.
Avoid Oversimplifying Their Doubts
Don’t minimize the sincerity, depth and intricacy of their doubts and reasons for leaving the faith. Acknowledge you realize it’s far more complex than any quick Christian platitude could address. Validate their soul-wrestling.
Give Them Space When Needed
As much as you want to pursue them, sometimes people need space to process their doubts apart from pressure to return. Prayerfully discern when patience rather than persuasion is needed. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to reconnect.
Weep for Them
It’s appropriate to weep in anguish over their lost state, just as Jesus wept for unbelieving Jerusalem (Luke 19:41). Your tears reflect God’s heart of compassion for the wandering. But believe through the sadness that restoration is possible.
Trust the Spirit to Lead Your Response
There’s no cookie cutter formula to responding to spiritual abandonment. Pray for wisdom, listen to the Spirit’s guidance, and discern the appropriate response for each person and situation. Yield to the Spirit’s leading in every interaction.
Extend Practical Help and Support
Even if they reject your spiritual input, find ways to serve them practically. Meet tangible needs, attend important events, and continue extending care and support even when they don’t reciprocate. Consistent love softens hard hearts.
Remember Leaving Faith is Rarely the Root Problem
While faith abandonment is serious, it’s usually symptomatic of deeper core wounds or unmet needs – the true root issue. Ask God to reveal core hurts/longings that may be driving their flight from faith so you can gently care for those with compassion.
Cultivate a Heart of Forgiveness
Harboring bitterness over their leaving the faith only hurts you, not them. Choose to forgive them for the pain their departure causes. Release them to God, trusting He can change any heart. Let go of anger so you can freely minister grace.
Wait Expectantly for Divine Openings
Rest in the truth that God can use even brief openings to draw someone back – a hurting moment, spiritual conversation, meaningful song, Scripture verse, etc. Watch expectantly for how God may unexpectedly reach them, then respond accordingly.
Remember It’s a Spiritual Battle
At the core, rejecting Christ reflects spiritual warfare over their soul. Put on the full armor of God as you intercede for them (Ephesians 6:10-18). Plead the blood of Jesus over their life. Engage prayerfully, not just relationally.
Point to Historical Evidence for Christianity
Sometimes doubts stem from feeling Christianity lacks evidence. In these cases, sharing historical proof of Scripture’s reliability, the resurrection, and other external confirmations of the faith may help convince their mind.
Keep Inviting Them to Church
Don’t stop inviting them to church services and events, even if they consistently decline. Consistent invitations demonstrate unwavering love and ensure they know they’re always welcome in God’s house.
Reassure Them of God’s Presence
They may feel alone, but assure them God is with them on this prodigal journey away from home, ready to embrace them upon their return (Psalm 139:7-12). Remind them of God’s unseen hand guiding them back to truth.
Explain the Severity of Walking Away
Thoughtfully explain the biblical warnings against falling away – missing God’s best for their life, potential consequences, and most importantly – the reality of eternal separation from God in hell. Speak truth with tears, not condemnation.
Seek Accountability Partners
Confide in spiritually mature Christian friends who can provide prayer support, biblical wisdom, and accountability as you walk through this trial. Humility recognizes you also need encouragement to respond properly.
Point to God’s Presence Within Them
If they confess Christ as Lord, the Holy Spirit still dwells within – despite their doubts (Romans 8:9-11). Lovingly remind them of that inner compass drawing their heart back home to the Shepherd when ready.
Assure Them of Your Unconditional Love
Make sure they know your love and friendship aren’t conditional on them regaining faith. Assure them you’ll never abandon them, no matter how far they wander. God-like love draws prodigals home.
Suggest Taking a Break from Church if Needed
If church is contributing to their doubts, suggest taking a season away from church gatherings and activities instead of fully leaving the faith. Encourage them to prayerfully reflect on core issues during the break.
Challenge False Beliefs with Biblical Truth
If they express false views about God, salvation, morality, etc., graciously respond with biblical truth – not to argue but to restore understanding. Wrong beliefs often contribute to abandoning faith. Lovingly correct them.
Appeal to God’s Love Revealed Through Christ
Remind them of the unconditional love that God demonstrated by sending Jesus to die for us. Stress that no matter how far we wander, God’s arms are open wide to welcome us home through Christ (Luke 15:11-32).
Ask About Their Current Influences
Determine who or what is negatively impacting their views – certain friends, authors, social media voices, etc. Identify harmful influences you may need to gently warn them away from for their own spiritual protection.
Emphasize the Hopelessness of Life Without God
Thoughtfully highlight how those who abandon faith often report increased depression, anxiety, loneliness, and lack of meaning and purpose over time. Stress you don’t want them stuck in such hopeless despair.
Focus on Relational Investment Over Intellectual Argument
Rather than engaging in lengthy intellectual debates trying to “win them back,” focus more on quality relational time laughing, listening, and loving on them. Relationships water the seeds of restored faith.
Encourage Counseling or Mentorship
Sometimes third party Christian counselors and mentors can effectively help analyze core issues and apply biblical truth in ways family/friends cannot. Offer to help connect them if they’re open to guidance.
Share Meaningful Expressions of God’s Love Toward Them
Tell them specific times when God spoke to you about how much He cherishes them. Share any Scriptures, prophetic words, dreams, etc. that reveal God’s intimate love for them as His child.
Avoid Driving Them Further Away
As much as you want them back, beware of pressuring or shaming them in ways that may inadvertently alienate them further. Strive for patience and grace, not control – allowing God to work on His timeline.
Remember That Only God Grants Repentance
Despite your best efforts, only God can change hearts and graciously grant repentance (2 Timothy 2:25). So rest in Him rather than your own persuasiveness. He remains mighty to save and faithful to restore.
In conclusion, walking with those who abandon the faith is messy and hard. But take heart that God still passionately pursues and welcomes back every lost soul. By following these principles, you can faithfully represent Christ – no matter how they respond. Fix your eyes on Jesus through it all – He will lead the way.