As parents, one of our main duties is to raise our children to be independent and self-sufficient adults. However, this task is often easier said than done. Letting go of our adult children can be incredibly difficult, even for Christian parents who aim to follow biblical principles. In this article, we’ll explore what the Bible says about letting go of adult children and how Christian parents can put these teachings into practice.
Honor Your Children’s Transition to Adulthood
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6 to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” As parents, we spend years teaching and guiding our children. But there comes a point where it’s time for them to live out these lessons as adults. Even once they’re grown, our children’s beliefs and values will often reflect how we raised them.
Rather than clinging to control, we can honor our children’s journey to adulthood. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a season for everything – including the season for our children to leave home and start their independent lives. View this transition as a natural progression that the Lord has ordained.
Trust God’s Plan for Your Child’s Life
It’s not easy watching our children make major life decisions without our input. As parents, our instinct is to protect and prevent any failure or pain. However, the Bible calls us to trust God’s plan for our children’s lives over our own.
In Jeremiah 29:11, God promises to give each person a future filled with hope. This includes our children. Rather than doubting God’s purpose, we can rest in His sovereignty. The Lord knows each of our children intimately and wants what is best for them. Though the path may look different than we imagined, we can believe God will use all circumstances for their good (Romans 8:28).
Release Control and Embrace Wisdom
Many Christian parents struggle to release control of their adult children because they believe they know what’s best. However, holding on too tightly can hinder their growth. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us there is a time to be silent as well as a time to speak.
Rather than clinging to control, we can offer wisdom when asked. Proverbs 1:7 says “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” As parents, we want our children to continue pursuing God’s wisdom rather than relying solely on their own. When given the opportunity, gently guide them back to Biblical truth.
Continue in Love and Prayer
Letting go of control doesn’t mean severing relationship. We are called to continue loving our children at every age. 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us true love “always hopes, always perseveres.” Abiding love hopes the best for our children, even when their path diverges from ours.
We can also continue lifting our adult children in prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 calls us to “pray continually” giving thanks in all circumstances. Entrusting our children to God in prayer allows love and wisdom to guide our reactions.
Trust God’s Work Within Them
As Christian parents, we play an integral role in teaching our children about God. However, only He can complete the work of faith within them. Philippians 1:6 promises “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
When we release control of our adult children, we make space for God to work. The Lord promised that if we train up our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Trust that He will finish shaping their faith and character.
Rejoice in Their Walk
Rather than viewing this transition as a loss, we can rejoice in this new season. In the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), the father celebrates his son’s return to relationship. Similarly, we can celebrate each step our children take in walking out God’s purpose for their lives.
Philippians 1:4 says, “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.” When we surrender control, our prayers become infused with joyful anticipation of what God will do. Though the path may wind, we can rejoice in where He is leading them.
Grow Through the Transition
As much as parenting teaches our children, caring for adult children teaches us. This letting go process deepens our trust in God’s sovereignty and love for our children. It shapes us to release rather than control.
2 Corinthians 12:9 reminds us that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. Surrendering our children to God requires courage and vulnerability uncommon in our culture of control. But He promises to supply all we need to grow through this transition.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Maintaining healthy boundaries is key when relating to adult children. When conflicts arise, take care to address issues respectfully. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Speak truth gently and thoughtfully.
It can also be wise to limit time spent offering advice. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us there is a time to be silent as well as a time to speak. Refrain from fixing all problems and allow your children to seek solutions themselves.
Embrace a New Season of Relationship
The parent-child relationship inevitably evolves as children grow. Letting go allows space for a new kind of friendship to form. Song of Songs 8:7 says, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.” God’s love flowing between parent and child remains a constant.
This transition can lead to increased openness. As adults, children often voluntarily confide struggles and celebrate victories. Embrace this new season of relationship grounded in mutual love and respect.
Entrust Your Children to God Daily
Fully releasing our children requires intentionally entrusting them to God each day. As 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for you.” Surrendering control may feel unnatural, but the Lord understands and will help us.
As we lift our children to God in prayer, He fills us with supernatural peace and trust. The more we release them to the Father daily, the less anxiety grips our hearts. His love and purpose will guide their lives well.
Remember God’s Faithfulness
This letting go process often surfaces our fears about the future. When doubts arise, remember how God has been faithful before. Joshua 1:9 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Recall specific times when God guided, protected or provided for your family. Thank Him for demonstrations of His goodness and ask for continued faith. He who was faithful in the past will remain faithful all of our child’s days.
Walk in Freedom and Joy
While releasing our children to God requires vulnerability and trust, it also grants freedom. As children transition to adulthood, Christian parents are invited to rediscover their own purpose apart from actively parenting.
Galatians 5:1 proclaims, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Allowing our children to walk in God’s purpose frees us to do the same.
This season also grants joy of watching our children grow into who God designed them to be. Seeing the Lord’s fingerprints on their lives fills us with new gratefulness and anticipation for how He will work in and through them.
Model God’s Love
One of the most powerful ways we can care for our adult children is by modeling God’s love. 1 John 4:12 reminds us, “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” When we love others well, our children witness lived-out faith.
They see firsthand what it means to follow Christ’s model of servant-hearted love. Our lives become a reflection of the Heavenly Father’s kindness and compassion. We point our children to God simply by loving like Him.
Release Expectations
As parents, it’s easy to hold expectations for how our children’s lives will unfold. However, clinging to our plans can limit what God wants to do. Proverbs 19:21 reminds us, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Releasing expectations frees our children walk in God’s purpose. Their lives may look differently than we imagined, but will be guided by the Shepherd who loves them intimately. As we surrender our expectations, we gain eyes to see the Lord’s handiwork.
Prioritize Prayer Over Anxiety
This letting go process surfaces a plethora of anxieties about the unknown. When worries arise, choose prayer over anxious thoughts. Philippians 4:6-7 instructs us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Prayer is our lifeline to God’s peace and direction. Entrusting our children to the Lord in prayer guards our hearts from descending into worry. His peace in the midst of unknowns is a gift He longs to give.
Seek Community and Counsel
At times, the transition of letting go feels intensely lonely. Seek community from other parents walking this road. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Community lightens our load.
Also consider seeking counsel from pastors or mentors. Proverbs 11:14 says, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.” The Lord uses wise counsel to bring clarity when we feel lost or overwhelmed. Don’t isolate; reach out.
Entrust Your Children to Follow God
After pouring years into raising our children, it can feel terrifying to step back and release control. However, the Lord reminds us that ultimately He is responsible for completing their faith. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says, “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”
God remains faithful when we falter. His strength and protection covers our children. When doubts surface, remember He holds their future. Entrust them wholly to the Shepherd who will guide their steps on the path ahead.
Letting go of adult children is a process that requires courage, vulnerability and trust. Christian parents can rest in God’s love, wisdom and sovereignty when emotions and anxieties run high. He will continue faithfully shaping and guiding both parent and child into the new seasons He has prepared.