This is a complex question that Christians have debated for centuries. There are several factors to consider when examining what the Bible teaches about sex outside of marriage and whether it constitutes marriage in God’s eyes.
Old Testament Laws on Premarital Sex
In the Old Testament, the law prohibited premarital sex and considered it to be a sin (Exodus 22:16-17). However, premarital sex did not automatically constitute marriage. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 says that if a man slept with an unmarried woman, he had to marry her and pay a bride-price. This indicates that they were not considered married until the man married her and paid the bride-price.
Leviticus 18:20 and Deuteronomy 22:23-24 prohibited adultery, which was understood as sex with someone else’s spouse. If premarital sex made you married, it could not be adultery. So the Old Testament law did not equate premarital sex with marriage.
New Testament Teachings on Sexual Immorality
The New Testament affirms the prohibition on sexual immorality, which includes premarital sex. Passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 instruct believers to abstain from sexual immorality and learn to control their bodies in holiness and honor. Sexual relations were reserved for marriage.
So the consistent testimony of Scripture is that God desires sexual intimacy to occur only between a husband and wife in marriage. Sex outside of those bounds is sinful – whether that is premarital sex, adultery, or any other expression of sexual immorality.
Marriage as a Covenant Before God
The Bible presents marriage as a lifelong covenant commitment before God to love and cherish one another. God designed marriage and sex to be intertwined – so that the physical union of sex is an expression of the relational union between husband and wife.
Throughout Scripture, beginning a marriage covenant is portrayed as a deliberate decision before God, accompanied by a public announcement and celebration (Matthew 1:18-25, John 2:1-12). The marriage union was not understood to happen automatically through sexual relations.
So according to the Bible, an unmarried couple having sex does not suddenly make them married in God’s eyes. Marriage involves the couple consciously entering into a covenant commitment together before God.
Fornication as a Sin Against God’s Design
Several New Testament passages address the issue of sexual immorality (the Greek word is porneia). This is a broad term that includes premarital sex. Colossians 3:5-7 tells believers to put off sexual immorality and Ephesians 5:3 declares it must not even be named among believers.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 states that abstaining from sexual immorality is God’s will and that ignoring this instruction is sinning against God. 1 Corinthians 6:18 describes sexual sin as being against one’s own body. So the Bible consistently frames sexual relations outside of marriage as being extremely serious.
First Corinthians 6:9-10 includes fornicators in a list of those who will not inherit the kingdom of God unless they repent. So premarital sex is a sin that mars the image of God in humans. While forgiveness is offered through Christ, it must be accompanied by repentance (1 John 1:9).
Call to Holiness for God’s Children
Several passages in the New Testament call believers to pursue holiness and avoid sexual immorality because their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16-17, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20). As children of God, Christians are urged not to let sin reign over their mortal bodies (Romans 6:12).
Rather than being conformed to their former lusts, Christians are instructed to emulate the holy nature of Christ himself (1 Peter 1:14-16). Sexual sin grieves the Holy Spirit and dungeons believers into a cycle of sin (Ephesians 4:30, Romans 6:19).
So Scripture gives stern warnings against sexual immorality because of how it contradicts the identity of believers as God’s holy children. Casual sex fails to honor the sacredness of one’s body and the holiness of God.
Marriage as an Illustration of Christ and the Church
In the New Testament, marriage between a man and woman is framed as a metaphor of the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Marriage illustrates the sacrificial, covenant love Christ demonstrates toward his people and the exclusive devotion he desires.
The fidelity and purity Christ expects from the church should be reflected in believers’ approach to marriage. Sexual intimacy is designed to express the complete and permanent commitment between husband and wife.
Engaging in premarital sex can display a flippant approach to marriage and sex in contradiction to how Scripture frames the sanctity of marriage and its representation of the gospel.
Seeking Forgiveness and Restoration
The Bible offers hope for those who have engaged in premarital sex and are living with guilt, shame, or consequences from it. God is willing and able to forgive sexual sin just as he forgives all sin when it is confessed and repented of (1 John 1:9).
After receiving forgiveness, some steps to take include:
- Pursuing accountability and mentorship from mature Christian leaders
- Seeking counsel from pastors or professional Christian counselors if needed
- Repenting and abstaining from further sexual sin
- Finding healthy community and friendships that encourage sexual purity
- Developing a deeper relationship with Christ through Bible study, prayer, worship
- Waiting patiently on God’s timing for marriage if you are single
- Prayerfully considering confession to family or friends impacted
While premarital sex has consequences, God can still work powerfully through those who repent to transform their lives and relationships for good.
Guidance for Engaged and Newly Married Couples
For engaged or newly married couples who have had sex prior to marriage, hope and wise counsel are offered:
- Confess past sexual sin and seek God’s forgiveness.
- Receive grace from God and don’t bear guilt over what cannot be changed.
- Commit to abstaining from sex until the wedding night.
- Focus on developing non-physical intimacy and friendship.
- Avoid tempting situations like late nights alone together.
- Build spiritual intimacy through prayer, Bible study, and worship.
- Attend pre-marital counseling.
- Consult mature Christian mentors for advice and accountability.
- Shift the focus from physical to comprehensive Christ-centered marriage.
Although premarital sex is a sin, God offers grace. Couples can still honor God in their engagement and marriage by pursuing purity and faithfulness going forward.
Summary of Biblical Teaching
In summary, the consistent Biblical teaching is that God designed sex to be enjoyed solely within the marriage covenant between a husband and wife. Sex outside of those God-ordained boundaries constitutes sexual immorality and is sinful.
Simply having premarital sex does not constitute marriage in God’s eyes. Marriage requires a public covenant commitment. Sex is meant to be the consummation of that prior commitment to lifelong faithfulness and the formation of a new family.
God graciously forgives sexual sin for those who repent. Believers are urged to honor God with their bodies by fleeing from sexual immorality and pursuing sexual purity until marriage.
Couples who have failed to uphold God’s standards in this area can receive grace, forgiveness, and direction through Christ. God’s design for marriage and sexuality is for our good and when followed, results in blessing.
The church must humbly acknowledge where it has failed to provide accountability and teach Biblical truth on sexuality. Thankfully the Spirit empowers believers to pursue sexual holiness and provides grace when they fail.
God’s plan for marriage and sexuality, though counter-cultural, brings protection, freedom and true intimacy when obeyed. As His children, Christians are called to submit every part of their lives – including their sexuality – to the lordship of Jesus Christ.