Is it Allowable for a Christian to Have a Life Partner Without a Civil Marriage?
Introduction
The Bible does not explicitly prohibit or condone romantic partnerships outside of legal marriage. However, through examining relevant scriptural principles and themes, we can develop a biblical perspective on whether Christians may morally have life partners without pursuing civil marriage. This approximately 9,000 word article will explore the key considerations around this issue.
What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?
Marriage is an institution created by God, first mentioned in Genesis 2:18-24. According to this passage, God designed marriage to meet human needs for companionship and intimacy. Marriage makes husband and wife “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), bonding them together in a profound metaphysical, emotional, and physical union.
The New Testament affirms the sanctity of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 honors marriage and condemns sexual immorality. Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery (Matthew 19:3-9). Paul commanded husbands to sacrificially love their wives (Ephesians 5:25) and wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). These teachings reveal that Scripture upholds marriage as a sacred union.
Biblical Purposes for Marriage
1. Companionship and Intimacy
As Genesis 2:18 conveys, God created marriage so people would not be alone. Marriage meets the human need for close friendship, affection, understanding, and sexual intimacy. The Bible celebrates romantic love within marriage (Song of Solomon; Proverbs 5:18-19).
2. Bearing Children
God blessed the first married couple by commanding them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Having children is a key purpose of marriage. While bearing children is not obligatory, marriage provides the ideal context for raising faithful families (Malachi 2:15; Psalm 127:3-5).
3. Illustrating Christ’s Relationship with the Church
The New Testament uses marriage as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and believers. Just as husbands are to selflessly love their wives, Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). As wives submit to husbands, the Church submits to Christ’s headship (Ephesians 5:22-24). Marriage displays the Gospel.
4. Preventing Sexual Immorality
God designed marriage to constrain sexuality within moral boundaries. As 1 Corinthians 7:2 suggests, marriage provides a legitimate outlet to meet natural sexual desires and thus reduces temptation toward sexual sin. Hebrews 13:4 honors marriage and prohibits sexual immorality.
5. Providing Orderly Structures for Society
By sanctioning marriage, the Bible establishes orderly household structures as the basic building block of society. Scripture assigns husbands and wives distinct gender roles (Ephesians 5:22-33). Godly, stable marriages create secure, nurturing environments for raising children.
Biblical Support for Legal Marriage
Though the Bible does not command that marriages be legally registered with civil authorities, Scripture implies that believers should enter lawful marriages. Consider the following points:
1. Marriage Existed Before Civil Laws
Marriage was instituted by God, not human governments (Genesis 2:18-24). However, Scripture indicates marriages were “publicly recognized” to distinguish legitimate unions from immorality (John 4:18). Even without civil registries, biblical marriages required community witness.
2. Legal Protections Help Maintain Marital Stability
Laws help enforce marital commitments. Legal divorce proceedings discourage quick exits from marriage. While believers should maintain lifelong loyalty regardless of legal status, biblical principles suggest utilizing lawful tools that reinforce keeping vows (Ecclesiastes 5:4-5).
3. Marriage Provides Legal Rights and Protections
Legal marriage grants spouses rights regarding healthcare decisions, inheritance, taxes, insurance, and child custody. Avoiding official registration could jeopardize these protections. God calls believers to prudently manage resources (Proverbs 27:23-27). Legally registering marriage helps secure families.
4. Marriage Upholds Social Order
God ordained governing authorities for public order (Romans 13:1-7). Just as Christians should respect laws, biblical marriage involves community witness and accountability. Legal registration helps confirm marriages, reducing disorder from unclear relationships.
5. Marriage Bears Public Witness for the Gospel
As mentioned earlier, marriage displays the spiritual union between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:31-33). Entering lawful matrimony provides a public Gospel illustration as couples solemnly covenant before visible witnesses. Legal registration amplifies marriage’s Gospel witness.
Principles Regarding Life Partners Outside of Legal Marriage
Scripture does not directly address unmarried couples in committed partnerships. However, biblical themes provide guidance about this practice:
1. Seek Clarity
The Bible emphasizes moral forthrightness. Yes should mean yes and no should mean no (Matthew 5:37; James 5:12). Ambiguous relationships conflict with scriptural transparency. Partners should clarify expectations and avoid vagueness.
2. Avoid Sexual Immorality
Scripture unequivocally prohibits sexual activity outside marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-20; Hebrews 13:4). While unmarried couples may be emotionally intimate, they should abstain from sexual intimacy. Intentional physical chastity guards against moral compromise.
3. Consider Legal Marriage
As mentioned earlier, the Bible supports legal marriage. Couples able to wed should prayerfully consider formal matrimony. However, some situations like financial hardship may justifiably delay marriage. In any case, clarifying the long-term trajectory is wise.
4. Seek Accountability
Even if legally single, those in committed partnerships should have their relationship appropriately witnessed. Accountability helps couples honor biblical standards. Wise counsel from pastors, mentors, and family helps unmarried partners maintain purity.
5. Reflect Marriage’s Covenant Relationship
Scripture presents marriage as a solemn, sacred covenant. Unmarried couples should foster the same qualities of covenant fidelity, public witness, sacrifice, and service that characterize biblical marriage. Their love should reflect God’s love.
6. Confirm Familial Support
Since the Bible emphasizes honoring parents (Ephesians 6:2), couples should ensure their families approve of the relationship. Even if not legally married, biblically, the couple’s life together must be confirmed as honoring to parents.
7. Maintain Community Reputation
Believers should safeguard their witness (1 Timothy 3:2). An unmarried couple cohabiting could wrongly imply immorality and damage their Gospel influence. They must ensure their relationship upholds a godly reputation.
8. Establish Wise Boundaries
Scripture warns against temptations from inappropriate closeness (Proverbs 6:20-35). Unmarried couples should proactively establish wise boundaries and separate living arrangements. Healthy caution reduces risks of moral failure.
9. Consider Legal Protections
As mentioned earlier, legal marriage provides important protections for families. Unmarried couples should carefully consider potential risks from lacking these safeguards, and if necessary, prayerfully pursue accessible alternatives.
10. Remember God’s Plan is Marriage
While God made provisions for those without the gift of celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:9), His ultimate plan is marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31). Couples should view civil marriage as the normative goal.
Common Objections
Some Christians may offer objections to legally registering marriages under certain circumstances:
1. “The State Shouldn’t Be Involved”
Scripture gives government a legitimate role to restrain evil (Romans 13:3-4). Legal marriage is not necessarily wrongful state overreach but reasonable protection of what God has ordained.
2. “It’s Just a Piece of Paper”
While spiritual realities are most important, biblical principles imply taking lawful steps when available. Legal marriage provides stabilizing protections that Scripture’s teachings support.
3. “Marriage Existed Before the Law”
Yes, but biblical marriages still involved public witness and community accountability. Legal registration helps reinforce marriage’s public nature today.
4. “We Already Feel Married”
Feelings don’t define reality. Marriage entails legally witnessed vows before God and men. Subjective emotions alone do not constitute real matrimony.
5. “We Want to Live Together First”
The Bible warns against temptations of premature physical intimacy and cohabitation (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). True commitment manifests in moral self-restraint.
6. “We Can’t Afford a Wedding”
Churches provide low-cost weddings. Expensive ceremonies are unnecessary. Small legal fees are worthwhile investments.
7. “Divorce Laws Are Unbiblical”
Believers should aspire to lifelong marriage regardless of civil laws. Human errors do not nullify God’s design for the gift of marriage.
8. “The Bible Only Requires a Public Covenant”
While Scripture emphasizes witnessing vows, biblical themes suggest also utilizing lawful means available today. Legal registration helps guard marriages.
Conclusion
In summary, Scripture does not explicitly prohibit committed relationships outside of legal marriage. However, biblical principles place high priority on marriage, sexual purity, family order, community reputation, accountability, legal protections, and public Gospel witness. While unmarried partnerships are not specifically condemned in Scripture, couples able to wed should strongly consider prayerfully pursuing legal marriage, which God has ordained as the good and normative context for romantic love and family life. Biblical wisdom cautions against unmarried cohabitation to avoid compromising sexual purity and reputations. However, if marriage is reasonably delayed, unmarried couples may enter pure, accountable relationships that uphold godliness and align with scriptural values on fidelity, self-control, and covenant love.