The term “First Lady” is commonly used in many churches today to refer to the wife of the pastor, elder, or bishop. However, the use of this term is not found anywhere in Scripture. The Bible does not ascribe any official leadership title or position to the wives of church leaders. So is it biblical to call her the “First Lady” of the church? Let’s explore what the Bible does say about this topic.
The Role of Wives in the Bible
In Scripture, wives are called to be helpers and supporters of their husbands (Genesis 2:18). They are to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). Their primary ministry is within the home – being keepers at home, loving their husbands and children (Titus 2:4-5). The Bible does not give directives for the wife of an elder or pastor to have an official leadership position within the church. She is to be a model of godliness, modesty, and submission – not seeking attention or position for herself (1 Timothy 3:11).
When considering the question biblically, we find no evidence that the New Testament church ascribed any leadership title, position, or authority to the wife of a pastor, elder, or bishop. The Scriptures are silent on granting special honors or privileges to the wives of church leaders. The only instructions given are for women in general to exhibit godly character, submission, and fulfill their important role in the home.
Examples of Godly Women in the Bible
Throughout Scripture, we see many examples of godly women who supported their husbands in ministry. While playing a vital supportive role, they did not take on official leadership titles for themselves in the church.
Priscilla helped instruct Apollos alongside her husband Aquila (Acts 18:26). She is never singled out as having a church-wide position or title. Phoebe served the church in Cenchrea in a variety of ways, including supporting Paul and delivering his letter to the Romans (Romans 16:1-2). Again, no leadership title was ascribed to her as an individual. Dorcas was known for her charity and good works in the community (Acts 9:36-39), but did not serve in an official church leadership capacity.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, set an example of humility and obedience when she submitted to God’s plan for her life (Luke 1:38). She supported Jesus’ ministry, but did not assume a leadership title for herself in the early church.
These examples of godly women demonstrate that wives can faithfully support their husbands’ ministries without needing or assuming a special position, title, or honor for themselves. They did not demand recognition, but allowed their character and service to speak for itself.
Instructions for Wives of Elders/Pastors/Bishops
The Bible does give specific instructions for the wives of elders and pastors/bishops in 1 Timothy 3:11 and Titus 1:6. The instructions emphasize living a godly, respectable life and having a good reputation. The focus is on inner character qualities, not outward titles or positions. Here are some key verses:
“Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.” (1 Timothy 3:11)
“Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well…Deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not indulging in much wine, not greedy for money, holding the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. And let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach.” (1 Timothy 3:8, 9, 10, 12)
“For a bishop, as God’s steward, must be blameless. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” (Titus 1:7-9)
These passages give instructions for the lives and character of deacons, elders, bishops/pastors. While not explicitly stated, it is implied that their wives must also live according to the same standards – being above reproach, dignified, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, temperate, faithful stewards of God. The emphasis is on living out these godly character qualities, not assuming titles or official positions of authority within the church.
Avoiding Improper Hierarchy and Pride
When church leaders or their wives take on unbiblical titles like “First Lady,” it can imply an improper hierarchy, with the pastor’s family ranked above others in the church. It places the focus on a human authority structure, rather than on Jesus Christ as the head of the church (Colossians 1:18). Such titles can breed pride, rather than cultivating the humility and mutual submission believers are called to (Ephesians 5:21, Philippians 2:3-4).
Also, there are no examples in the New Testament of any church leader assuming an Old Testament priestly title like “High Priest” or special ceremonial garments setting them apart. All believers are part of a royal priesthood under Christ, the High Priest (1 Peter 2:9). The emphasis is on brotherhood and mutual service, not hierarchy.
Upholding Biblical Standards of Modesty and Humility
The biblical approach for a pastor’s wife is to pursue modesty, humility, and service to others – not seeking titles or special treatment. Being a pastor’s wife is not considered a separate office requiring its own status. Whatever she does to serve and build up the body should flow out of her spiritual gifting and abilities, not an official church position. Titles like “First Lady” tend to elevate the pastor’s wife to unwarranted status and set her apart as a distinguished figure of authority.
Yes, the wife of a pastor/elder can be a wonderful example of godliness, hospitality, and diligent service for other women to look up to. But that should come from her Christian character and actions, not an artificial title. Bestowing the pastoral staff’s wives with honorific titles can cultivate the wrong kind of role models – those seeking preeminence and public recognition based on their husband’s position.
The godly wife builds up her husband’s ministry through her example, not her title. She focuses on internal growth in godly character, not external power and position. Biblically, she is on equal footing with all other wives in the congregation, regardless of her husband’s leadership role. Her humble and submissive spirit should strengthen the overall ministry, not undermine it.
Potential Pitfalls of the “First Lady” Title
While many churches who use the “First Lady” title have good intentions to show honor, the term can too easily foster pride and inappropriate identity in God’s eyes. Consider several potential pitfalls:
- Sets up an unbiblical hierarchical structure, with the pastor’s family improperly elevated
- Fosters a preoccupation with attaining titles and positions of notoriety
- Contributes to the pastor’s wife seeing herself as part of the church “leadership team,” blurring biblical gender roles
- Tempts the pastor’s wife to see herself as co-pastor or exert unbiblical influence/control in the church
- Cultivates a culture of idolizing church personalities based on titles/positions
- Distracts from the biblical practice of only recognizing spiritual maturity based on godly character
For these reasons, churches should exercise caution not to go beyond Scripture and allow unwise traditions of men to influence their approach to honoring the wives of their leaders (Colossians 2:8).
Alternative Ways to Honor the Pastor’s Wife Biblically
If a church wants to show care and consideration for the pastor’s wife, there are better ways than conferring an unbiblical title. Here are some suggestions:
- Express appreciation for her hospitality and service as needs arise
- Send words of encouragement and affirmation as she supports her husband
- Offer practical helps like providing meals during busy church seasons
- Bless her with gifts cards for date nights or restaurant meals with her husband
- Share specific examples of how her godly character has impacted people
- Pray faithfully for her in private and public prayer times
- Provide opportunities for godly older women to mentor her as a Titus 2 woman
These kinds of actions can communicate care, respect, and gratitude for the pastor’s wife without elevating her role in an unbiblical way. They emphasize service, humility, and joint effort in God’s kingdom work.
Conclusion – Uphold Biblical Roles and Principles
The “First Lady” title for a pastor or church leader’s wife is an unwise church tradition not supported in Scripture. It tends to inflate her status in an unbiblical way. While pastors’ wives can be wonderful examples of godliness, their biblical role does not include official leadership titles or positions. According to the principles of God’s Word, churches do well to uphold biblical roles for women, focus on inner character more than outward titles, and emphasize serving one another in the body of Christ (Mark 10:42-45).
As believers, we want the Holy Spirit, not tradition, to guide our practices (2 Thessalonians 2:15, Matthew 15:6-9). Churches should exercise discernment to uphold biblical principles on this issue. While intending to honor the contribution of pastors’ families, congregations should be cautious not to go beyond Scripture in how they recognize those contributions. The wise church will aim for its culture and practices to align fully with God’s Word – including how it approaches unofficial titles like “First Lady.”