The Bible does not explicitly state whether it is acceptable for an engaged couple to have sex before marriage if they intend to marry. However, there are some biblical principles that can help guide Christians in making this decision.
First, the Bible clearly teaches that sex outside of marriage is sinful. Passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18 instruct us to flee from sexual immorality. Hebrews 13:4 warns that the marriage bed should be kept pure and undefiled. So according to these verses, any sexual activity outside of the covenant of marriage is not permissible.
However, one might argue that an engaged couple is not exactly “outside” the covenant, since they have committed to be married. This leads to the question – when does the covenant begin? In biblical times, a covenant was sealed at betrothal, not the wedding ceremony. Betrothal involved a binding agreement between the man and woman’s families. It lasted for one year until the marriage was consummated. During this betrothal period, the man and woman were considered legally married, even though they had not yet had the wedding celebration or consummated the marriage.
Based on this, one could argue that sex after betrothal but before the wedding ceremony is permissible, since the couple is already committed for marriage. However, there are a few issues with this view. First, betrothal rituals are not practiced today, so the exact start of the covenant is unclear. Additionally, sex still involves fully giving yourself to another person, which seems inappropriate before making the full marital commitment. As 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” This mutual yielding should only occur within the context of the completed marital covenant.
Another factor to consider is that God’s design for sex includes not just the physical act, but also the emotional and spiritual intimacy that it brings. Sex involves vulnerability and should be grounded in absolute trust, love and commitment. While an engaged couple may be committed to getting married, there may still be a deeper level of vulnerability, openness and bonding that comes through the marriage covenant. Entering into sexual intimacy too soon could hinder that process after the wedding.
Additionally, practical concerns come into play. There is still a possibility, even if small, that the marriage may not actually happen. Sex before marriage causes emotional entanglements that could bring pain if the relationship falls apart. It also sets up couples for comparisons later on, rather than allowing intimacy to grow over time within marriage.
Moreover, waiting until marriage sets a high precedent for faithfulness during marriage. As 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us, our bodies are not our own but have been bought with the price of Christ’s blood. We are called to honor God with how we use our bodies. Honoring our future spouse by waiting for intimacy demonstrates self-control, patience and sacrificial love. Those virtues will enable us to keep the marriage bed pure after the wedding.
In summary, while the Bible does not directly forbid premarital sex between an engaged couple, the theological principles and practical wisdom given in Scripture lead to the conclusion that waiting for marriage is God’s design and plan to protect the marriage covenant. Sex is a gift meant for marriage. Though it may be a struggle, God can provide the strength to wait if we submit our sexuality to His timing and purposes.
Below are some additional bible verses that provide wisdom on honoring God with our bodies and relationships:
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 – For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.
Ephesians 5:3 – But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
2 Timothy 2:22 – So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Proverbs 4:23 – Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Song of Solomon 4:12 – A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
1 Peter 1:13-16 – Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 – Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Hebrews 12:1-2 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.
Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Colossians 3:5 – Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Galatians 5:16-17 – But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit.
Philippians 2:3-4 – Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Ephesians 4:1-3 – I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
1 Peter 4:7-8 – The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Psalm 119:9-11 – How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Proverbs 16:9 – The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Philippians 1:9-11 – And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20 – “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1 – So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved. Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.
In summary, believers who are planning to marry should seek God’s wisdom about physical intimacy as they move toward the wedding. While the specifics are not perfectly laid out in Scripture, God’s Word provides guidance about honoring our future spouse by keeping sex within the marriage covenant. With prayer, accountability and self-control empowered by the Spirit, couples can make wise choices for their relationship. The blessings of obedience, no matter how difficult, far outweigh the fleeting pleasures of sin.