This is a complex question that many people struggle with in their close relationships. On the surface, it may seem contradictory to claim you love someone that you don’t like. However, a deeper look at biblical principles reveals that this dichotomy is possible, though challenging.
First, it’s important to define our terms. When we speak of “love” in this context, we’re referring to the Greek word agape. This is the highest form of love – a selfless, unconditional love that seeks the good of the other person. It’s the kind of love God demonstrates toward us (John 3:16) and the love He calls Christians to show, even toward our enemies (Matthew 5:44).
On the other hand, “like” refers to feelings of affection, approval, or enjoyment of another’s personality and character. It’s more conditional and based on whether we mesh well with someone. We tend to “like” people who are similar, pleasant, interesting, and who treat us well.
The Bible makes it clear that human love is imperfect. Because of our fallen nature, our natural inclination is to love those who love us (Matthew 5:46) and who are lovely to us. But God calls us to a higher love – to follow Christ’s model of loving the unlovely and even those we may dislike.
This type of love goes against our natural preferences. But through the power of the Holy Spirit, God enables Christians to love others unconditionally, based on their need rather than “likeability.” With God’s strength, we can make a decision to seek the good of someone we may not like very much.
That being said, the Bible does not teach that we must always feel affection for everyone. Loving those we dislike does not necessarily mean “liking” everything about them. We see this in some of Jesus’ own relationships.
For example, Jesus demonstrated great love and affection for His disciple John, who was called “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (John 13:23). Yet He still loved His disciple Peter, even when He had to rebuke him strongly (Matthew 16:23). Jesus loved all His disciples deeply and sacrificed Himself for them, yet He likely did not approve of or enjoy every aspect of each one’s personality.
Similarly, the Bible instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). This agape love is not conditioned on whether he naturally likes everything about her. This love is a choice to serve her needs before his own.
Likewise, Christians are called to love fellow believers deeply as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Peter 1:22). We’re to be devoted to one another and honor one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10). Yet we may sometimes dislike another’s conduct or habits.
Paul deals with a case like this in his letter to Philemon. He urges Philemon to welcome back the runaway slave Onesimus as a brother in Christ, not a slave. Paul makes an appeal for grace and forgiveness, even though Onesimus had wronged his master. Philemon likely did not “like” or approve of Onesimus’ actions, but Paul still insisted he must love him unconditionally (Philemon 1:8-21).
So according to Scripture, it’s possible for Christians to love without liking by:
- Loving others through Christ’s power and not our own feelings
- Choosing to seek the good of those we may not like
- Extending forgiveness and grace instead of judgment
- Recognizing our own faults and need for grace
- Focusing on our spiritual kinship in Christ more than personality differences
Practicing this kind of love is extremely challenging. We constantly grapple with feelings of dislike toward those who hurt or offend us. But we are called to rise above these natural inclinations and model Christ-like love.
Of course, there can be reasonable boundaries if people are actively abusive or destructive. We need wisdom to know when relationships may need to change for the protection of ourselves or others. Even so, we must continue to value each person and desire their ultimate good, just as God does.
In summary, with God’s power and perspective, Christians can and must strive to love others unconditionally – even cherishing people we may not like very much. Extending undeserved grace is central to living out Christ’s love. Though feelings lag behind, we can make the choice to act in love – and trust the feelings to follow.
Loving without liking is challenging but beautifully reflects God’s love toward us. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). This selfless love is worth pursuing, by God’s strength, in all our relationships.
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The Bible has much more to say on this topic. Here are some additional key passages to consider:
Loving and forgiving those who wrong us:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:43-44)
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:17-19)
Loving those who are difficult to love:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)
Valuing others as better than yourselves:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10)
Following Jesus’ model of servant-hearted love:
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12-13)
“Have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” (Philippians 2:5-7)
“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (John 13:14-15)
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