The topic of teen dating is controversial among Christians. Some believe that dating should be avoided in the teen years, while others see it as a normal part of growing up. Ultimately, there is no definitive “right” answer that applies to all teens. The Bible does not explicitly prohibit or promote teen dating. Rather, it provides principles for relationships that can guide teens and their parents in evaluating whether dating is wise in their specific circumstances.
Biblical principles related to relationships
When considering teen dating, several biblical principles come into play:
- Avoid sexual immorality – The Bible consistently warns against sexual immorality and urges believers to flee from it (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Teen dating relationships can become intimate and lead to temptation. Christians are called to avoid situations that could compromise sexual purity.
- Exercise self-control – Dating requires maturity and self-control over emotions and desires (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Teens tend to experience strong feelings and impulses that need to be tempered by wisdom and restraint.
- Guard your heart – The Bible advises caution in giving away one’s heart or affections (Proverbs 4:23). Teens should be careful not to rush into intense romantic attachments, which have great potential to cause heartache and distraction from other responsibilities.
- Seek godly counsel – Major life decisions like relationships require guidance, correction and wisdom from God through prayer and input from godly mentors (Proverbs 11:14, 19:20). Teens need accountability from their parents and other mature believers when navigating dating.
- Focus on God first – The most important relationship is one’s walk with Christ. Dating should not detract from that priority (Matthew 6:33). Teen years are critical for building spiritual disciplines and developing passions for God’s Kingdom.
Factors to consider
In evaluating teen dating choices through the lens of biblical principles, the following factors are relevant:
- Maturity level – A teen’s emotional maturity, ability to exercise self-control, and spiritual stability should inform dating decisions. Less mature teenagers may not possess the wisdom needed to date in a God-honoring way.
- Family guidance – While peers heavily influence teens, parents have an essential role in providing boundaries and oversight (Proverbs 1:8). Their perspective should weigh heavily in setting relationship standards.
- Distractions from priorities – Dating demands time and attention. Teens should consider whether romantic attachments could potentially divert focus from school, church, family, and developing their gifts and talents for God’s purposes.
- Long-term goals – Casual dating can be problematic if it leads to premarital physical intimacy. Teen relationships should have intentional courting and marriage-readiness in focus.
- Susceptibility to temptation – Some environments or relationship dynamics may present greater moral temptation for a teen based on their current spiritual state. Avoiding compromising situations is wise.
- Peer influence – A desire to fit in and be in a relationship like one’s friends can be an unhealthy motivator. Teens should base relationship choices on biblical standards, not pressure from peers.
Wise boundaries for dating
Rather than take extreme positions of banning or unrestrainedly permitting dating, many Christian parents find it prudent to set wise boundaries. These may include:
- Requiring group dates or parental supervision in early stages
- Setting curfews and limiting unsupervised time alone
- Encouraging open conversations about relationships without judgment
- Reserving physical intimacy for marriage and maintaining accountability in this area
- Involving teens in purity groups, youth groups, or mentoring relationships for support and wise counsel
- Being aware of teens’ friendships and connections on social media
- Looking for evidence of good self-control, stewardship of time, and spiritual health in a teen before granting more relationship freedom
Setting age minimums for dating or courtship can also be prudent based on factors like maturity and life stage. Some families find dating unhelpful before driving age or high school. Cultural norms and practices should also inform practical boundaries. Above all, parents should aim to shepherd their teens with wisdom, grace and age-appropriate liberty.
Developing discernment
Rather than prescribe rigid rules, Christian parents are encouraged to come alongside their teens and guide them in cultivating biblical discernment about relationships and intimacy. Parents should:
- Have ongoing conversations about biblical standards for love, sex, and marriage.
- Help teens identify character traits that make a God-honoring partner versus superficial attraction.
- Encourage thoughtful reflection about motivations and maturity needed for dating.
- Affirm that identity and worth are found in Christ, not romantic relationships.
- Share wisdom from their dating experiences and relationships.
- Remind teens to seek and trust God’s will about timing of relationships.
The goal is to produce young adults who can exercise Spirit-led discernment about relationships for themselves, not just follow rules. Parents should welcome teen questions and be prepared to thoughtfully discuss all sides of this issue.
Alternative activities
Rather than date, Christian teens can build strong peer connections through activities like:
- Involvement at church – youth group events, mission trips, mentoring programs
- Community service and volunteer work
- Group sports, hobbies and academic clubs
- Creative arts like music groups and theater
- Jobs and career development opportunities
- Family and multi-generational activities
- Platonic friendships in group settings
These allow teens to learn relationship skills and gain self-awareness before dating. Later, they can pursue courtship for marriage more intentionally. Wise parents will guide their teen’s energy into productive and godly outlets during these formative years.
Seeking God’s will
Biblical dating principles apply beyond the teen years to relationships at any age. For Christians, the ultimate purpose of dating or courting is not merely to find a partner, but to seek God’s will regarding life’s most important partnership – marriage. Christians should begin the practice of praying fervently for future spouses and trusting God’s providence in their youth.
God promises to guide those who seek His will (Proverbs 3:5-7) and that He works all things for good for those who love Him as they live out His purpose (Romans 8:28). Though relationships involve mystery and struggle, Christians can trust God to direct the right relationships at the right time if they commit their way to Him (Psalm 37:4-5). Parents should remind and model this humble dependence on God’s wisdom and timing for their teens.
With guidance from Scripture and the Holy Spirit, Christian teens can honor God in their social lives and relationships. While no formula perfectly maps out God’s will for each person, trusting His principles helps build wisdom for life’s journey one step at a time.