This is a common question that many Christians struggle with when sharing their faith or speaking truth into someone’s life. On one hand, we want to show love and grace to others. But on the other hand, the Bible calls us to point out sin and confront it. So how do we balance both?
First, it’s important to understand what sin is. The Bible defines sin as any thought, attitude, action, or inaction that goes against God’s commands and standards. Sin separates us from a holy God (Isaiah 59:2). All people have sinned and fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). Sin is a heart issue that manifests itself in our thoughts, words, and behavior.
Second, the motivation behind confronting sin matters. If we are confronting sin out of a self-righteous, judgmental or condemning spirit, that is unloving. But if we are speaking truth in love out of genuine concern for the spiritual wellbeing of others, that is different. Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” Our words should be seasoned with grace, compassion and humility. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.”
Third, God calls us to graciously warn fellow believers who are caught in sin in hopes of bringing repentance and restoration (Matthew 18:15-20). This is an act of love, though it may be difficult. If we truly love others, we will care about the state of their soul. James 5:20 says, “Whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”
Fourth, when sharing our faith with unbelievers, we must remember they are spiritually blind and lost in sin (2 Corinthians 4:4). Pointing out their need for a Savior is helping open their eyes to their fallen state. It is loving to share the gospel and point to Christ as the only solution to sin. As Romans 10:14 says, “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard?”
Here are some principles for confrontation done in a godly, loving way:
- Pray for wisdom, humility and the right words to say (James 1:5, Matthew 10:16)
- Have an established relationship built on trust and love (Proverbs 27:6)
- Watch your own attitude – be gentle, patient and compassionate (Galatians 6:1, 2 Timothy 2:24-25)
- Speak in private at first, not publicly (Matthew 18:15)
- Confront specific behaviors, not the person’s character or worth
- Focus on repentance and restoration, not punishment or shaming (2 Corinthians 2:5-8)
- Point them to Christ and His grace, not just their sin (John 8:3-11)
- Speak truth from Scripture, not just your own opinions (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
- Pray together if appropriate and offer to walk with them through the process of repentance (James 5:16)
In summary, confronting sin is unloving if we do it from a self-righteous, condemning posture. But when done in humility, gentleness and grace, speaking biblical truth in love can open people’s eyes to their need for a Savior. Our motivation makes all the difference. As 1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
Here are some additional principles from Scripture to keep in mind when confronting sin:
- Make sure you first examine yourself and confess your own sins before confronting someone else (Matthew 7:3-5). Do it humbly realizing you also struggle with sin.
- Confront in a spirit of meekness and patience, not self-righteous anger (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Proverbs 15:1). Your attitude is just as important as your words.
- Remember that only God can change a heart. We can speak truth, but only the Holy Spirit can convict and transform from within (1 Corinthians 3:7).
- Aim to lovingly restore and reconcile, not judge, shame or push away the person (Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1-2).
- Speak to specific behaviors and actions, not attacking the person’s worth or standing before God (Romans 12:3, Ephesians 4:2).
- Balance truth with grace and love. We are all simply fellow sinners saved by grace (John 1:14, John 8:2-11).
- Realize everyone struggles with some sin, so be understanding and patient in the process (Hebrews 4:15, 1 Peter 3:8).
- Trust that God can redeem any situation. He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5, Romans 2:4).
From a practical standpoint, here is one example of how to confront sin in a loving way:
Tom notices his friend Mary has started casually using foul language and crude jokes. Tom is concerned because this seems out of character for Mary, who serves in the children’s ministry at their church. He asks the Lord for wisdom and sets up a lunch with Mary to discuss it privately. During lunch, Tom kindly shares that he’s noticed certain language Mary has been using lately that concerns him. He explains he is bringing this up because he cares about her walk with the Lord. Tom reminds Mary of the Bible’s guidance to avoid unwholesome talk (Ephesians 4:29). He asks Mary openly about what might have prompted the change, and whether she’s been struggling with anything. He assures her they can pray together and offers to help in any way he can. Tom speaks in a spirit of humility, not condemnation, emphasizing that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). Mary is touched by Tom’s kindness and gentle rebuke. She ends up confessing that she has started hanging out with some co-workers who cuss nonstop. Through tears, she thanks Tom for lovingly intervening and promises to avoid that group. Tom offers forgiveness, commits to pray for her, and they reconcile.
In summary, godly confrontation requires much prayer, wisdom, humility, and grace. But if we speak truth in love, we can help redeem hearts and reconcile relationships for God’s glory. The body of Christ is called to “stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24), and at times that may involve gently confronting sin. As we submit ourselves to the truths of Scripture, the Holy Spirit will guide us to navigate these delicate conversations in a Christ-honoring way.
Here are some additional practical tips when confronting sin in a loving way:
- Set the right tone – a calm, humble, caring tone goes a long way in having someone be open to discuss difficult topics.
- Ask good questions – inquire about what may be causing stress or spiritual struggles lately. Listen more than lecture.
- Watch your body language – maintain eye contact, don’t cross your arms, lean in to show engaged listening.
- Suggest specific solutions – have Scripture, resources, accountability partners, or counseling to recommend.
- Highlight your shared identity in Christ – you are both fellow sinners saved by grace, on the same team.
- Offer to pray together – asking God for wisdom and healing together builds intimacy.
- Follow up – continue to encourage them, check in on how they’re doing, be patient with the process.
- Remember reconciliation is the goal – move forward in a spirit of forgiveness and unity.
- Keep it confidential – only involve others if absolutely necessary to facilitate repentance and healing.
- Focus on their value – remind them of God’s unconditional love, highlight their good qualities.
We are all works in progress. Confronting sin is needed at times but must be done delicately, humbly, and in a spirit of patience and grace. The body of Christ is called to have one another’s best interest at heart, which means we don’t turn a blind eye to harmful sin patterns. As James 5:19-20 reminds us, if we lead a fellow Christian back from the error of their ways we save that person from death and cover over a multitude of sins. That is the heart behind any godly rebuke.
Here are some key verses to keep in mind when confronting sin:
- “My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” (James 5:19-20)
- “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)
- “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)
- “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)
- “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
- “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
- “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2)
In closing, confronting sin is unloving if we do it from a place of condemnation, pride, or malice. But when guided by Scripture and done in humility, patience and grace, speaking truth in love can reflect God’s heart and reconcile broken relationships. The body of Christ must hold one another accountable in our walk with Christ. Confrontation is rarely easy and should always be soaked in prayer, compassion and wisdom. But Jesus can redeem these tense conversations for great good if we look to Him as our model of grace and truth.