The tongue is a small part of the body, yet it wields tremendous power. With our words we can build up or tear down, encourage or discourage, speak life or speak death. Scripture has much to say about the power of the tongue and the difficulty of taming it.
James 3:1-12 provides perhaps the most sobering teaching on the tongue. James warns that not many should become teachers, for teachers will incur a stricter judgment. He uses the analogy of bits and bridles with horses, and rudders with ships, to demonstrate how small things can control big things. So also the tongue, though small, boasts great power and can direct the whole course of one’s life. Though horses and ships are large, they can be controlled by small rudders and bits. In the same way, the tongue must be controlled to avoid sin.
James 3:5 states that the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. He compares the tongue to a small spark that can set an entire forest on fire. The tongue is like a world of unrighteousness that stains the whole body. It is set on fire by hell itself, and left unchecked can consume one’s life in destruction. No man can tame the tongue, it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison (James 3:6-8).
With the tongue we both bless the Lord and curse men, who are made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing flow from the same mouth, which reveals an inconsistent and divided heart. No spring pours forth both fresh and bitter water. Trees do not produce both olives and figs. In the same way, the tongue’s inconsistency reveals a deeper heart problem (James 3:9-12).
Jesus had strong words regarding the power of the tongue and the words we speak. In Matthew 12:36-37 He warned that on judgment day, men will give account for every careless word spoken. Our words reflect what overflows from our hearts. Both good people and evil people have hearts, and the mouth speaks what the heart is full of (Luke 6:45).
Scripture does not say the tongue cannot be tamed, only that no man can tame it. With God’s help we can learn to bridle our tongues. But why is this so difficult? Here are some reasons taming the tongue is challenging for all people:
1. Our hearts are sinful and prone to pride.
Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual immorality, thefts, false testimony, and slander (Matthew 15:19). Sin exploits any opportunity to express itself, and our tongues provide many opportunities. Scripture warns repeatedly against pride and arrogance, which also manifest through careless words.
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. It is better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud (Proverbs 16:18-19). When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom (Proverbs 11:2). Pride manifests when we use words to exalt ourselves or tear others down.
2. Our flesh craves control.
Words give us a sense of control. We can manipulate, pressure, intimidate, and dominate others with our words. Scripture often connects the undisciplined tongue to the desire to fulfill fleshly, selfish desires.
You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight (James 4:2). Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice (James 3:16). An undisciplined tongue reveals a heart seeking selfish gain and desiring control.
3. Our enemy the devil wants to destroy us.
Scripture compares the tongue’s deadly power to the venom of a serpent (James 3:8, Psalm 140:3). Jesus said Satan was a murderer and liar from the beginning (John 8:44). The enemy actively works in people’s hearts to sow discord, division, destruction, and death through our words.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens (Ephesians 6:12). As Christians we battle spiritual forces seeking to control our tongues and make us instruments of unrighteousness.
4. Our words often reflect what is in our hearts.
As discussed earlier, Jesus taught that our words reveal what our hearts contain. Our innermost being affects speech. So if our hearts lack spiritual discipline and self-control, our tongues will likely follow suit.
Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life (Proverbs 4:23). For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34). To tame the tongue, we must first look inward and address our hearts.
5. Speaking without thinking comes naturally.
Scripture warns against speaking hastily or thoughtlessly. The mouth of fools spouts folly (Proverbs 15:2). When words abound, sin is unavoidable, so be wise and keep your mouth shut (Proverbs 10:19). Those who guard their mouths preserve their lives (Proverbs 13:3). We all stumble in many ways, and anyone who does not stumble in speech is perfect (James 3:2). Thoughtless and hasty speech comes far too easily for most of us.
6. The world promotes worthless speech.
Scripture instructs us to avoid godless chatter, which only breeds more ungodliness (2 Timothy 2:16). Yet we live amid an atmosphere where gossip, slander, exaggeration, deceit, and dissension bombard us constantly. The undisciplined tongue exploits opportunities for worthless speech.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29). As Christians we must tune our ears to edifying speech and tune out destructive speech.
7. Our flesh craves affirmation.
We all want to be valued and accepted on some level. This can motivate us to impress people with our words. Boasting exaggerates accomplishments to win admiration. Gossip bonds people over shared judgement. Sarcasm puts down others to feel superior. Flattery and manipulation achieve acceptance through deception.
Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving (Ephesians 5:4). Let us use words to sincerely appreciate others, not manipulate them. Refuse to speak empty flattery or impress with fleshly wisdom, but seek to please God alone.
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but are powerful through God for the tearing down of strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:3-4). Though taming the tongue seems impossible, we have spiritual weapons to wage war against the enemy influences driving our speech. What can believers do to harness the tongue’s power and avoid its pitfalls?
1.filling our hearts with God’s truth
We must saturate our inner being with Scripture’s teachings. Meditating on God’s word renews our minds and transforms our hearts. As our thought patterns align more with God’s truth, this will increasingly flow out through our speech.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you (Psalm 119:11). But his delight is in the Lord’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night (Psalm 1:2). As we delight in Scripture, our tongues can be used for righteousness rather than reflecting the world’s patterns.
2. Listening before speaking
Scripture encourages quick listening but slow speaking. When we are quick to listen, we gather information before responding and avoid assumptions that can lead to careless speech. Listening demonstrates respect and self-control.
My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). If one gives an answer before he listens, it is his folly and shame (Proverbs 18:13). Listening helps us know when to speak and how to speak constructively rather than destructively.
3. Thinking before speaking
Rather than reacting impulsively, we can learn to pause and think through what we want to say and why. Is it true? Is it beneficial? Is this the right time? Does this need to be said?
The heart of the righteous person thinks before speaking, but the mouth of the wicked person pours out evil things (Proverbs 15:28). A wise person’s words yield many benefits that only thoughtful speech can achieve. Foolish words eventually harm both speaker and listener.
4. Praying for God’s help
Scripture says no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil (James 3:8). But God can tame it! As we submit our lives to Christ, the Holy Spirit transforms us from within. We can pray continually for grace to control our tongues and use words that give life.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14). Apart from God we cannot control our tongues, but through Christ we can do all things (Philippians 4:13). Let us keep asking for help taming our unruly tongues.
5. Speaking words that build up
We must make the conscious choice to use speech to build up rather than tear down. Affirmation sanctifies and encouragement motivates. Let our tongues be used to steady the weary rather than exasperate matters.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29). Gracious speech heals rather than wounds. Our words can greatly bless others if we use them to build up.
6. Avoiding worthless speech
Scripture cautions us many times against godless chatter, gossip, slander, lies, boasting, and other worthless speech. We should tune our ears away from worthless words and be very sparing in how we participate.
Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly (2 Timothy 2:16). Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths (Ephesians 4:29). Be determined to avoid speech that pulls you and others away from Christ.
7. Speaking more slowly
When we speak more slowly, we naturally choose our words more carefully. Slower speech allows our mind to fully process what we want to say before the words leave our mouths. Speak calmly and thoughtfully rather than reacting hastily.
A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness (Proverbs 14:29). Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). Slow down and let your speech flow from wisdom rather than unchecked emotion.
8. Limiting words to purpose
Scripture warns against excessive speech and speaking words without purpose. While we must warn, teach, encourage, and guide with wisdom, let us be wary of pointless chatter.
When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19). Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (Proverbs 17:28). Keep both quantity and purpose for words in check.
9. Seasoning speech with grace
Our conversations should be full of grace and seasoned with salt. Grace gives the listener room for error and responds gently. Salt adds redemptive flavor that points to the kingdom of God. Let speech always build up rather than tear down.
Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone (Colossians 4:6). Speaking the truth in love, we will grow up into Christ in all things (Ephesians 4:15). Christ-like speech reflects both uncompromising truth and genuine grace.
10. Pursuing unity and peace
Scripture instructs us to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3). Therefore our speech should avoid anything that breeds disunity, discord, division, or needless conflict. Even righteous words can be spoken at the wrong time. Let our guiding goal be to pursue peace and edification between believers.
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14). A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). Seasoned with grace, our words can preserve unity in the body of Christ.
Taming the tongue requires perseverance and God’s strength. But Scripture promises that those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing (Psalm 34:10). Jesus said if we abide in Him and His words abide in us, we can bear much fruit to the glory of God (John 15:5,8). Stay rooted in Christ and His living word. Recklessly speak this word over your heart. What God has tamed He will train, through patience and daily surrender, to bless and not curse.