Confrontation is an unavoidable part of life. At some point, we will all face conflict, disagreement, and tension with others. The Bible has a lot to say about how we should handle confrontation and conflict with wisdom, truth, and love. Here are some key Bible verses about confrontation:
Matthew 18:15-17
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
This passage outlines Jesus’ instructions on confronting a fellow believer who has sinned against you. The goal is restoration. You should first go privately to the person, then with one or two others, and finally bring it before the church if the person refuses to listen and repent.
Matthew 7:1-5
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
This warns against self-righteous confrontation. We should not judge or condemn others if we ourselves are guilty of bigger sins. We should confront our own sins before confronting others.
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
When confronting others, we should do so gently and without provoking more anger. A gentle rebuke can diffuse tension, while harsh words will only escalate the conflict.
Galatians 6:1-2
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Confrontation should aim to restore and carried out gently, not to condemn. We must be humble rather than self-righteous when confronting others.
James 1:19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
When confronting others, we need to listen, be slow to speak out in anger, and control our temper. Righteous confrontation does not come from human anger.
Ephesians 4:15
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.
Speak the truth but do it in love. Confrontation should have the goals of truth and love, not proving yourself right or condemning the other person.
Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
While we cannot avoid all confrontation, we should aim to be peacemakers and restore relationships when possible. Our goal should be reconciliation.
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Foolish and rash words during confrontation only wound others. The wise person speaks in a way that can bring understanding and healing.
1 Timothy 5:1-2
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.
When confronting those older than us, we should do so respectfully as we would toward a parent. And we should treat peers in the faith as family.
2 Timothy 2:24-26
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
As servants of God, we are called to be kind, patient, and gentle even when correcting opponents. Our hope is that God would grant repentance and let the truth set them free.
Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Our words during confrontation should be gracious yet meaningful. We need wisdom to know how to respond to each person.
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Choosing to cover offenses through love rather than stir up strife through hatred is key to biblical confrontation.
Romans 12:17-21
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
This passage instructs us not to repay evil for evil when confronted. Rather than seek vengeance, we can lovingly serve our enemies and overcome evil with good.
Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Keeping your temper under control is crucial to confronting someone biblically and bringing peaceful resolution.
James 4:1-3
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
James traces confrontation and quarrels to selfish desires and passions in the heart. We fight because we want what others have.
Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
It’s wise to diffuse anger and quit a quarrel before it erupts into greater strife and confrontation.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
True godly love seeks the good of others. This attitude is essential during any confrontation within the church.
Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Honest confession of sins is key to resolving conflicts. Admitting fault defuses confrontation.
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Repeated forgiveness is necessary. Even after confrontation, we must be ready to forgive others just as God has forgiven us.
Hebrews 12:14
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
We should actively pursue peace with others, while also pursuing holiness. Both are essential.
Psalm 119:165
Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.
Obedience to God’s Word leads to peace in relationships. Following biblical principles prevents stumbling during confrontation.
Proverbs 3:30
Do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm.
Seeking conflict without cause often escalates into confrontation. We should avoid conflict unless the other person has harmed or sinned against us.
Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Selflessness, humility, and concern for others’ interests defuse confrontation and lead to biblical solutions. We must die to selfishness.
Luke 6:31
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Treating others as we want to be treated, even during confrontation, fosters understanding and healing of relationships.
Colossians 3:12-14
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
With Christlike humility, kindness, patience, and forgiveness, confrontation can result in understanding and unity through God’s love.
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Choosing to overlook minor offenses prevents confrontation and shows wisdom and maturity. Serious sins, however, may need to be addressed.
Romans 14:19
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
When confronting fellow believers, we should aim for peace and edification of the relationship, not winning an argument.
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Divine forgiveness should motivate us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving during any dispute or relational strife we face.
Matthew 7:3-5
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Accusing hypocritically only escalates conflict. We must first address our own sins and faults before confronting anyone else’s.
Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Fools are quick to confront without restraint. The wise hold back, consider, and confront gently and tactfully.
1 Peter 3:8-9
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
As believers, we are called to confront with understanding, love, humility, and blessing – not retaliation or insult. This fulfills our calling as Christians.
Matthew 5:23-24
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Broken relationships should be reconciled before serving God. Confrontation and reconciliation should happen before worship.
Proverbs 26:17
Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.
It is unwise to get involved in other people’s confrontations or quarrels. We risk escalating strife if we meddle.
Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.
Anger is not necessarily sinful, but unchecked anger leads to sin like irrational confrontation. We must seek resolution promptly.
Romans 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
When confrontation seems inevitable, we must still seek to live at peace with others as much as it depends on us.
Proverbs 20:3
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.
While some confrontation is inevitable, only foolish people seek out quarrels. It is honorable to avoid pointless strife.
James 1:19
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.
Being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger leads to peaceful and God-honoring confrontation rather than escalating disputes.
Proverbs 16:28
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Dishonesty often stirs up conflicts that need to be biblically confronted. Gossip also divides relationships that need mending.
Matthew 5:38-42
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
Unlike the world, Jesus commanded us to not retaliate when confronted or wronged. Instead, we should overcome evil with good.
1 Peter 3:15-16
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.
When confronted over our faith, we must defend truth with gentleness and respect, maintaining a good conscience.
So in summary, some key biblical principles for confrontation include:
– Confront privately first, then with others
– Be gentle, humble and loving rather than harsh or rude
– Listen more than speak
– Don’t accuse hypocritically
– Have the goal of restoration and reconciliation
– Don’t repay evil for evil
– Forgive others as God has forgiven you
– Seek peaceable solutions rather than escalating disputes
– Address your own sins before others’
– Speak truthfully but in love
– Leave vengeance to God
Confrontation is messy and challenging. But by God’s grace, the Bible offers wisdom so we can face conflicts in a way that honors Christ and hopefully leads to repentance, justice, understanding, forgiveness and reconciliation.