The concept of a wife as a “help meet” or “helpmate” for her husband comes from Genesis 2:18 in the Bible, which reads: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” The Hebrew word translated here as “helper” is ezer, which implies someone who brings strength, power, and aid. The word “meet” or “fit” means suitable, proper, or matching.
So in summary, God created woman to be a strength, power, and aid who is a proper match and counterpart for man. She is designed to help, assist, support, and complement him. What are some key ways this helpmeet role has been understood?
1. A Helpmeet Helps Complete God’s Mandate for Mankind
In Genesis 1:28, God gives a mandate to mankind (male and female) to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” Woman as a helpmeet helps man fulfill this mandate. Through their union in marriage, they are able to produce offspring and raise up the next generation. Without woman, man would be incomplete and unable to fully carry out God’s mandate for humanity. The helpmeet as a life partner and mother of children aids in subduing and filling the earth.
2. A Helpmeet Helps Meet Her Husband’s Needs
Being a helpmeet involves understanding your husband’s needs and desires and seeking to meet them. This includes physical needs, emotional needs, sexual needs, and spiritual needs. For example, physical help could include assisting with household responsibilities, meal preparation, errands, finances, etc. Emotional help means providing encouragement, a listening ear, advice, comfort, etc. Spiritual help may involve praying for and with him, keeping him accountable in his faith, and so on. Meeting needs in these areas helps strengthen the marriage relationship.
3. A Helpmeet Helps Her Husband Be All God Designed Him to Be
A major aspect of the helpmeet role is to empower your husband to fully walk in his calling, abilities, and passions. You do this by believing in him, inspiring him, cheering him on, freeing him up from burdens when possible, providing input and perspective to help him make wise decisions, and supplying emotional, spiritual, and physical strength. Your help and encouragement enable him to thrive and live out his full potential as a man.
4. A Helpmeet Supports, Respects, and Submits to Her Husband’s Leadership
Ephesians 5:22-24 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. As a helpmeet, a wife learns to defer to her husband’s authority and judgment in the marriage. Rather than constantly competing or contradicting, she chooses trust. This doesn’t mean blind obedience if he is sinning or leading poorly. But it does mean respecting God’s design for her husband to be the head and leader of their family. Supplying support, respect, and loving deference to her husband’s leadership enables him to steer their partnership effectively.
5. A Helpmeet Strives to Be a Suitable Partner for Her Husband
Genesis speaks of Eve being a “fit” or suitable partner for Adam. The goal was a helpful counterpart, not identical to man but uniquely matched to him. A helpmeet wife aims to develop attributes that make her a wise teammate for her husband, given his unique personality, strengths, and weaknesses. She seeks to blend her qualities with his in a complementary way. This unity in diversity makes them better together than either would be alone.
6. A Helpmeet Uses Her Gifts to Strengthen Her Home
While a husband provides spiritual covering and overall direction for the home, a helpmeet wife is tasked with helping build up their family. She may have primary day-to-day responsibility for managing the home. This allows her to use her gifts of hospitality, nurture, organization, teaching, and service to create a warm, orderly, God-honoring atmosphere. Shoring up the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of her family also enables her husband to function at his best.
7. A Helpmeet Seeks the Betterment of Her Husband
The helpmeet role is other-focused. This means a wife asks herself, “How can I help my husband succeed in being all God has called Him to be?” Rather than being fixed on herself, she looks out for her husband’s good. She prioritizes his needs and desires. Her motivation is to be a life-giving source of strength, aid, and blessing to him, empowering him to thrive. This illustrates the selfless agape love all Christians are called to show.
8. A Helpmeet Guards Her Marriage and Family
Part of the helpmeet’s role is to protect her marriage and family. This means setting wise boundaries with others to keep toxic or unwholesome influences out of her home. It also means using discretion regarding marital struggles rather than speaking negatively about her husband to others. She handles family issues with maturity, grace, discretion, and with a commitment to keep unity. Her goal is safeguarding the integrity of her most vital human relationship.
9. A Helpmeet Seeks to Reflect Christ’s Relationship with the Church
The Bible compares a wife’s helping, submitting, and respecting her husband to the Church’s relationship to Christ (Eph 5:22-33). As Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church, wives are called to serve their husbands sacrificially. As the Church submits to Christ as head, wives submit to their husbands. The helpmeet models Christ by providing gracious strength, support, and service to her husband.
10. A Helpmeet Cultivates a Gentle, Peaceful Spirit
While a helpmeet is strong in her supportive capacities, she also models femininity, grace, and nurture. Her strength is coupled with gentleness, patience, compassion, and deep love. 1 Peter 3:1-6 encourages wives to let their adorning be “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” This spirit of quiet trust and rest in her relationship with the Lord and her husband enables her to fulfill her helpmeet role.
In summary, the helpmeet role is a high calling of empowering support, partnership, and service. It involves embracing God’s design for marriage, in which the wife provides vital complementary strength and help to enable her husband and family to thrive. Approach this role with prayerful reverence, relying on the Holy Spirit to be the help your husband needs. Focus on Christ and seek to glorify God in all you do as a wife. In this way, you’ll be a true help meet.