The Bible has a great deal to say about how husbands are called to love their wives. This profound and sacrificial love reflects Christ’s love for the church and forms the foundation for a God-honoring marriage.
The most direct biblical command for husbands to love their wives comes from Ephesians 5:25, which states, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This sets an extraordinarily high standard for a husband’s love. A husband is called to love his wife with the same kind of sacrificial, servant-hearted love that Christ demonstrated through his life, death, and resurrection.
This Agape love is not based on emotions but rather an act of the will. It is a conscious commitment to put one’s wife before oneself and to serve her needs ahead of one’s own. It requires initiative, intentionality, and wisdom to understand one’s wife and actively meet her needs – whether relational, spiritual, emotional or physical. As Christ left his throne in glory to serve the church, so a husband leaves his comforts to serve his wife.
Such love requires sacrifice. A husband must lay down personal interests at times and invest time, energy and effort into nurturing the marriage relationship. This can mean simple acts of service to ease burdens on his wife or grand gestures of romance to deepen intimacy. It means providing spiritual support through prayer, scripture reading and words of encouragement. It requires emotional availability and pursing understanding of his wife’s needs, fears, hopes and dreams in order to support her well.
This love also entails protection. A husband should create a haven of safety and care for his wife, whether that is physical protection, fidelity in the marriage, or efforts to reduce stress and anxiety for her. He watches out for pitfalls or threats to the marriage and family life. He uses wisdom when serving as “head” not to control his wife, but to take initiative in nurturing the health of the relationship.
Importantly, this biblical love requires sacrifice of a husband’s own desires. Philippians 2:3-4 exhorts spouses to consider others better than themselves and look to their interests first. A husband is called to crucify self-centeredness and humbly serve his wife, whether or not she is responding lovingly in return. His love is unconditional, modeled after God’s enduring love for His people.
This kind of biblical love transforms marriages. Wives feel cherished and secure. Intimacy can safely grow. When both spouses follow Ephesians 5’s charge – for husbands to sacrificially love and wives to respectfully submit – marriages reflect the beautiful mystery of Christ and the church.
Biblical Examples of Loving Husbands
In addition to commands on how to love, the Bible provides powerful examples of godly husbands who genuinely loved their wives. Their lives demonstrate key principles at work.
Isaac loved Rebekah deeply
Isaac maintained unwavering commitment to his wife Rebekah throughout their lives (Genesis 24:67). He loved her deeply from the start, took her into his late mother Sarah’s tent, and was comforted by her. Decades later during a famine, he stayed by her side when he could have abandoned her (Genesis 26:3-5). Isaac protected Rebekah, even when she wronged him by helping their son Jacob deceive Isaac for blessing. Isaac’s steadfast love sheltered Rebekah throughout their lives.
Jacob worked seven years for Rachel
Jacob so loved Rachel that he committed to work seven years as a servant in order to marry her (Genesis 29:18-20). This demanding, lengthy labor illustrates costly sacrifice and patience in order to marry his beloved bride. Jacob’s love was so deep that the seven years “seemed to him but a few days” (Genesis 29:20). Though Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah first, he worked another seven years to secure Rachel as his wife too. His love compelled him to labor fourteen years to win his true love.
Elkanah favored Hannah though she was barren
Elkanah had two wives – Peninnah, who bore children, and Hannah, who was barren (1 Samuel 1:1-2). In Old Testament culture where procreation was highly valued, Hannah bore shame for not producing an heir. Yet Elkanah favored her and gave a double portion of meat at sacrificial feasts, because he loved her deeply despite societal pressures and norms (1 Samuel 1:4-5). Elkanah’s special care for Hannah in the midst of trial displays selfless, compassionate love.
Hosea modeled unfailing love and redemption
The prophet Hosea exemplified remarkable commitment to his unfaithful wife Gomer, who left him and became enslaved (Hosea 1-3). God commanded Hosea to pursue her and redeem her from captivity as an illustration of His own relentless, redeeming love for Israel. Hosea obediently paid a price to recover her and restored relationship. His forgiveness and tender compassion toward her in spite of infidelity modeled God’s redeeming love, as well as a husband’s persevering love for his wife.
These examples of biblical husbands reveal key facets of loving well – sacrifice, service, protection, forgiveness, patience, compassion and redemption. They set a high standard for husbands of all generations.
Ways Husbands Should Love Their Wives
Practically speaking, how can today’s husbands live out this kind of strong, Christ-like love? Here are some key principles.
Make her needs and desires a priority
A husband should actively seek to understand his wife’s emotional, physical, sexual, financial and spiritual needs. He should listen without defensiveness. Then he can proactively look for ways – both large and small – to meet those needs and desires with care and sacrifice.
Pursue and protect intimacy
A husband should prioritize nurturing intimacy with his wife through affection, open communication, quality time and sexual faithfulness. Emotional and physical intimacy reinforces oneness. Pursuing intimate friendship and passion protects a marriage from drift and infidelity. Setting aside regular one-on-one time is essential.
Provide emotional support
A husband should pay attention to his wife’s disposition and burdens. He can provide an empathetic listening ear when she needs to process a stressful day or difficult emotions. He can gently help soothe anxiety, sadness, anger and fears by his reassuring presence. Offering comfort through scripture, prayer and words of faith can provide calming refuge.
Bear burdens for her
A husband can demonstrate love by lightening his wife’s load – physically, spiritually and emotionally. He may take on certain chores, handle bills and appointments or deal with relational tensions she finds wearing. He bears burdens for her by providing for material needs, making sacrifices so she can flourish, and absorbing pressures that weigh on her.
Appreciate and honor her
A husband should speak words of appreciation, praise and gratitude to his wife regularly. He takes opportunities to highlight her hard work and celebrate her accomplishments. Publicly honoring her virtue and gifts speaks volumes (Proverbs 31:10-31). Underestimating her needs for respect and affirmation poisons intimacy; recognizing her properly fuels love.
Lead with wisdom, not control
As “head” in Ephesians 5, a husband is charged to exercise humble, servant leadership that builds up his wife. He embraces responsible decision-making after hearing his wife’s perspective. A husband leads best when he equips his wife to flourish by serving her development. Exerting arrogant control destroys trust; providing wise oversight creates security.
Make her sanctification a priority
A godly husband plays a key role in his wife’s spiritual growth by modeling biblical manhood, challenging her lovingly and praying for her. He ensures nothing he does becomes a stumbling block to her holiness. He offers counsel from scripture, sets up structures to promote righteous habits, and pursues accountability for both. Spurring each other toward Christ-likeness is central.
Living out such biblical, sacrificial love blesses marriages tremendously. While no husband loves perfectly like Christ, striving to reflect Him sanctifies relationships. Bathed in unselfish agape love, wives gain security to open up and invest deeply in marriage. Both journeys are enriched and the marriage bed is kept undefiled (Hebrews 13:4).
Theologians on Husbands Loving Wives
Christian theologians through the ages have offered additional insight into a husband’s call to love his wife. Their reflections center around reflecting Christ’s nature through sacrificial service, spiritual leadership and provision.
John Chrysostom – Reflect Christ’s care
Chrysostom wrote extensively on marriage in the 4th century. He exhorted husbands to follow Christ’s model: “Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself; for no man ever hated his own flesh…So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Chrysostom emphasized that husbands must care intimately for their wives emotionally and physically just as they do their own bodies.
Martin Luther – Serve with Christ’s humility
Luther, the father of the Reformation, preached that husbands should mirror Christ by serving their wives sacrificially: “When the husband goes ahead with his love and fulfills the duties of his office…the wife will give love and reverence in return…The husband who loves his wife is laying down his life for her.” A husband leads a wife not by domineering, but by loving support and humble care, just as Jesus leads the church.
John Calvin – Provide as Christ gives abundance
Calvin, another key Reformer, wrote that husbands should imitate how Christ spiritually nourishes the church by supplying for their wives: “Let the husband…show himself to his wife just as Christ does to His Church; and let him conduct himself in such a manner as to provide for her, protect her and devote attention to her..he must supply whatever his wife needs.” Calvin taught husbands to cover material and spiritual needs as Christ provides abundance for believers.
Theologians like Chrysostom, Luther and Calvin devoted significant attention to these principles because they are essential building blocks for God-glorifying marriages. Their emphasis on reflecting Jesus’ care unlocks marriage’s potential.
Benefits of Husbands Loving Their Wives
Scripture and theologians make clear that godly love of a husband is vital. This kind of love produces beautiful fruit in marriages and families when lived out consistently. It is costly and requires dying to self, but richly blesses spouses and children.
Wives feel cherished and secure
When a wife daily receives the message through her husband’s actions that she is loved, respected and cherished, she feels safe on every level. Her inner person is reassured. When she knows her husband will sacrifice for her good, she trusts him emotionally and practically. Her husband’s love is a harbor of refuge.
Unity and intimacy deepen
The love, care and sacrifice of a husband melts away barriers between spouses, enabling intimacy to blossom. As love abounds, the two live unified – willing to be vulnerable, generous and open. They share physical and emotional intimacy freely, boldly and joyfully in marriage when love reigns.
Wives respect and respond to leadership
When a husband loves his wife sacrificially, she naturally respects him and responds positively to his servant leadership. Her objections fade in light of his proven care. His initiative to shoulder burdens for her elicits her support. Her trust in him grows as he loves her like Christ loves the church.
Marriages reflect the gospel
A husband’s Christ-like, servant love pictures the gospel beautifully, revealing spiritual truths through the marriage relationship. As husbands sacrifice themselves for wives and wives honor husbands with trust and submission, the mystery of the gospel displays itself. Such marriages point powerfully to redemptive spiritual realities.
In these ways and more, husbands loving wives as Scripture commands ushers in a small foretaste of eternity. Marriage thrives in the glow of gospel truth. When the extraordinary duty seems impossible to fulfill, God’s grace empowers husbands to love well – for their good and His glory.
Common Roadblocks to Loving Well
Genuine biblical love often gets short-circuited by common roadblocks husbands encounter. Being aware of these pitfalls is the first step toward avoiding them.
Selfish attitudes
When husbands center their identity on personal wants, desires and emotions, they struggle to love their wives selflessly. Self-focus destroys servant love. Husbands must crucify selfish attitudes and center their identity in Christ (Luke 9:23).
Passivity
Many husbands fall into passivity, failing to actively pursue knowledge of their wife’s needs or take initiative to sacrificially meet them. Passive detachment leaves wives feeling unloved. Be engaged, observant and proactive.
Laziness
Loving well involves great effort and focus, which lazy habits undermine. Biblical love requires husband to fight sinful tendencies toward apathy, irresponsibility and temperamental passivity that breed neglect of their wife’s needs.
Misuse of headship
Some husbands distort the biblical call to headship, using it as an excuse to control their wife through authoritarian demands. But Christ-like headship requires sacrificial service, not overbearing control. Lead with humility.
Pornography and lust
When a husband’s eyes and thoughts stray through pornography use, attraction for his wife fades. Unrealistic fantasy expectations cannot produce real intimacy. Guard faithfulness in mind and body.
By God’s power, husbands can mature in learning to love their wives as Scripture commands. The effort brings profound reward.
Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husband’s Loving Leadership
While the duty rests on husbands’ shoulders, wives can encourage their husband’s biblical leadership through:
Prayer
Praying regularly for God to soften her husband’s heart, increase his faith and empower consistent love. Prayer changes hearts.
Respect and affirmation
Offering sincere verbal appreciation when noticing effort and expressions of care from her husband. Affirmation motivates.
Participation in spiritual growth
Engaging side-by-side with her husband in prayer, scripture reading and other spiritual disciplines. Couples grow together.
Grace and forgiveness
Extending grace when her husband fails and being quick to forgive when he wrongs her. Grace humbles and heals.
Partnership
Coming alongside to lighten burdens and actively contribute to decision-making. Teamwork eases load.
As wives encourage the love mandated for their husbands, they fuel the fire of close marriage relationships that honor God and last a lifetime.
Husbands Must Rely on God’s Strength
No husband will love his wife flawlessly like Jesus loved the church. Thankfully Scripture provides admonitions that help husbands evaluate their love and strive for maturity. Peter exhorted husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way and honor them as fellow heirs of grace (1 Peter 3:7). Paul charged husbands to love their wives as their own bodies and not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19). And Solomon praised the husband who lives joyfully with his wife (Proverbs 5:18).
Yet even as godly husbands aspire and employ best efforts to love well, they will fall short. Thus husbands must walk humbly before God, repenting of failures and relying completely on His forgiveness and the Spirit’s power to renew them. The same gospel that teaches them Christ-like love also empowers that love. As husbands lean wholly on divine strength, they will grow in loving their wives well—and reap the eternal rewards.