The verse Ephesians 4:2 instructs believers to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” This verse teaches an important principle for Christian relationships – that we should bear with one another in love. But what exactly does it mean to “bear with” others?
The Greek word translated “bearing with” is anechomai. It means to hold up under trials and difficulties, to endure or tolerate. In the context of Ephesians 4, it refers to putting up with the flaws, faults, and offenses of others. All of us are imperfect people. We will do things that irritate or hurt others, often without realizing it. There will be disagreements and conflicts. As Christians, we are called to handle these issues with patience and love rather than anger and resentment.
Bearing with one another requires humility. We have to recognize that we too have faults that others must bear. It also requires gentleness – not responding harshly but showing understanding. And it requires love – choosing to act in the other person’s best interest even when annoyed or offended by them. This kind of patient love reflects the character of God, who bears with us even when we sin and rebel against Him (Romans 2:4).
Here are some ways we can apply the principle of bearing with one another in love:
- Be quick to forgive minor offenses and do not keep bringing them up again and again.
- Make allowances for others’ personalities and quirks – do not expect them to behave and think exactly like you.
- Refrain from angry outbursts; respond gently even when someone provokes you.
- Give others the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming the worst.
- Listen attentively to others even when you disagree with their opinions.
- Offer sincere apologies when you wrong someone unintentionally.
- Patiently answer honest questions about your faith even when asked the tenth time.
- Show grace when others fall short rather than delighting in pointing out their failures.
- Pray for and look for ways to encourage those who seem difficult to love.
Bearing with one another requires regular self-examination of our own attitudes and actions. We should ask ourselves questions like:
- Do I tend to be impatient and easily irritated with this person?
- Am I holding a grudge toward them for past incidents?
- Have I truly forgiven them or am I still keeping record of their wrongs?
- Am I failing to show empathy and see things from their perspective?
- Do I quickly judge and criticize them without considering my own faults?
- Am I bearing with them the way I would want to be borne with?
Bearing with others is not easy. It goes against our natural tendencies to insist on our own way and to focus on others’ flaws. We must rely on God’s strength to enable us to endure patiently and respond with love. But it is essential for maintaining unity and peace within the body of Christ. As Peter says, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). As we bear with one another, we reflect God’s patient and forgiving love.
Common challenges to bearing with one another
While bearing with one another is a biblical principle for relationships, it is often very challenging to live out in practice. Here are some of the common difficulties that can hinder us from bearing with others:
Pride
Our own pride makes it hard to bear with others’ faults. Pride says things like “How dare they treat me that way? Don’t they know who I am?” It insists on our own way and refuses to bend. To truly bear with others requires humility – a willingness to release our demand to be right all the time or get what we think we deserve. We have to lower ourselves and choose what is best for the relationship, not our ego (Philippians 2:3-4).
Judgmental attitudes
It’s easy to be overly harsh and critical in assessing others’ faults and failings. But God calls us to be patient and gentle, not judgmental, towards one another (Galatians 6:1-2). We need to offer the same grace we want to receive. A judgmental attitude poisons relationships and provokes arguments rather than bearing with others.
Selfishness
When we are focused on ourselves – our desires, needs, and preferences – it is very hard to patiently bear with people who disrupt our plans. But Philippians 2:3-4 tells us not to act out of selfish ambition. To bear with others requires putting their interests before our own convenience and comfort.
Unforgiveness
Holding on to grudges and grievances toward others makes it impossible to bear with them in love. Forgiveness isn’t easy, especially when wounds run deep. But Jesus insists we forgive others just as God forgives us (Matthew 6:14-15). Letting go of bitterness makes space for patience and love.
Anger issues
Some people struggle with anger management and find it very difficult to control their temper when annoyed or offended. Losing your temper and blowing up at people obviously goes against bearing with others in love. This is an area where professional help or mentoring may be needed to overcome.
The solution to all these challenges is growth in godly character through the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. As we walk closely with God, our pride, judgmental attitudes, selfishness, unforgiveness and anger problems can all be transformed and brought under the Spirit’s control.
How bearing with one another reflects the character of God
The Bible often uses the language of “bearing with” to describe God’s patience and longsuffering with human sin and rebellion. Some key passages that illustrate this include:
Exodus 34:6
God describes Himself to Moses as “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.” Even though Israel repeatedly grumbled against God after their exodus from Egypt, the Lord continued to bear with them and provide for them.
Nehemiah 9:16-17
The Levites’ prayer recounts how God’s people acted presumptuously and refused to obey God’s commands. “But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” In spite of their rebellion, God bore with them and continued to provide food and water.
Psalm 78:38-39
This psalm declares that when God’s people turned away and sinned again and again, “He, being compassionate, atoned for their iniquity and did not destroy them; he restrained his anger often and did not stir up all his wrath. He remembered that they were but flesh.”
Romans 2:4
Paul reminds us that it is God’s kindness and patience that leads us to repentance. God bears with us even when we are living in disobedience to Him.
Romans 9:22
This verse speaks of objects of God’s wrath, “vessels of wrath prepared for destruction.” Yet God bore with them with great patience in order to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of mercy.
As these passages demonstrate, God has shown tremendous longsuffering and patience toward us. He has borne with our weaknesses, failures, and intentional sins time and time again. When we bear with one another, we are imitating the character of our patient, merciful Father.
How Jesus modeled bearing with others
Jesus Christ, as the Son of God, provides the greatest example of what it means to bear with others. Although completely without sin Himself, Jesus was patient and loving with weak and failing people. Here are some examples:
Jesus bore with His disciples’ foolishness and lack of faith:
– When the disciples failed to cast out a demon, Jesus bore with their “faithless generation” and taught them again (Mark 9:19).
– When the disciples totally misunderstood His teaching and parables, Jesus bore with their ignorance and continued to instruct them (Mark 9:32).
– When Peter boldly insisted he would never abandon Jesus and then denied knowing Him three times, Jesus restored and recommissioned Him (John 21).
Jesus bore with the crowds when they needed rest:
In Mark 6:30-44, though Jesus sought to rest with His disciples, the crowds followed them. Rather than become irritated, Jesus bore with them, taught them, and miraculously fed the 5000.
Jesus bore with the interruptions of children:
When the disciples rebuked people for bringing their children to see Jesus, He was “greatly displeased” and invited the children to come to Him (Mark 10:13-16). Jesus bore with the interruptions and made time for the children.
Jesus bore with the arrogant Pharisees:
– In Luke 11:37-54, a Pharisee invited Jesus to dinner but then judged Him for not washing before eating. Jesus bore this arrogance and pronounced woes on the Pharisees for their hypocrisy and lack of justice.
– Throughout Jesus’ ministry the Pharisees tested and challenged Him about the Sabbath, healing, and other issues. But He continued to answer them even in the face of hostility.
Considering how Jesus, who was without sin, bore with and endured difficulties from others helps us see that we too should demonstrate such patience and love.
Biblical examples of bearing with one another
In addition to the example of Christ, Scripture gives us other positive examples of what it means to bear with one another in love:
Moses bore with the complaining of Israel:
– In Exodus 15, the people grumbled against Moses because of bitter water. He cried out to the Lord on their behalf.
– In Exodus 16, Israel complained about lack of food. God provided manna and quail, and Moses instructed the people to only take what they needed.
– Throughout their desert wanderings, Moses bore with their frequent outbreaks of grumbling. His patience pointed them to God’s provision.
The early Jerusalem church bore with distribution conflicts:
– As described in Acts 6:1-7, a dispute arose about distribution of food to Greek and Hebrew widows.
– The apostles bore with this conflict and developed a solution rather than condemning those involved on either side.
Paul bore with the threat of false teaching:
– In Philippians 1:15-18, Paul describes those preaching Christ out of envy and rivalry.
– But he bore with such difficulties and rejoiced that Christ was still being proclaimed.
These examples demonstrate patience and love even in difficult situations of conflict and hardship. They provide models for us to follow of bearing with one another.
Bearing with one another in the local church and community
The instruction to bear with one another has particular application to relationships within the local church. Here are some ways this principle enables the body of Christ to live in harmony and unity:
Be patient with new believers
New Christians have much to learn and need time to grow in understanding and spiritual maturity. We should gently teach and correct without crushing their faith. Members who have walked with God for years should bear with the flaws and foibles of those just beginning.
Edify those weaker in faith
Those struggling with doubts or troubling issues need encouragers who will bear with them. Don’t condemn their lack of faith but support them so that they are built up, not torn down (Romans 14:1).
Bear one another’s burdens
When others are facing trials, come alongside to help carry the load even when it is inconvenient. Don’t add to their trouble by being impatient (Galatians 6:2).
Speak the truth in love
When someone needs correction, do it with great patience and care. The goal should be restoration, not harm (Ephesians 4:15).
Forgive grievances
Let go of bitterness or revenge when wronged. Bearing a grudge divides the church. Extend the forgiveness God has shown you (Colossians 3:13).
In this way bearing with one another enables unity that brings honor to Christ and draws others to Him. Practicing this virtue requires commitment, humility, and looking to God for strength to love others as He has loved us.
The blessing of learning to bear with one another
Although bearing with one another is difficult and goes against human nature, God promises it will bless our relationships when we make the effort to live out this virtue empowered by His Spirit. Here are some of the fruits we can expect when we choose to bear with others in love:
Unity and harmony will increase
As each person demonstrates patience and gives others the benefit of the doubt, friction and divisions will decrease. Petty offenses and irritations will no longer escalate into major conflicts.
Relationships will deepen
As we make allowances for each other instead of insisting on our own way, intimacy and care will grow. We will better understand and support each other through all seasons of life.
The body of Christ will be strengthened
Bearing one another’s burdens lightens the load for everyone. The church will become a source of comfort and refuge where people find grace and help in their weaknesses.
Our witness will shine brighter
When Christians demonstrate extraordinary patience and forgiveness, the world takes notice. It becomes evident that God’s love flowing through us makes the difference.
We will experience joy
Laying aside pride and selfishness frees us to live in the contentment of unbroken fellowship, grateful for each other. Complaining is replaced with rejoicing.
Learning to bear with one another requires work and commitment. At times we will fail and have to seek each other’s forgiveness. But the harvest of righteousness and joy is well worth the effort. Our relationships are transformed as we reflect God’s patience and kindness to one another.