The concept of a husband and wife becoming “one flesh” originates from the Bible and is an important part of the theology of Christian marriage. At its core, it speaks to the profound unity and intimacy that God intends for married couples.
Biblical Basis
The Bible first introduces the concept of one flesh in Genesis 2:24 (ESV): “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This verse describes God’s original purpose for marriage – that a husband and wife are joined together and united as a new family unit.
The one flesh concept is reiterated by Jesus in the New Testament. In Matthew 19:4-6 (ESV), Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24 and affirms God’s intention for marital union: “He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
The apostle Paul also quotes Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5:31 (ESV) and develops the one flesh concept further: “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Paul indicates that human marriage is a reflection of the spiritual union between Christ and the church. The oneness shared between husband and wife mirrors the oneness between Jesus Christ and his people.
Spiritual Unity
At the core of becoming one flesh is profound spiritual and emotional intimacy in marriage. When two people join their lives together in matrimony, they are bonded together in their innermost being.
This unity encompasses more than just physical intimacy. It involves openness, vulnerability, sacrifice, sharing of hearts and lives. Husband and wife are no longer two separate entities but have become integrated in mind, body, and spirit. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 (ESV) says, “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken”. In marriage, the husband and wife are intertwined together with God at the center.
This spiritual union is exclusive to marriage. It develops over a lifetime as husband and wife grow closer to one another and to God. Oneness involves reconciling differences, seeking to understand, to comfort, and to nurture. It means confessing sins, extending forgiveness, and loving unconditionally. Two imperfect people become one under the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit.
Physical Intimacy
Becoming one flesh also has a physical component. In the act of sexual union, husband and wife consummate their marriage and become physically bonded. The two literally become “one flesh”.
Sexual intimacy is a uniquely profound experience that God intended only for the marriage relationship. It unites man and woman in a way that transcends the merely physical. Through sex, husband and wife give themselves completely to one another, naked and unashamed. They provide pleasure and comfort to one another. The euphoria of intercourse can enhance their emotional and spiritual bond.
God blessed the marriage bed by declaring it holy and good (Hebrews 13:4). When kept within biblical parameters, sex is beautiful gift for married couples to steward and enjoy.
Mutual Submission
To reflect the unity of being one flesh, husbands and wives must submit to one another. While the Bible calls for wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24), it also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-30). Like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, husbands and wives mutually yield to and serve one another.
Submission does not imply that wives are inferior or less valuable than husbands. Rather, it is an act of love and respect. Husbands also sacrifice their own interests to care tenderly for their wives. Mutual submission in marriage requires humility, selflessness, and commitment from both partners.
Sharing All of Life
Becoming one flesh leads to sharing all aspects of life together. Husband and wife are joined legally, financially, socially, emotionally, and physically. While still maintaining their individual identities, the two fates become inextricably intertwined.
This sharing encompasses big decisions like buying a house, moving across the country for a new job, or having children. It also includes daily habits and routines – chores, budgets, social calendars, hobbies, friend groups, and family relationships. Sharing a life together also means supporting each other through ups and downs – illnesses, job changes, deaths in the family.
Two unique individuals bond together to walk through life as one. This journey fosters deep fulfillment, growth, and intimacy. In short, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Marriage was created so that husband and wife could share the triumphs and trials of life as cherished partners.
Covenant Faithfulness
Marriage is a covenant relationship sealed before God (Malachi 2:14). Husband and wife pledge their devotion and faithfulness to this covenant. The commitment to exclusivity with one’s spouse is foundational to the one flesh bond.
Jesus emphasized the permanence of the marriage covenant by saying, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). God’s intention is for married couples to remain united working through difficulties rather than divorcing.
Staying faithful to one’s marriage covenant protects the oneness that God desires couples to maintain. Infidelity is a serious betrayal that inflicts deep wounds. But through repentance, forgiveness, counseling, and God’s grace, some marriages manage to heal even after adultery.
Reflecting Christ’s Love
The Bible describes marriage as a living illustration of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his people. Earthly marriage is meant to point to the perfect, eternal union that exists between Christ and his church.
Husbands are called to sacrificially love and serve their brides, just as Christ gave himself up to redeem his people (Ephesians 5:25). Wives are encouraged to reverently submit to their husbands, mirroring the respect and devotion the church offers to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). And the oneness shared as man and wife reflects the unity of Christ and his bride, the church.
By striving to fulfill their biblical roles and selflessly loving one another, husbands and wives can reflect the glory of Christ’s love for humanity. Their “one flesh” union echoes the mystery of the gospel on a human level.
Pursuing Holiness Together
Despite God’s high calling for marriage, no husband and wife will perfectly live out biblical one flesh unity this side of heaven. Becoming one flesh is a process that requires constant nurturing.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, couples must actively grow together in faith, wisdom, and love. They will need to extend extra grace during times when they fail to understand each other fully. Oneness is cultivated by regularly praying together, reading scripture, repenting of sin, and seeking counsel from godly mentors.
By mutually submitting to the lordship of Jesus, husbands and wives can increasingly embrace their one flesh identity. Their union can become an inspiring portrait of God’s unconditional love.
Conclusion
The biblical vision of one flesh encompasses a multi-faceted relationship – spiritual, emotional, physical, legal, social, and covenantal. At its core, becoming one flesh is about profound intimacy and unity with one’s spouse. It is an earthly representation of the love between Christ and the church.
While an imperfect reflection of that eternal bond, earthly marriage still stands as God’s primary metaphor for the gospel itself. The selfless, unconditional love of husband and wife for one another points to the awesome love Christ demonstrated for his people at the cross.
So in their countercultural determination to stay faithful, forgiving, and devoted to one another, wives and husbands demonstrate God’s amazing grace. Their sacrificial love shines light into a dark world. In this way, Christian couples can strive to live out the lofty one flesh ideal at the center of God’s design for marriage.