The concept of being “tenderhearted” is found in Ephesians 4:32, which says “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” To fully understand what it means to be tenderhearted, we must first look at the context of this verse.
Ephesians 4 opens with an exhortation to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1). This includes living in humility, gentleness, patience, and love (Ephesians 4:2). Believers are called to preserve the unity of the Spirit through peace (Ephesians 4:3).
Paul then explains that Christ has gifted the church with apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers to equip believers for works of ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12). The goal is that “we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13).
Believers are exhorted to no longer walk as unbelievers do, in futility of mind and hardness of heart (Ephesians 4:17-18). Instead, we are to “be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:23-24).
Paul then provides some practical instructions on what the renewed life should look like. Believers are to put away falsehood and speak truth to one another (Ephesians 4:25). We are not to let anger cause us to sin, and we must not let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26). Thieves must labor to share with others in need (Ephesians 4:28). Corrupting talk must be put away, and only what is helpful for building others up should come out of our mouths (Ephesians 4:29).
And directly following this, Paul exhorts us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). So being tenderhearted is part of living the renewed life in Christ – it is a marker of Christian maturity.
Definition of “Tenderhearted”
The Greek word translated “tenderhearted” in Ephesians 4:32 is eusplagchnos. This word comes from two root words – eu meaning “good” and splagchnon meaning “intestines, bowels, inward parts.” In ancient cultures, the bowels or inward parts were seen as the seat of emotions and deeper affections. So tenderheartedness refers to deep heartfelt compassion and mercy.
The tenderhearted person is one who feels love, pity, and empathy deeply in their inmost being. Their hearts are sensitive and easily moved by the needs, pains, and sorrows of others. There is an innate reflex in their hearts to show mercy, forgiveness, and compassion even to those who may be undeserving.
Character Qualities of the Tenderhearted
Based on the linguistic background and the context of Ephesians 4, we can summarize the following character qualities of someone who is tenderhearted:
- They have a soft, pliable heart inclined toward mercy.
- They are deeply moved by the hardships and sufferings of others.
- They reflexively show empathy, pity, compassion and care.
- They hate to see anyone hurting or in need.
- They extend mercy even to those who may not seem to deserve it.
- They do not harden their hearts against those who offend them.
- They are quick to forgive just as they have been forgiven.
- They seek to build others up with gracious and loving words.
- They are patient and gentle even when wronged.
In summary, to be tenderhearted is to have a heart of flesh not stone – a heart that is soft, pliable and easily moved to show mercy because it has first received abundant mercy from God. As Scottish pastor Alexander MacLaren said, “The tender heart is just the heart that is very sensitive to impression, very quick to feel where the Spirit of God points the way, very easy to be entreated, very swift in its flame.”
What the Tenderhearted Are Not
While tenderheartedness is commendable, we must also be careful not to confuse it with mere sentimentalism or enabling toxicity. The tenderhearted person:
- Does not approve of evil, but seeks to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
- Speaks truth even when hard truths need to be said.
- Does not refrain from rebuke and correction when necessary (2 Timothy 4:2).
- Does not enable abusive or destructive behavior in the name of mercy.
- Understands that sometimes love must be tough.
- Submits to God’s moral standards of holiness – mercy never compromises truth and righteousness.
The tenderhearted show empathy, compassion and patience. But they also boldly call people to repentance and faith. Like Jesus, they never separate love from truth.
How to Become More Tenderhearted
Tenderheartedness is the work of the Holy Spirit. As we walk in the Spirit, His fruit will be produced in our lives (Galatians 5:22-23). But there are some practical ways we can cooperate with Him to nurture tenderheartedness:
- Reflect often on how God has forgiven you. Those who have been forgiven much, love much (Luke 7:47). Remembering our own transgressions softens our hearts to others.
- Pray for a heart of flesh, not stone. Only God can remove a heart of stone and give a heart that is soft and pliable (Ezekiel 36:26). Plead for this daily.
- Cultivate the habit of sympathy. Pause to consider circumstances from the perspective of others. Imagine yourself in their shoes.
- Be generously compassionate. When you encounter those in need, be moved to act on their behalf.
- Immerse yourself in the tenderness of Christ. Meditate on His compassion as seen in the Gospels to become like Him.
- Humbly receive rebuke and feedback. Don’t become defensive or hard. Be open to correction.
- Guard against callous speech. Be careful not to joke about sin or speak cruel words.
As Charles Spurgeon said, “A good heart will show out in the outside of a man; it will lead him to be kind and gentle and meek and loving in spirit.” May God make our hearts exceedingly tender toward Him and toward others.
Biblical Examples of Tenderhearted People
The Bible provides us with many inspirational examples of tenderhearted people whose lives reflected the compassionate heart of God.
1. Jesus Christ
Jesus perfectly displayed tenderhearted love during His earthly ministry:
- He was “moved with compassion” when he saw the helpless crowds (Matthew 9:36).
- He wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35).
- He cleansed lepers, healed the sick, and fed the multitudes (Mark 1:40-41; Matthew 14:14; 15:32).
- He defended and pardoned an adulterous woman from condemnation (John 8:3-11).
- He prayed for God to forgive even those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34).
Jesus’ heart was ever open and receptive to the burdens, pains, and needs of others. His compassion knew no limits. He is our supreme model of tenderhearted love.
2. Barnabas
Barnabas was appropriately nicknamed “Son of Encouragement” (Acts 4:36). He demonstrated tenderheartedness in multiple instances:
- He generously sold property to meet the needs of fellow believers (Acts 4:36-37).
- He welcomed Paul and befriended him after his conversion when others avoided him (Acts 9:26-27).
- He sought out Paul to partner in ministry after their dispute (Acts 15:36-39).
Barnabas was inclined to show mercy and build others up. Even when wronged, he remained tenderhearted.
3. Epaphroditus
Epaphroditus risked his life in service to Paul and the church:
- He ministered to Paul’s needs though he was extremely ill (Philippians 2:25-27).
- He was distressed because the church had heard of his illness (Philippians 2:26).
- Paul describes him as noble, brother, fellow worker, fellow soldier, and minister (Philippians 2:25, 29).
Epaphroditus exemplified the tenderhearted person – full of compassionate service and concern for others above self.
4. The Good Samaritan
Though despised by Jews, a Samaritan showed surprising compassion when he encountered a robbed and beaten Jewish man on the road (Luke 10:25-37):
- He had pity and bandaged the man’s wounds, pouring oil and wine.
- He put the man on his own donkey and paid for his care at an inn.
- He showed exceptional mercy across racial and religious lines.
Jesus highlighted the Good Samaritan as an example of neighborly tenderheartedness – compassion in action meeting practical needs.
The Blessings of Tenderheartedness
Developing a tender heart has profound blessings associated with it. Some of the fruits of tenderheartedness include:
- Unity and harmony with others (Ephesians 4:3).
- Strengthened faith community (Acts 4:32-35).
- Joy in seeing prayers for others answered (Acts 12:5).
- The ability to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).
- Being heard by God when praying for others (James 5:16).
- Manifesting the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
- Becoming like Christ who was moved by compassion (Matthew 20:34).
A tender heart brings the blessings of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Our lives shine brighter when our hearts are tender toward God and others.
The Hardhearted Warned in Scripture
In contrast to tenderheartedness, the Bible strongly warns against hardheartedness. Scripture links hard hearts to the following:
- Rebellion and disobedience (Psalm 95:7-8; Hebrews 3:7-8, 15; 4:7).
- Depravity, immorality, covetousness (Romans 1:28-31; Ephesians 4:17-19).
- Idolatry and false religion (Acts 7:51; 28:25-27).
- Defection from the faith (Hebrews 3:12-13).
- Refusal to forgive others (Matthew 18:23-35).
- Neglect of God’s compassion and grace (Hebrews 2:1-3).
A hard heart leads one away from God and His tender mercies. The danger of hardheartedness is a repeated theme in Scripture. As believers, we must guard vigilantly against any hint of this attitude creeping into our lives.
Cultivating Tenderheartedness in the Church
How can churches cultivate tenderheartedness among their members? Consider these suggestions:
- Preach compassionately about God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
- Teach on texts that address tenderheartedness (Ephesians 4:32; Luke 6:36; 1 Peter 3:8).
- Plan practical service opportunities to care for the suffering.
- Foster an environment of gentle restoration for those who stray (Galatians 6:1).
- Practice church discipline reluctantly and only when necessary.
- Exemplify empathy, kindness, patience and compassion.
- Avoid hurtful language, gossip, or superiority.
- Model heartfelt prayer for others.
- Remind members often of Christ’s tenderhearted love.
Churches desiring tenderhearted members should make compassion and mercy core values across all ministries and relationships. Tenderheartedness should be preached, taught, modeled, celebrated and continually encouraged.
Conclusion
Tenderheartedness means having a heart inclined toward mercy. It is being easily moved to God-like compassion, forgiveness, and care in response to the needs of others. Tenderhearted believers are kind, gentle, sympathetic and humble. They have received abundant mercy, so mercy flows freely from them (Matthew 5:7).
The tenderhearted bless others through practical service and words that build up. They gently restore those who fall. They do not compromise truth, but they temper truth with grace. They love deeply because Christ first loved them. While avoiding hardheartedness, Christians must nurture tenderhearted affections. For it is the tender heart that is most open to the transforming work of the Spirit.