Honoring one’s father and mother is a central teaching in the Bible that traces back to the Ten Commandments. The commandment to “honor your father and your mother” appears in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. This principle emphasizes showing respect, obedience, and care for one’s parents. Honoring parents is not just about external behaviors but about having the right heart attitude. As Christians, honoring our parents reflects our love for God and desire to please Him.
The Bible makes clear that honoring parents should persist throughout life, not just during childhood. Even adults are called to honor their parents by continuing to show them respect and care for their needs when appropriate. However, the Bible also indicates there can be exceptions if parents lead their children into sin or unrighteousness. Still, in general, the consistent message is that honoring parents brings blessing, while dishonoring them leads to curse and judgment (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16; Proverbs 30:17; Matthew 15:4-6).
So what are some practical ways we can honor our fathers and mothers? Here are some key principles from Scripture:
Show Respect
Showing respect includes using respectful language, avoiding insults or hurtful words, and speaking to parents with courtesy. Even when disagreeing, we are to articulate this respectfully. Respect also involves listening to advice and instruction. While we may not always take the advice, we should listen respectfully. Respect means valuing our parents’ input and perspective rather than dismissing them (Proverbs 23:22).
We show respect by the way we speak about our parents to others as well. Discussing family matters or complaining about parents to friends shows disrespect. Gossiping or maligning parents ruins honor (Proverbs 30:17). Bragging and arrogance have no place in honoring parents.
Obey Parents
Children are to obey their parents “in the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-3). This means obeying legitimate parental authority, as long as it does not conflict with God’s commands. Adults are no longer under direct parental authority in the same way but may still honor parents by voluntarily choosing to follow their advice and guidance, as long as it aligns with Scripture. However, just as an employer’s authority has limits, so does a parent’s (Colossians 3:20; Acts 5:29).
Care for Parents
Caring for parents’ physical needs is a way to honor them. Joseph honored his father Jacob by bringing him to Egypt and supporting him in his final years (Genesis 47:1-12). Jesus also cared for his mother while dying on the cross, asking John to care for her after his death (John 19:25-27). Caring for aging parents reflects love and gratitude, rather than viewing it as an unwanted burden.
Caring for parents also includes emotional support and encouragement. Regularly inquiring about their well-being and expressing interest and concern for them shows honor. Being patient and gracious with a parent’s faults or struggles is a sacrificial way to care for them. Bringing joy and avoiding causing grief also demonstrates care.
Prioritize the Relationship
Honoring parents requires initiative in cultivating the relationship. It means staying connected, reaching out, and spending time together. Honoring parents does not permit abandoning the relationship due to busyness, indifference, or geographical distance. Making the relationship a priority brings honor (Proverbs 23:22). Quality time together deepens bonds between parents and children.
Prioritizing the relationship also means involving parents appropriately in one’s life. Keeping them informed about major life events honors them. Excluding them altogether from involvement in family matters fails to honor them (Proverbs 23:22). Balance and wisdom are key in handling this well.
Value Their Wisdom and Insight
Seeking counsel from parents and discussing decisions with them demonstrate honor (Proverbs 1:8). Their life experience offers perspective and insights worth consideration. Even amidst disagreement, we can still listen and learn from their counsel. Dismissing their input outright or failing to consult them shows disregard for their wisdom.
Seeking advice in the first place takes humility. We honor parents by genuinely asking for and being open to their thoughts. Valuing wisdom may lead us to heed their advice in some cases. The book of Proverbs highlighted honoring parental wisdom as an invaluable asset in life.
Express Thankfulness
Gratitude is a foundation for honor. Thanking parents for their sacrifices, care, teaching, and support throughout life cultivates an honorable bond. Writing letters, sending cards, or telling them directly, “Thank you for…” conveys honor (Proverbs 23:22). Words of appreciation for both past and present investments in our lives show we value what they have given.
Live Wisely and Responsibly
Honoring parents includes living responsibly and in a way that brings respect to the family name. Foolish behavior, illegal activities, laziness, addiction, and financial irresponsibility dishonor parents. But wisdom and integrity bring them joy and honor (Proverbs 10:1). Our lifestyle and choices reflect on our upbringing and can either help or harm our parents’ reputation.
Living wisely also prepares us to care for parents later in life. Irresponsible behavior may prevent us from providing for them. Making wise choices today grants us capacity to support parents tomorrow. Our decisions impact their well-being.
Obey and Submit to Authority
Submitting to governing authorities honors our ultimate heavenly Father. It also serves as an example to younger generations. Respect for leaders in church, school, government, and the workplace demonstrates honor, even if we disagree with them. Rebellion and defiance dishonor God and parents (Romans 13:1-7).
Likewise, employer authority has limits, but generally submitting to workplace leaders honors Christ and parents. Employees can respectfully address injustices rather than simply rebelling. Our conduct under authority serves as an example to others.
Do Not Speak Evil of Parents
Avoiding slander or unfavorable speech about parents is crucial. Venting frustration or criticizing parents to others is dishonorable. The Bible said this brings a curse from God (Proverbs 30:17). God takes dishonoring parents seriously.
There may be times a parents’ sin needs to be addressed biblically within the family. But complaining or gossip still has no place. Public shaming utterly contradicts honor. Even constructively confronting issues should stay within the family. The Bible commands keeping disagreements private (Matthew 18:15-17).
Bring Them Glory
Honoring parents ultimately means glorifying them as representatives of parental authority established by God. When children turn out well and live righteously, this brings praise to parents. Others observe their good fruit and character qualities, which reflects well on the parents (Proverbs 10:1; 23:24-25). Living to glorify Christ will naturally bring them honor.
Making parents proud through moral choices and honorable behavior brings joy to them. Seeing children mature to become responsible adults gives parents a profound sense of fulfillment and glory. Knowing their parenting succeeded is a crowning blessing.
Do Not Dishonor Based on Merit
Nowhere does the Bible say honoring parents depends on them being honorable. Even if parents fall short, God still commands honoring them. Their lack of merit does not justify dishonoring them. God’s principles apply regardless of parental perfection. Honoring them remains right, even when they are wrong.
Honoring wicked or abusive parents can be very difficult. In certain cases, a season of separation may be warranted if the relationship is unsafe. But in general, living out biblical principles honors Christ and avoids further wrong.
Though imperfect, parents still deserve basic honor and care. Their faults do not exempt children from this duty. With wisdom and boundaries, even strained relationships can be navigated honorably.
Love and Cherish Parents
According to 1 Timothy 5:4, honoring widowed parents includes showing godly love and cherishing them. Love looks for ways to graciously serve them. It treats them with patience, kindness, protection, and compassion. Cherishing parents means holding them dear and valuing them above material gain.
Considering their needs and feelings first demonstrates sacrificial love. Bearing their burdens and looking out for their interests reflects cherishing them. Placing relationships above accomplishments or wealth exhibits love’s priorities (1 Corinthians 13:3).
Honoring parents encompasses an attitude of the heart. It flows from love, not mere obligation. This sincere love and fondness for parents undergirds honorable treatment.
Provide for Parents
For adult children, providing for parents unable to provide for themselves shows honor. Rather than abandoning their needs, true honor meets them generously. Provision may include financial help, housing, caregiving, or other assistance. Widows without family especially required such charitable care (1 Timothy 5:3-16).
Jesus denounced the Pharisees who used “Corban” to excuse withholding resources from parents in need (Mark 7:9-13). We honor parents by generously giving when able, not rationalizing neglect. Caring for their needs demonstrates love.
Be Merciful and Forgiving
Since no parents are perfect, honor also requires mercy and forgiveness when they inevitably fall short. Holding grudges dishonors them. Letting go of bitterness allows for restoration and healing. Forgiveness reflects God’s heart toward us as imperfect children.
Parents likely did the best they could, even if it was inadequate. Their intentions were often good, even if the outcome was harmful. Mercy triumphs over faulty judgment (James 2:13). Moreover, we likely caused them grief also (Proverbs 17:25). Showing them the grace we desire honors them.
Do Not Hinder Honoring Parents
In Matthew 15:1-9, Jesus confronted religious leaders for negating God’s commands to honor parents through man-made religious tradition. Any theological position that functionally hinders honoring parents opposes God’s Word. Honoring parents supersedes other religious practices.
Likewise, we must not allow career ambition, relationships, hobbies, or other pursuits to prevent honoring them. Busyness is not an excuse for neglect. Honoring parents maintains a place of priority amidst other responsibilities. It is foundational in Christian ethics.
Honor Father and Mother Equally
The Bible instructs honoring both father and mother, not just one or the other (Ephesians 6:2). One is not to be honored above the other. Children are not to “take sides” against a parent but honor each one. Both deserve equal respect, care, and consideration.
Honoring the father but not the mother, or vice versa, misses the command. Partially honoring one but not the other falls short. Making either parent primary or ignoring one entirely fails to fulfill the command fully. We must honor both completely.
Even Kings Must Honor Parents
King Solomon honored his mother Bathsheba by providing her a throne and place of honor. Despite all his power and authority, he still submitted to honoring his mother (1 Kings 2:19). No matter how important or influential, all are called to this duty.
Likewise, Jesus the King of Kings honored his earthly parents. His example shows that parenthood transcends other roles. Even the ultimate authority figure modeled honor. No one is above this command, which preceded all earthly institutions.
Blessings for Honoring Parents
The Bible ties honoring parents to significant blessings. Those who honor them experience prolonged life, prosperity, and fulfilled relationships (Ephesians 6:2-3). Conversely, those who dishonor parents may face a shortened life, adversity, and relational emptiness.
God blesses those who honor parents because it demonstrates faithfulness to Him. It shows we can be trusted with greater responsibility and testimony. Our earthly faithfulness in small things leads to stewarding true riches from heaven (Luke 16:10-12).
Cautions Regarding Parents
Honoring parents rightly does require some caution. While honoring them is unequivocally right, following flawed advice may not be. Wisdom helps us discern which counsel to accept versus reject.
Parents are also not to be obeyed if they lead a child into sin and away from Christ. No authority supersedes Jesus (Acts 5:29). Honoring parents still requires putting God first.
Moreover, leaving home to cleave to a spouse takes priority over continuing to honor parents (Genesis 2:24). Starting a Godly family unit comes before perpetual obedience to parents.
Finally, parents are not to be enabled in abusive or destructive behaviors. Establishing healthy boundaries can be appropriate in certain dysfunctional dynamics while still maintaining honor.
Jesus Honored His Parents
Jesus provides the ultimate model of honoring parents. As a child, he willingly submitted to Mary and Joseph’s authority (Luke 2:51). As an adult, he made sure his mother was cared for while dying on the cross (John 19:25-27). Though divine, he honored his human parents.
Jesus also prioritized spiritual bonds over flesh and blood ties to family (Matthew 12:46-50). But he demonstrated love even for unbelieving family members. His perfect balance of family honor provides an example.
Moreover, Jesus submitted to human authorities appointed by God. He modeled a spirit of honor, even when facing injustice. His example teaches us to honor all God has established, including parents.
Conclusion
Honoring parents is a vital principle in Scripture that leads to great blessing when obeyed. This includes showing them respect, care, love, gratitude, and wisdom. Honoring parents reflects reverence for God Himself. It transcends any flaws in parents. When done as unto the Lord, honoring parents brings joy to the family and glory to God.