The Bible does not give a direct command regarding age differences in romantic relationships. However, we can gain some wisdom on this issue by looking at some biblical principles regarding marriage and by examining some examples of marriages in the Bible that involved spouses with large age differences.
Biblical Principles Regarding Marriage
Here are some principles we can draw from Scripture regarding marriage in general that can provide guidance when considering age differences:
- The Bible teaches that husbands and wives should be spiritually matched and equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). A significant age difference can sometimes indicate inequality in spiritual maturity and life stage.
- Husbands are called to sacrificially love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Older husbands may need to be cautious of not relating to a much younger wife as a child, rather than an equal partner.
- Wives are called to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). Younger wives with much older husbands may struggle to respect someone who seems from another generation.
- Proverbs 5:18 teaches the importance of rejoicing with one’s wife. Large age gaps can sometimes inhibit shared interests and romantic chemistry needed to rejoice together.
- God’s design for marriage involves “becoming one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Very large age differences can hinder unity and intimacy in marriage.
So in considering a marriage partner, looking for spiritual equality, romantic interest, life stage compatibility, and shared maturity is wise. A significant age difference can hinder those things, but not always.
Examples of Age Differences in Scripture
There are some marriages recorded in Scripture that included spouses with large age gaps. Here are two examples:
Isaac and Rebekah
When Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac, the servant found Rebekah. Isaac was 40 years old when he married Rebekah (Genesis 25:20) and Rebekah was very young, possibly in her early to mid teens. This would have made an age difference of at least 25 years. Yet Scripture presents their marriage in a positive light. They were able to find unity and intimacy despite the age gap (Genesis 24:67).
Boaz and Ruth
When the older, well-established Boaz married the younger widow Ruth, he was pleased to have her as his wife despite the age difference (Ruth 4:13). Ruth honored Boaz and put his need before her own (Ruth 3:10). And Boaz praised Ruth for her noble character (Ruth 3:11). Their conduct toward each other was the priority, rather than their age difference.
Principles for Age Differences Today
So when considering an age difference in a potential marriage today, here are some principles to keep in mind:
- Focus on spiritual maturity and equality over age. Make sure both spouses share a strong faith commitment to Christ.
- Consider life stage compatibility. Being in similar life stages can help couples relate well as peers.
- Look for shared interests and chemistry. Pursue romance and friendship within the relationship.
- Seek wisdom. Listen to guidance from parents and mentors who know you. Look for red flags they may see.
- Remember godly character matters more than age. How the spouses honor and serve one another brings blessings.
- Consider future caregiving. Large age gaps increase risks one spouse will require caregiving as the other ages.
- If marrying younger, take it slow. Young adults need time for education, discipling, and experiences before marriage.
The Bible does not forbid or condemn marriage relationships with age differences. But bringing principles of wisdom, spiritual equality, life stage appropriateness, and shared interests together can help marriages with age gaps thrive in godly ways.
Addressing Concerns with Large Age Differences
There are some potential concerns that can arise in marriages with large age differences that are important to honestly acknowledge and address:
Power Imbalance
A significant age gap can create a power imbalance, with the older spouse naturally holding more power in the relationship. This is heightened if the younger spouse is still a teenager. The older spouse must be careful not to exploit or take advantage of the younger spouse. There should be open communication, with both spouses feeling comfortable expressing needs and desires. Outside mentoring may help guard against power issues.
Different Life Stages
Spouses with large age differences may struggle to relate to each other, being in very different life stages. For example, a 20 year old and a 35 year old are likely experiencing vastly different maturity levels, interests, passions, responsibilities, and more. Effort must be made for both spouses to understand the other’s life situation.
Future Caregiving Needs
Age gaps of more than 15 years create increased risks of illness and caregiving responsibilities for the younger spouse later in life. Roles may abruptly reverse. Retirement years will also likely be shared differently. Be aware of health histories and realistic about future needs.
Criticism from Others
Unfortunately, marriages with large age differences face stigma in many circles. Be ready to offer grace to critics and prioritize the marriage over outside opinions. Seek advice from those who know you best when discerning marriage readiness.
Different Interests and Perspectives
Spouses from very different generations will likely have different interests, cultural references, and perspectives on various issues. Patience and compromise is required to navigate these differences. Shared activities and quality conversation help unite spouses with age gaps.
Questions of Motives
Sometimes couples with substantial age gaps face questions about motives from others. For example, suspicions about seeking money, power, or status. Focusing on biblical principles of Christ-centered love and sacrifice can help overcome any incorrect assumptions.
With effort and wisdom, couples with age differences can have successful, godly marriages. But it is wise to thoughtfully consider these unique challenges such gaps can bring.
Making a Large Age Gap Work in Marriage
For couples entering marriage with a sizable age difference, here are some tips that can help make the marriage thrive:
- Be equals spiritually – Focus on spiritual maturity over physical age. Nurture a shared faith commitment.
- Compromise on activities – Take turns choosing experiences you both enjoy from each season of life.
- Make communication a priority – Listen well and give each other a safe space to share thoughts.
- Discuss future plans – Get on same page regarding big issues like having kids, careers, retirement.
- Give grace generously – Avoid criticism. Seek to understand your spouse’s perspective.
- Plan for changing needs – Discuss future health changes and caregiving possibilities ahead of time.
- Seek outside support – Find mentors and community that support your marriage. Get counseling if needed.
- Focus on friendship – Build your marriage first on spiritual kinship and partnership, not just romance.
- Make time to bond – Set aside a date night or devotional time to reconnect often.
The unique challenges of an age gap can actually become strengths. Spouses can learn from each other’s generational perspectives. Marriages founded on godly principles, mutual care and wisdom can thrive through age differences.
Biblical Precedent for Age Gap Concerns
While the Bible does not forbid marriage between older men and younger women, even with large age gaps, there are two Old Testament passages that provide warnings worth considering.
Moses’ Teaching Against Taking Advantage of a Young Woman (Exodus 22:16-17)
In Exodus 22:16-17, Moses teaches, “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride price for her and make her his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride price for virgins.” This speaks to protecting young single women from predatory older men seeking to take advantage sexually without the commitment of marriage.
Israelites Punished for Marrying Young Captives (Numbers 31:15-18)
When the army of Israel conquered Midian, the soldiers kept the young virgin women for themselves but were punished for this. Moses said to them, “Behold, these caused the people of Israel, by the counsel of Balaam, to act treacherously against the LORD… now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him keep alive for yourselves.” Unequal power dynamics easily lead to abuse here.
So this precedent condemns predatory practices by older men against young girls. Marriage with substantial age gaps should avoid any hint of taking advantage of the inexperience of a much younger spouse.
Establishing Wise Boundaries
Because of the potential issues that can arise with substantial marriage age differences, it is wise to establish some boundaries. Here are some suggested guidelines:
- Older spouse no more than 15 years older if marrying in 20s
- Older spouse no more than 20 years older if marrying in 30s
- Older spouse no more than 25 years older if marrying in 40s
- Avoid marriage before age 18
- Postpone marriage until education/career launched for younger spouse
- Get trusted outside counsel and mentoring
- Openly discuss potential challenges
- Give young adults more time for growth before marriage
With wisdom and intentionality, couples with age differences can have strong marriages. But special care should be taken if the gap is over 15 years to make sure both spouses’ needs are lovingly served in marriage.
Conclusion
The Bible does not outright prohibit marriages with age differences, but does provide principles and precedents to glean wisdom from. Marriage between spouses with large age gaps can work, but also presents unique challenges. With thoughtful guidance, spiritual maturity, and shared care for one another, couples can overcome age difference challenges. The key is building marriage onbiblical values of oneness, respect, sacrifice, and Christ-centered love.