The Bible has a lot to say about apologizing and seeking forgiveness when we have wronged someone. Here is an overview of some key biblical principles on apologizing:
We Should Be Quick to Apologize and Seek Forgiveness
The Bible encourages us to have a heart ready and willing to apologize when needed. We see this in passages like:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” (James 5:16a)
These verses remind us that reconciling broken relationships through confession and apologies should be a priority. We shouldn’t let too much time pass before making things right.
A Sincere Apology Comes from a Repentant Heart
A true, biblical apology is not just words but a change in heart and behavior. It flows out of genuine repentance and sorrow over sin:
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)
“Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.” (Matthew 3:8)
Apologizing simply to appease someone or make ourselves feel better is not enough. We need repentance that leads to lasting life change.
Apologize Specifically for the Harm Caused
When apologizing, it’s important to be specific. Vague apologies don’t demonstrate true understanding of the impact our sin had on someone. Consider Zacchaeus as a model:
“Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, ‘Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.’” (Luke 19:8)
Zacchaeus didn’t just say “I’m sorry for the wrong I’ve done.” He specifically apologized for cheating people and committed to making restitution.
Apologize Even if the Person Won’t Forgive
Our apologies shouldn’t be contingent on the response. Jesus tells us:
“And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:17)
This indicates we must apologize regardless of the outcome. Whether forgiveness is granted or not, we’ve done what is biblically required of us in the situation.
Forgive Others as God Has Forgiven You
An essential part of the apology process is extending grace and forgiveness to others just as God has forgiven us:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)
If we want forgiveness for our own sins, we must be willing to forgive others in the same way.
Apologizing Demonstrates the Gospel
When we sincerely repent and apologize for our sin against others, it can point people to the gospel. They witness God’s love and grace at work in our lives, leading us to repentance and making wrongs right. As 1 Peter 2:12 (ESV) says, “Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” Sincere apologies allow our “good deeds” of humility and repentance to shine.
Jesus Is Our Ultimate Model for Apologizing
Though Jesus never sinned, He modeled apologizing and seeking forgiveness when appropriate in order to bring reconciliation. For example, we see Him apologize to Peter for causing him distress:
“The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: ‘Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:61-62)
Jesus’ loving correction brought Peter to repentance and helped restore their relationship. This shows the redemptive power of sincere apologies, even when the offense is relatively minor.
Of course, Jesus’ work on the cross is the ultimate demonstration of an apology – He took the sin of the world upon Himself and redeemed us through His death and resurrection. Our human apologies are but a shadow of His perfect, gracious act of reconciliation.
God Desires Apologies Flowing from Humility
At the heart of a godly apology is humility. Rather than stubbornness and pride, we must have a spirit of humility that readily says “I was wrong and I am sorry.” As James 4:10 (ESV) encourages:
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
And as 1 Peter 5:5-6 (ESV) reminds us:
“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.”
Apologizing requires humility. But it is the right thing to do and brings blessing when done according to God’s will.
Restitution Demonstrates Our Repentance is Genuine
When apologies involve a wrong that led to loss or harm, restitution is biblical and right:
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in that which is another’s, who will give you that which is your own?” (Luke 16:10-12 ESV)
Zacchaeus again models this repentance in action:
“And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.” And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham.” (Luke 19:8-9 ESV)
Making restitution demonstrates our repentance is real. It applies biblically to situations involving theft, loss, or damage to property.
Ask God to Grant Forgiveness
As we seek forgiveness from someone, we must also humbly ask God for His forgiveness over our sin:
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
Psalm 51 is a model prayer of repentance we can pray. God honors sincere repentance with forgiveness and restoration.
Pray for the Other Person
As we apologize, we must pray for the person affected by our sin, asking God to grant them grace to extend forgiveness and find healing:
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24 ESV)
We even see Jesus pray for those crucifying Him, saying “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34 ESV). We must pray God’s best over those we’ve wronged.
Be Ready to Accept Consequences
Sin frequently has consequences. Though God offers full forgiveness, we may still face outcomes for our actions:
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)
David faced ongoing ramifications for his adultery and murder, though God forgave him. We must accept consequences in a spirit of humility and grace.
Move Forward in Grace and Wisdom
Once reconciliation has occurred, we walk in grace and wisdom regarding the relationship. Trust may need to be rebuilt over time. We must be patient and not demand trust immediately. Paul offers this advice:
“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)
As Christ has forgiven us, we move forward wisely as forgiven people.
Conclusion
The Bible offers many principles for apologizing when we wrong others. Key points include: being quick to apologize, repenting of sin, apologizing specifically, forgiving others, accepting consequences, and moving forward in grace. Christ is the ultimate model of reconciliation, and the Holy Spirit enables us to practice biblical forgiveness.