What does the Bible say about being a Christian wife?
The Bible has a great deal to say about the role and responsibilities of a Christian wife. Here is an overview of some of the key biblical principles for wives:
Submit to your husband
One of the most well-known passages about the role of wives is Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (ESV)
This passage makes it clear that God calls wives to submit to the leadership of their husbands, just as the church submits to Christ. This does not mean that wives are inferior, but that God has created an order of authority for the family that wives are to respect. Husbands are called to lead in a sacrificial, Christlike way.
Respect your husband
In Ephesians 5:33, the Bible instructs: “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (ESV) Wives are commanded to demonstrate respect for their husbands.
This means speaking well of them, building them up, and treating them with honor, even when they are not present. Nagging, belittling, and criticizing are the opposite of what God desires from a Christian wife.
Be a helper and companion
God created Eve to be a “helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18 ESV) and to be Adam’s companion and partner. Though the Fall distorted God’s good design, a wife is still called to be a helper and companion to her husband, contributing her gifts, talents, and abilities to strengthen him and further God’s purposes.
Manage the household well
One of the primary ways Christian wives serve their husbands is by prudently and diligently managing the household. Titus 2:4-5 instructs older women to teach younger women “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (ESV)
Godly wives care well for their families, creating an orderly, welcoming, and nurturing home environment. This is a high calling.
Be reverent and chaste
Peter encourages Christian wives to demonstrate reverence by focusing on inner beauty rather than outward adornment. “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV).
Proverbs 31 also describes the “wife of noble character” as clothed in “strength and dignity” (v. 25). Wives are to care more about growing in godly character than chasing superficial beauty.
In addition, wives are exhorted to be sexually pure. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (ESV). Husband and wife are to reserve sexual intimacy for each other alone.
Love and submit to your husband
While submission is often emphasized, the Bible also commands wives to love their husbands. Titus 2 instructs older women to teach younger women “to love their husbands.” (v. 4 ESV)
When wives submit to their husbands with hearts full of love and respect, they demonstrate the beauty of the church’s submission to Christ. This noble calling requires much grace!
Be a woman of excellence
The Bible repeatedly extols the excellence of a wife of noble character. Proverbs 31 offers an elaborate portrait of such a woman – industrious, prudent, strong, dignified, caring for her household, generous, wise and fearing the Lord.
Christian wives are exhorted to develop Christlike character so they can serve their families with excellence and bring glory to God.
Cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit
1 Peter 3 instructs wives to cultivate inner beauty characterized by a “gentle and quiet spirit” which is precious to God (v. 4 ESV). This does not mean wives should be mousy pushovers, but that they should humbly seek to tame reactions like anger, harshness, pridefulness and anxiety, allowing their hope and security in Christ to shine.
Respect your husband’s leadership
Ephesians 5 is clear that husbands are called to take responsibility and leadership over the family, just as Christ leads the church. Wives are instructed to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22 ESV) and respect their husband’s leadership.
This means trusting their judgment, allowing them to make final decisions, and not undermine their authority. Yet husbands are cautioned to never abuse leadership by being harsh or inconsiderate.
Be a faithful helper
God created Eve to be a helper and companion to Adam, assisting him in the work God gave him to do (Genesis 2:18). Though the Fall greatly marred this relationship, wives are still called to be faithful helpers to their husbands.
This involves actively supporting him in all of life – emotionally, practically, spiritually. A Christian wife looks for ways to lighten her husband’s load and assist him in fulfilling his purposes, not compete against him.
Reflect the relationship between Christ and the church
Marriage between husband and wife is meant to reflect the profound mystery of Christ’s sacrificial, covenant love for His church (Ephesians 5:32). The way Christian wives relate to their husbands should mirror the church’s submission to Christ.
When wives voluntarily yield to their husbands’ leadership, it displays the church’s willing submission to whatever Christ asks of His bride. This picture requires humility and grace.
Be trustworthy and loyal
Proverbs 31 describes an excellent wife as her husband’s “confidence” so he has “no lack of gain.” (v. 11 ESV) Wives build trust and instill confidence through faithfulness, loyalty, discretion, honesty and reliability. These traits allow a wife to become her husband’s trusted confidant and partner.
Seek to do him good
In a perfect world, husbands and wives would consistently seek each other’s greatest good. But marriages take work! Christian wives are called to practice love by intentionally looking out for their husbands’ best interests.
This means supporting endeavors he is passionate about (even when they don’t thrill you), making his favorite meals, remembering significant dates, and praying for God to work in his heart.
Be a wise counselor
Throughout Proverbs, wisdom is portrayed as a wise woman calling out and pleading to be heard (Prov. 1:20-21; 8:1-3; 9:4). A wife is commanded to actively pursue wisdom and discretion so she can offer godly counsel and insight to her husband rather than folly or manipulation.
A wise Christian wife seeks to listen well, ask thoughtful questions, apply Scripture, and speak the truth in love to encourage her husband toward wise decisions.
Prayerfully Battle Spiritual Warfare
Behind every Christian marriage is spiritual warfare with the enemy of our souls. Wives are commanded to put on spiritual armor through prayer and persevere in prayer for their husbands (Eph. 6:10-18). Storming the gates of heaven through prayer defeats attacks from hell.
Fervent prayer for your husband is one of the most powerful weapons God has given wives to strengthen marriages, especially when husbands are struggling with sin or apathy.
Be sexually available and eager
Because the wife’s body does not belong solely to herself but to her husband, Scripture boldly exhorts wives not to deprive their husbands of sexual intimacy but to make themselves sexually available when desired (1 Cor. 7). This includes being willing and eager for intimacy.
God uniquely designed sexuality as a way for a husband and wife to serve and bless each other. Therefore, Christian wives ought to seek to make intimacy enjoyable for their spouse without selfishness.
Overflow with gratitude and encouragement
No husband is perfect, yet the Bible instructs wives to overflow with gratitude rather than nagging. “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike” (Proverbs 27:15 ESV), while “a gracious woman gets honor” (Proverbs 11:16 ESV).
Wives can powerfully impact their husbands for good through continually encouraging them, praising their strengths and progress, overlooking minor flaws, and thanking God for them.
Be a Balm to Your Husband’s Soul
Life places heavy burdens on husbands – labor to provide, pressure to succeed, loads to carry. A Christian wife has a high calling to be a refuge and balm to refresh her husband’s soul when life weighs him down. “A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” (Prov. 14:1)
Wives can soothe weary husbands simply by providing a peaceful, orderly haven, refusing to nag, listening empathetically, and always encouraging. God designed marriage for companionship; a Christian wife plays a key role in fulfilling this precious purpose.
Accept Your Husband Unconditionally
Marriage is a covenant, meaning spouses pledge to remain committed for better or worse, in sickness and health. But wives are prone to withdraw love or become bitter when a husband acts unfavorably.
Scripture calls Christian wives to love their husbands unconditionally. This means accepting imperfections as well as strengths, weaknesses as well as talents. Your spouse remains worthy of love even when struggling with sin or failure.
Be Loyal and Protect His Reputation
Proverbs 31 says an excellent wife is her husband’s “confidence” and he can trust her without reservation (v. 11). Christian wives demonstrate loyalty by keeping their husband’s secrets and weaknesses private, never exposing them to scorn.
This also means protecting his reputation by speaking well of him to others and defending him against unjust criticism rather than belittling him. Such loyalty binds husbands and wives closely.
Value Your Husband Above Others
Too often, wives lavish time chatting with girlfriends or become overly involved with children’s activities while neglecting their husbands. But God’s priority is the marriage relationship above other relationships. “A husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church.” (Eph. 5:23)
A wife must be intentional to invest in affection, communication, and friendship with her husband, making the marriage relationship primary. Saying “no” to other commitments may be required to preserve this treasure.
Fight Discontentment by Being Thankful
It’s tempting for wives to grow discontent with a husband who does not live up to all her hopes and dreams. But gratitude is God’s antidote for discontentment. “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess. 5:18)
Christian wives can fight discontentment by intentionally thanking God for their husbands’ strengths, progress and efforts. Focusing on gratitude for a husband’s sacrifices cultivates deep love over time.
Let Him Lead and Make Final Decisions
Marriage roles are distorted when a wife insists on taking equal responsibility for leadership and decision making. But Scripture is clear the husband bears ultimate responsibility before God to lead the home. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Eph. 5:22)
A Christian wife must surrendered personal rights and not undermine her husband’s leadership by manipulating or controlling him. Entrust final decisions to your husband’s discernment, praying for God’s guidance.
Cherish Intimate Friendship
Marriage thrives when husband and wife regard one another as intimate best friends who enjoy sharing life together. “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Eccl. 4:9-10)
Wives cultivate friendship by conversing frequently, reminiscing together, pursuing shared interests, listening supportively, and laughing often. This deep companionship fulfills God’s design for marriage.
Be Unified in Child Rearing
When rearing children, it is vital Christian wives support their husband’s leadership rather than competing. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4)
Husband and wife must present a unified front on discipline, values, priorities, and roles. Occasional discussions should happen privately between spouses to preserve unity when training children.
Guard Your Heart and Marriage Vows
Toxic friendships, emotional entanglements, romantic fantasies and flirtations all threaten marriage. That is why Scripture warns: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Prov. 4:23)
A wise, godly wife highly values her marriage vows and protects against emotional and physical unfaithfulness by setting clear boundaries with other men. She directs her passion towards her husband alone.
Pray for Your Husband and Marriage
No marriage thrives automatically. It takes effort and prayer to foster intimacy and overcome inevitable sin and conflict. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God.” (James 1:5)
A wise Christian wife intercedes daily for God to bless her husband and marriage. She asks God to develop Christlike character qualities in her husband while also revealing her own sin. Vibrant prayer life strengthens marriage.
Allow Your Husband to Lead Spiritually
God designed the husband to take primary responsibility for the spiritual leadership of the home. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Eph. 5:25)
This means a Christian wife should not try to take equal responsibility but rather allow her husband to lead spiritually. She can encourage respectfully and contribute insight but entrusts oversight of the family’s spiritual welfare to him.
The Bible offers wives rich and varied guidance for excelling in their high calling. As Christian wives humbly obey these Scriptural commands, they bless their husbands and homes in powerful ways that bring glory to God.