Caring for elderly parents is an important topic addressed in the Bible. As parents age and become unable to fully care for themselves, adult children are called upon to provide support and assistance. Here is an overview of some of the key biblical principles regarding caring for aging parents:
Honor Your Father and Mother
One of the Ten Commandments given by God is to “honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). This commandment comes with a promise of blessing for those who honor and obey it. Honoring parents extends beyond childhood – it is a lifelong command. As parents grow older and become dependent, part of honoring them is providing care and support in their elderly years.
Caring for Parents is Pleasing to God
In Timothy 5:4, Paul writes that children and grandchildren caring for their widowed mothers and grandmothers is “pleasing in the sight of God.” When adult children make sacrifices to assist and care for elderly parents, it brings delight to the heart of God. He desires for families to care for their own.
Do Not Neglect Your Parents
Jesus strongly corrected the religious leaders of his day for advocating that people dedicate their resources to God while simultaneously neglecting the needs of their parents (Matthew 15:3-6). Followers of Christ must not excuse themselves from caring for parents in order to pursue other noble or religious goals. Meeting needs of parents should take priority.
Repay Your Parents for Their Care
Paul teaches that children have an obligation to provide for their parents, because parents provided for them in their youth: “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Caring for parents is a way to repay them for the care they provided when raising their children.
Do Not Abandon Your Parents
God cares greatly for widows, orphans and the vulnerable. In times past, elderly parents were extremely vulnerable when they became widowed or unable to work and provide for themselves. God forbid adult children from permanently abandoning their aging parents (Mark 7:9-13). Temporary assistance from the church was permitted, but not a permanent solution. Ultimately, children and grandchildren bore responsibility.
Be Patient and Kind With Elderly Parents
As parents age, they may become difficult to deal with at times, especially if they suffer from pain, confusion, dementia or other effects of aging. God’s word instructs adult children to be patient and kind with aging parents, just as God has been patient and kind with us, his children (Colossians 3:12-13). We should treat elderly parents with love, mercy and forgiveness.
Provide for Your Widowed Mother
In the early church, one of the top criteria for being appointed a leader within the church was having a reputation for “honoring widows” (1 Timothy 5:3). James said that pure religion includes looking after “widows in their affliction” (James 1:27). Adult children, especially sons, have a duty to financially support and care for mothers when they lose their husbands. The church should also play a role (1 Timothy 5:16).
Your Reward Will Be Great
While caring for elderly parents can be challenging at times, God sees this sacrifice of love and will bless those who do it: “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered” (Proverbs 11:25). Jesus assures that any sacrifice we make to care for family will be rewarded: “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands…” (Mark 10:29-30).
Practical Examples in Scripture
In addition to direct commands about caring for parents, the Bible provides touching examples of elderly care:
- Joseph provided for his elderly father Jacob and the entire family by bringing them from Canaan to Egypt where he had become a high official (Genesis 45:9-11, Genesis 47:12).
- Obed was praised for being one “who has taken care of Naomi in her old age” (Ruth 4:15).
- When Abigail met David, she “bowed down with her face to the ground” and said “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt” for the offense of her husband. This act of honoring was pleasing to David (1 Samuel 25:23-35).
Practical Ways to Care for Elderly Parents
There are many practical ways that adult children can obey God’s command to care for their aging parents. Here are some suggestions:
- Ensure their physical needs are met – Provide food, clothing, transportation to doctor appointments, medications, housing/co-housing, hygiene and anything else required for their physical health and comfort.
- Help with home maintenance – Keep their living environment clean, safe and accessible by assisting with cleaning, repairs, yardwork, house modifications like ramps or grip bars.
- Check in regularly – Visit as often as is feasible, and call/text/video chat on a regular basis to provide companionship and ensure safety.
- Assist with finances – Help with budgeting, bill payment, financial planning and protecting assets from fraud as needed.
- Provide transportation – Drive or enlist others to drive parents to needed appointments, church services and events.
- Listen attentively – When spending time together, listen more than speak. Hear their stories and wisdom.
- Be patient – Expect challenges. Respond gently and keep extending grace – just as God does for us.
- Help arrange care services – If needed, research and arrange for professional in-home care, senior day programs or quality nursing facilities.
- Advocate for their needs – If parents cannot fully care for themselves, speak up on their behalf and ensure their wishes are honored.
- Make care decisions – If holding power of attorney, manage finances and make treatment decisions according to their preferences.
Cautions Regarding Elder Care
While Scripture calls us to care for aging parents, there are also cautions to keep in mind:
- Do not enable harmful behaviors like alcoholism or drug abuse. Allow natural consequences to spur needed change.
- Maintain other key priorities like caring for your spouse and children. Find ways to involve family in caring so the load does not fall entirely on one sibling.
- Guard your heart – avoid resentment. Approach caregiving as something you get to do, not have to do.
- Protect your own health – the stamina required to care for parents can take a toll. Seek regular rest and breaks from the demands.
- Caregiving is not caretaking. Respect parents’ autonomy and privacy. Assume competency on their part unless proven otherwise.
- If abuse or neglect occurs, speak up or call adult protective services if needed to ensure safety and humane treatment.
Conclusion
Caring for aging and elderly parents is a clear biblical mandate. adult children must avoid neglecting or abandoning parents in their time of need. Practical care and support should be provided with patience, kindness and grace. While challenging at times, this act of sacrificial service pleases God greatly. He promises to reward and bless those who faithfully honor their mothers and fathers throughout the entirety of life.