A blended family refers to a family where one or both parents have children from previous relationships that are brought together into one household. As divorce rates have increased in modern society, blended families have become increasingly common. Christians seeking to form a blended family face unique challenges and questions on how to do so in a biblical way. Here is an overview of some key principles from Scripture on blended families for Christians:
1. God’s Design for Marriage
The Bible teaches that God’s design from creation is for one man and one woman to be joined together in marriage for life (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6). Remarriage after divorce or death of a spouse is permitted in Scripture, but is not God’s ideal plan. Christians forming a blended family should acknowledge that while blended families are permitted, they exist as a result of sin and the brokenness of living in a fallen world. God can redeem any family situation, but His best is for children to grow up with their married biological parents together.
2. Commitment to the New Family
When a man and woman with children from previous relationships marry, they are forming a new family. They must be fully committed to this new family unit (Matthew 19:5-6). Loyalty must be to the new spouse ahead of any ties to previous spouses. Parents should avoid speaking negatively of previous spouses, drawing inappropriate comparisons, or allowing former spouses to interfere in the new marriage. The success of the new family depends on leaving the past in the past.
3. Loving All Children Equally
One of the biggest challenges in blended families is for stepparents to love and parent their stepchildren the same as their biological children. However, God’s standard is clear. Stepparents need to make every effort to selflessly love and care for all children in the home, regardless of their biological relationship (Deuteronomy 1:16-17, Acts 10:34-35). Parents need to be intentional about consistently affirming their love for stepchildren through words and actions.
4. Being Patient
Forming a strong blended family takes time, often years. Parents should not expect children to instantly accept a new family situation. Children need time to grieve losses from previous family breakdowns and build trust in new family members. Patience, compassion and open communication will enable kids to adjust to major life changes (Romans 12:12, Psalm 86:15, Proverbs 15:1).
5. Seeking Counseling or Mentoring If Needed
Blending two families together is complicated. Christian parents in this situation are wise to seek out counseling, mentoring and support from other successful blended families, pastoral leadership, or Christian marriage resources (Proverbs 15:22, Titus 2:3-5). Working through issues such as discipline, managing former spouses, and bonding as a couple early on can help avoid pitfalls down the road.
6. God Can Redeem Any Family Situation
No family dynamic in a fallen world will be perfect. Even biological nuclear families encounter issues and conflict. The good news is that God’s grace can work powerfully through any family structure yielded to Him (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28). As parents walk in humility, love, faith in God’s redemptive power and dependence on the Holy Spirit, He will use their blended family in beautiful ways for His glory.
7. Relying on God’s Strength
Creating a strong Christian blended family is not easy and cannot be done in human strength alone. Parents in this situation must rely daily on God’s grace and strength to love self-sacrificially, be patient, reject favoritism, and parent children not biologically their own (Isaiah 41:10, Philippians 4:13, Proverbs 3:5-6). It is a situation where His power and presence is proven perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
8. Being Mindful of Special Occasions
Special occasions like holidays, birthdays, graduations and weddings can be tricky in blended families. Parents should be thoughtful about respecting any traditions or relatives kids have from previous families, while also forging new traditions. Open communication and compromise are key – the goal should be accommodating everyone, not elevating biological kids. Each child’s needs matter.
9. Seeking Unity and Harmony
Unity and harmony should be earnest goals in blended families despite differences that exist (Psalm 133:1, Ephesians 4:3). Parents have the responsibility to be mature, selfless, and make decisions that promote oneness and family cohesion. With Christ at the center, even very diverse people can live and love in profound unity (John 17:21-23).
10. Making Discipline Fair
Discipline can be a thorny issue in blended families. Stepparents should have authority to discipline their stepchildren, but wisdom must be used to avoid allegations of unfairness by biological kids. Generally, biological parents should take the lead in discipline while stepparents play a supporting role until trust develops. Discipline should be exercised equally for all kids in the home.
11. Honoring and Respecting the Children’s Other Biological Parent
Speaking negatively about an ex-spouse to the children or limiting their time together is harmful. Children’s loyalty belongs first to their biological parents regardless of marital status. Christian parents should facilitate a close, godly relationship between kids and their other parent as much as possible (Ephesians 4:2-3). This honors God’s design.
12. Making Marital Intimacy a Priority
With all the demands of parenting, it’s essential couples make their marriage relationship a top priority. Regular date nights, weekends away and intimacy are key to maintaining a strong marriage bond and family life (Song of Songs 4:9-12, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). When the couple thrives, the family thrives.
13. Letting Go of the Past
To grow a strong blended family, parents must choose to let go of bitterness and mistakes in their pasts. God promises He can redeem even the worst circumstances for good (Romans 8:28, Genesis 50:20). Couples should be quick to forgive, not bring up past grievances, and move forward in hope and grace (Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 3:13-14).
14. Making Prayer a Priority
Satan loves to attack families and marriages. Parents in blended families must vigilantly pray together to protect their marriage and children from spiritual attack. Prayer for unity, patience, wisdom, healing of past wounds, grace to love and forgiveness is essential (Mark 11:25, James 5:16). Victory will be found on knees in prayer.
15. Relying on the Church Community
Blended families need strong support, advice and fellowship from other Christians (Hebrews 10:24-25). Parents can find encouragement and mentoring through small groups, parenting classes, or seeking out other blended families within their church. Christian community reinforces godly principles.
16. Being Realistic
Adjusting to a blended family can take years. Expecting too much too fast often causes frustration and discouragement. Parents should recognize limitations, extend grace to themselves and children, celebrate small victories, and be patient. Progress will come, but slowly (Philippians 4:11-13).
In summary, God is able to create beautiful, redeemed families from any circumstances if we follow biblical principles of love, patience, sacrifice, wisdom and relying on His grace and Spirit. Though not ideal, with Christ at the center, blended families can be places where His redemptive power is demonstrated.