Conflict is inevitable in human relationships. Even among believers, disagreements and disputes happen. As Christians, how should we handle conflict when it arises? The Bible provides much wisdom and guidance on resolving conflicts in a godly manner.
Overarching Principles for Conflict Resolution
Here are some key biblical principles for dealing with conflict:
- Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19-20). Seek to understand before making judgments.
- Treat others as you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). Be respectful and thoughtful.
- Look out for others’ interests, not just your own (Philippians 2:4). Be willing to compromise.
- Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Be honest but gentle.
- If you have offended someone, seek forgiveness quickly (Matthew 5:23-24). Pride should not get in the way of reconciliation.
- Forgive others as God has forgiven you (Colossians 3:13). Let go of grudges and resentment.
Approaching conflict with humility, patience, and grace honors Christ and can lead to deeper understanding and stronger relationships.
Causes of Conflict
The Bible points to several potential sources of conflict among believers:
- Pride – Pride can make us defensive and inflexible when our ideas are challenged (Proverbs 13:10).
- Selfishness – Looking out for our own interests exclusively can lead to friction with others (Philippians 2:3-4).
- Unresolved anger – Letting anger fester ruins relationships with God and others (Ephesians 4:26-27).
- Miscommunication – Assumptions and misunderstandings can create barriers to unity (Proverbs 18:13).
- Differences in conscience – Sincere Christians can disagree on disputable matters (Romans 14:1).
Recognizing these potential problem areas can help us take preventive measures against unnecessary conflict.
Responding to Conflict
When conflict inevitably comes, how should Christians respond? Here are some key principles from Scripture:
- Go directly to those involved rather than fueling the conflict through gossip (Matthew 18:15).
- Speak the truth in love, not harshly (Ephesians 4:15).
- Listen carefully for understanding (Proverbs 18:13).
- Ask thoughtful questions to clarify disagreements.
- Consider different perspectives humbly (Philippians 2:3).
- Apologize when at fault, and extend forgiveness (Matthew 5:23-24).
- Focus on reconciliation rather than winning debates (Romans 12:18).
- Involve unbiased believers to help if needed (Philippians 4:3).
The goal should be restoration of relationship, not proving yourself right. Think in terms of “us” rather than “me vs. you.”
Resolving Persistent Conflicts
For conflicts that resist quick resolution, Scripture provides further guidance:
- Commit the situation to prayer rather than anxiousness (Philippians 4:6-7).
- Examine yourself for planks in your own eye rather than just others’ specks (Matthew 7:3-5).
- Make allowances for others’ personalities and preferences (Romans 14:1-2).
- Focus on common ground rather than just differences.
- Strive to maintain unity of spirit despite disagreement (Ephesians 4:3).
- Entrust judgment and justice to God rather than seeking vindication (Romans 12:19).
- Trust God’s sovereignty over difficult relationships (Romans 8:28).
Persevering through conflict requires much patience, love, and wisdom. But it is a powerful testimony of Christian grace and presents opportunities for growth.
Examples of Conflict Resolution in the Bible
Scripture provides many stories of conflicts among God’s people and how they were resolved in a godly manner. For example:
- Abraham repeatedly yielded to Lot to preserve peace between them (Genesis 13:8-9).
- Joseph forgave and reconciled with his brothers despite their selling him into slavery (Genesis 50:15-21).
- Moses accepted correction from his brother Aaron and sister Miriam (Numbers 12).
- The Jerusalem Council resolved a major dispute over legalism through discussion and compromise (Acts 15).
- Paul confronted Peter but always with a spirit of grace (Galatians 2:11-14).
These examples reveal that conflicts among believers are nothing new. By God’s grace, they can be worked through for greater unity and God’s glory.
Divisive People and Relationships
At times, conflict resolution proves impossible. Scripture speaks candidly about divisive people and relationships characterized by strife:
- Avoid foolish and quarrelsome people; strife will ensue (2 Timothy 2:23, Proverbs 20:3).
- Beware of people who create disunity and “throw stones” (Proverbs 6:19, 16:28).
- Let divisive people go their own way rather than disrupting unity (Titus 3:10-11).
- Shun those who continually foster discord among believers (Romans 16:17).
As much as possible, peace should be pursued with all people (Romans 12:18). But sometimes relationships prove too toxic, no matter how many gracious attempts are made to reconcile. In such cases, boundaries or even breaks need to be established, with prayer and hope that change may come in God’s timing.
The Church’s Witness
Conflict among Christians grabs the world’s attention, for better or worse. Jesus prayed that the church would be unified to reflect God’s love and truth (John 17:20-23). When we handle conflict biblically, it displays Christ’s reconciling power and grace. But when we deal with conflict poorly, we distort the gospel. May our conflicts point people to the Prince of Peace rather than provide cause for mockery of His name.
Trusting God Amidst Conflict
In conclusion, conflict will occur even among devoted followers of Christ. The Bible advises us to be shrewd as serpents yet innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). Wisdom is needed to resolve disagreements in a Christ-honoring way. Yet we can rest in God’s sovereignty when conflicts persist or relationships fracture. By His Spirit, He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). He alone brings perfect justice and peace. Conforming to the image of Christ enables us to shine as lights of peace and reconciliation in an often divided world.