Dealing with difficult people is an inevitable part of life. We all encounter people who are hostile, argumentative, manipulative, or just plain difficult. As Christians, how should we handle these challenging relationships? The Bible offers much wisdom on this topic.
First, the Bible tells us to be patient and not retaliate when faced with a difficult person. Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Getting angry or seeking revenge will only escalate the conflict. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 instructs us to “be patient with everyone.” When interacting with a difficult person, stay calm and don’t let their antagonism provoke you to anger.
Second, we are called to be loving and kind even to those who oppose us. Romans 12:20-21 says “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not let the other person’s behavior dictate how you treat them. Continue to show God’s love through your words and actions, even if they respond unkindly.
Third, avoid engaging in fruitless arguments with difficult people. Titus 3:9 advises, “Avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.” You are not likely to change the mind of someone bent on quarreling. Redirect conversations to productive topics if possible.
Fourth, turn the situation over to God in prayer. Ask Him for wisdom in relating to the difficult person. Also pray for the other person’s heart to be softened. James 1:5 promises “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Pray for patience and understanding.
Fifth, set healthy boundaries when needed. If someone persists in mistreating you, you may need to limit contact for a time. Romans 16:17 advises to “Watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” Seek guidance from godly counselors on setting appropriate boundaries.
Sixth, avoid gossiping about the difficult person. Speaking negatively about them to others will not help the situation. The Bible instructs in Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Take the high road in how you speak about difficult people.
Seventh, keep entrusting the difficult person to God. Ask Him to help you show unconditional love. “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44). Bring the burden of the strained relationship to the Lord frequently in prayer.
In summary, when dealing with difficult people the Bible advises us to:
- Be patient and refrain from anger or retaliation
- Continue showing kindness and love
- Avoid fruitless arguments and quarreling
- Bring the matter to God in prayer continually
- Set healthy boundaries if needed
- Refrain from gossiping about the person
- Keep entrusting the person to God
The Bible promises God’s help and wisdom if we ask Him. James 1:5 assures “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” May we honor God in all our relationships, even the most difficult ones. With the spirit’s help, we can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
Difficult people are in every sphere of life—in our families, workplaces, churches, and communities. But God can give us the grace to relate to them as He would have us to. His word provides much practical guidance on treating difficult people with love while still setting healthy boundaries. As we seek to apply biblical principles, we can trust God to work in both our hearts and the hearts of those who oppose us. Though challenging, these relationships provide an opportunity to demonstrate the love and patience of Christ.
When dealing with a difficult person, start by examining your own heart first. Have you contributed in any way to the strained relationship? Is there any way you can show kindness to build a bridge? Ask God to soften your heart toward the person. But extend grace and space if the person is abusive or dangerous.
Next, consider the perspective of the difficult person. Is there a misunderstanding or miscommunication that needs clarification? Are there hurts or offenses that need to be resolved through humble discussion and forgiveness? Speaking the truth in love can heal relationship rifts. However, if the root issues are on the other person’s side, we have limited power to ‘fix’ them.
Also, reflect on what boundaries may be needed. If a person persistently mistreats you, limiting contact for a time may be wise for your emotional and spiritual health. Let wisdom and common sense guide boundary setting. You may need to speak frankly but respectfully about changing the nature of the relationship.
Bring the matter to the Lord in prayer before taking further action. Ask God for discernment on building bridges versus establishing boundaries. Seek to understand His perspective on the difficult person and on how you should relate to them. God may bring Bible verses to mind that offer direction.
Where possible, have open and caring conversations to seek understanding and reconciliation. But disengage if communication deteriorates into unproductive arguments. Share your genuine care and concern for the person. Offer forgiveness for any ways you may have contributed to the difficulties. But stand firm if boundaries are needed.
Finally, continue to demonstrate God’s love and grace to the difficult person, regardless of how they respond. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you love them unconditionally, as God loves you. This may involve much patience and persistent prayer. But keep entrusting the matter to the Lord.
Dealing with difficult people tests our Christian character. But by God’s strength, it can produce growth in our ability to show mercy and grace. We all stand in need of patience and forgiveness ourselves. As 1 Peter 3:8 exhorts, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” With prayer and God’s help, we can relate even to difficult people in a way that honors Christ.
When a fellow Christian is being difficult, we should approach the situation with even greater care. The Bible offers many principles on resolving conflicts between believers. Jesus gave clear instructions in Matthew 18:15-17 on addressing sin issues in the church:
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
Based on this passage, when a fellow Christian is being difficult, the first step is to speak to them privately and lovingly about the situation. The goal is restoration and reconciliation in the body of Christ. If the person refuses to listen after individual and small group dialogue, the matter should be brought before church leadership.
Other key principles for handling conflicts between believers include:
- Have a humble and gentle attitude (Galatians 6:1)
- Listen carefully to understand their perspective (Proverbs 18:13)
- Use caution in how you speak (Proverbs 12:18)
- Ask clarifying questions to avoid misunderstandings (Proverbs 18:17)
- Highlight common ground as fellow believers (1 Corinthians 12:25-26)
- Speak the truth respectfully and lovingly (Ephesians 4:15)
- Aim for restoration and forgiveness (2 Corinthians 2:5-8)
- Trust in God’s work more than your words (1 Corinthians 3:6-7)
Healthy confrontation undertaken in a wise and loving manner can lead to growth and stronger relationships between Christians. But the goal should be redemption not retaliation. With prayer and God’s help, we can work through issues with fellow believers in a way that strengthens Christ’s body.
In our families, dealing with difficult relatives poses unique challenges. We do not choose our family members. So we must relate to those who are temperamentally difficult as an obligation of Christian love.
Several Bible verses speak directly to handling difficult family relationships:
- “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife” (Proverbs 17:1)
- “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you” (Proverbs 9:8)
- “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14)
- “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11)
- “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered” (Proverbs 22:24)
These verses advise us to avoid escalating conflict, refrain from strife, overlook insults, and limit influence of continually angry relatives. We cannot force family members to change. We can only control our response.
Steps for dealing with difficult family members include:
- Pray for family members consistently
- Strive to be a peacemaker without compromising principles
- Avoid hurtful speech or gossip about family struggles
- Seek outside counsel from spiritual mentors when needed
- Set healthy boundaries when essential to protect wellbeing
- Continue showing love and grace at every opportunity
- Entrust difficult family members to God when tensions arise
- Look for ways to bless and encourage family in spite of differences
With wisdom and God’s help, we can navigate complicated family dynamics in a way that honors Christ and limits relational damage. The Bible offers much guidance for dealing with family members who are difficult by temperament or habit.
Marriage presents a very intimate form of relationship in which to apply biblical principles for difficult people. Spouses invariably experience seasons of significant conflict and strain. How can the Bible’s teaching help navigate a marriage to a temperamentally difficult husband or wife?
Several Bible passages provide wisdom for dealing with a difficult spouse:
- “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
- “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9)
- “Do not deprive one another sexually, except perhaps by mutual consent for a limited time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer.” (1 Corinthians 7:5)
- “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies… Let each one of you love his wife as himself.” (Ephesians 5:28, 33)
Applying these verses, we should:
- Seek to de-escalate conflict with a gentle, peaceful response
- Limit negative influence with healthy boundaries when needed
- Prioritize meeting each other’s needs intimately and emotionally
- Continue making loving actions and sacrifice a daily choice
Additional keys to dealing with a difficult spouse include:
- Praying together to invite God into the marriage
- Pursuing thoughtful communication and active listening
- Seeking pastoral counsel when conflicts persist
- Focusing on your own contributions to difficulties
- Making the marriage commitment a top priority
- Asking God for eyes to see your spouse as He does
A difficult marriage tests faith but can deepen love and dependence on God. If both spouses look to Christ as the center of the marriage, even the greatest trials can be overcome by His power. With prayer and humility, biblical principles can guide spouses through chronic conflict to a loving, lasting union.
In the workplace, relating well to difficult colleagues, supervisors and employees is crucial for a harmonious environment. Scripture offers principles relevant to navigating difficult work relationships.
God’s word instructs us to work “with all humility toward one another…in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2-3). It exhorts us to “not grow weary of doing good” (Galatians 6:9) and to “work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23).
Applying these verses in the workplace involves:
- Pursuing unity and avoiding dissension
- Treating colleagues with patience, kindness and humility
- Continuing diligent work habits despite difficult coworkers
- Adopting a mindset of working for God ultimately, not just man
Other biblical strategies for dealing with difficult work relationships include:
- Overlook minor offenses and avoid keeping score (Proverbs 19:11)
- Speak carefully without slander or gossip (Psalm 141:3, Proverbs 16:28)
- Prioritize ethical integrity in all business practices (Colossians 3:17)
- Seek biblical resolution for persistent interpersonal conflicts (Matthew 18:15-17)
- Manage difficult interactions with wisdom and self-control (Proverbs 14:29, James 1:19-20)
By God’s strength, we can navigate tension-filled workplaces in a manner that is upright, patient and loving. Maintaining godly conduct and relationships should take priority over transient professional conflicts.
Within the church, conflicts and difficult relationships inevitably arise due to our human limitations. As believers, we are called to handle such matters in a way that honors Christ and preserves Christian community.
Jesus Himself gave instructions for resolving conflict within the church: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone…But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more…And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church.” (Matthew 18:15-17)
The apostle Paul offers other principles for handling difficult people and disagreements within the church:
- “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)
- “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone.” (2 Timothy 2:24)
- “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
- “Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” (Colossians 3:13)
Applying these verses involves:
- Attempting genuine reconciliation through gracious dialogue
- Maintaining humility and patience versus insisting on ‘rights’
- Prioritizing collective church harmony over individual offense
- Extending forgiveness to those who have caused relational breaches
By God’s enabling, we can honor Him in the midst of church conflicts. Our conduct should be blameless as we attempt reconciliation.
In conclusion, the Bible offers extensive guidance for dealing with difficult people in all spheres of life. As Christians, we are called to honor God in every relationship. Though challenging, striving to relate to difficult people as Scripture instructs provides rich opportunities for spiritual growth. We all stand in need of grace. By His strength, may we extend grace even to those who oppose us.