The Bible has a lot to say about how we should conduct ourselves and interact with others. While it may not lay out specific rules for things like which fork to use at a fancy dinner party, it does provide principles and guidance for living an upright, moral, and considerate life. When we look at what the Bible teaches about our attitudes, speech, and actions towards others, a picture emerges of how a follower of God should carry themselves in any setting or relationship.
Love Others
The most fundamental principle the Bible promotes regarding manners and etiquette is to love others. When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). Showing love means considering how our words and actions affect others and seeking their good. The Bible tells us to “love one another with brotherly affection” (Romans 12:10) and to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). Living by the golden rule, we should treat others as we would want to be treated (Luke 6:31).
Be Humble
Humility is an attitude that pervades biblical teachings on etiquette. Rather than jockeying for position or honor, followers of Christ are called to “in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). The book of Proverbs says, “when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (11:2) and “before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor” (18:12). Being humble involves an accurate view of ourselves before God, not thinking too highly or too lowly (Romans 12:3). It also entails submitting to others and serving them before ourselves, as Jesus exemplified when he washed his disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17).
Be Considerate
Out of love, Christians are to be considerate of others and their needs. The apostle Paul instructs believers to “look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). This requires being observant of those around us and what would bless them or meet a need they have. It may mean offering our seat to someone elderly or disabled, making accommodations for a guest’s food allergy, or simply listening when someone needs to talk. The book of Romans tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another” (12:15-16). Considering others’ perspectives and feelings, rather than being self-absorbed, is a mark of good manners in the Bible.
Be Forgiving
An essential part of gracious etiquette is having a forgiving heart. Because all people are sinful, we will inevitably hurt or offend someone else, intentionally or not, and others will hurt us. Holding grudges over petty slights or errors breeds resentment and disunity. The Bible instructs believers, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13). We should forgive others just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). This includes forgiving people even if they don’t apologize or recognize their fault (Luke 17:3-4). Letting go of bitterness and showing mercy reflects the grace we’ve received from God.
Speak with Grace and Truth
The words we speak play a significant role in biblically sound etiquette. Scripture tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). The book of Proverbs says, “the tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18) and “gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (16:24). Our conversations should be “always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). Thoughtless, angry speech hurts others, while gentle, uplifting words bless them. At the same time, we are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), not resorting to flattery and deception simply to avoid tension.
Respect Authorities
The Bible encourages showing honor to those in positions of authority. Christians are instructed, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:1) and to show them respect as God’s servants for our good (1 Peter 2:13-17). The book of Hebrews tells us to “remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God” and not be defiant towards them (13:7,17). Of course, obeying God takes precedence if there is a conflict (Acts 5:29). But generally, the Bible promotes an attitude of respect towards parents, employers, church leaders, government officials, and others who look after our wellbeing.
Be a Gracious Guest
Scripture often depicts scenes of hospitality that provide lessons on being a polite guest. When Abraham hosted three travelers who turned out to be angels, “Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah and said, ‘Quick! Take three measures of the finest flour, knead it, and make bread.’…Then he ran to the herd and selected a tender, choice calf, and gave it to a young servant, who hurried to prepare it” (Genesis 18:6-7). This model of promptness and going above and beyond for guests is commended. The Israelites also asked for hospitality gracefully when fleeing Egypt, as God instructed them to request silver, gold, and clothing from their Egyptian neighbors (Exodus 11:2). And when visiting the home of Mary and Martha, Jesus graciously accepted their hospitality, even though Martha became upset with her sister (Luke 10:38-42).
Offer Hospitality Cheerfully
Just as the Bible promotes etiquette for guests, it also teaches how hosts should act. When entertaining guests, God’s people are encouraged to do so joyfully and generously. The apostle Peter wrote, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). Complaining or resentment over the cost, time, or burden of providing hospitality goes against the willing spirit we are called to exhibit. The apostle Paul commended the Macedonians because in their poverty, they urgently pleaded for the privilege of sharing with the saints, begging to “take part in the relief of the saints” (2 Corinthians 8:4). As hosts, Christians should follow Christ’s example of serving others sacrificially and considering their needs above our own convenience or comfort.
Present Ourselves Well
While Scripture does not mandate formal attire and polished manners in every situation, it does speak to presenting ourselves well outwardly as a reflection of our inner character. The book of Esther describes Esther undergoing 12 months of beauty treatments in the harem before approaching King Xerxes, illustrating the importance of proper presentation when approaching nobility (Esther 2:12-13). Israelites were instructed to adorn themselves presentably when appearing before God for feasts (Exodus 19:10-11). The New Testament tells women to dress modestly and discreetly (1 Timothy 2:9). While we are not to over-emphasize outer appearance, making ourselves and our surroundings presentable demonstrates respect for others and the occasion.
Practice Self-Control
Developing the fruit of the Spirit, which includes self-control, is imperative for behaving with grace in every situation. The book of Proverbs continually warns against overindulging in food, drink, sleep, and other appetites that can make one unruly. Christ told his disciples he would be flogged and crucified, to which Peter reacted by rebuking him. But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man” (Matthew 16:22-23). A lack of self-control often leads us to act in the flesh rather than the spirit. By exercising moderation and restraint over our desires, we exhibit mature Christian etiquette.
Steward Resources Wisely
The Bible views the resources God gives us – time, talents, money, possessions – as trusts to manage rather than ownership to exploit. In Jesus’ parable of the talents, the two servants who invested and multiplied their master’s money are rewarded, while the servant who simply buried his talent is rebuked as “wicked and slothful” (Matthew 25:14-30). We have a responsibility to be good stewards who use what God provides prudently and generously, not selfishly hoarding or wasting it. Dutifully stewarding our resources includes using money ethically, redeeming time opportunistically, employing gifts purposefully, and maintaining possessions carefully. Doing so exhibits orderliness, diligence, and gratefulness to God.
Think of Others First
When considering how to conduct ourselves, the Bible consistently appeals to the needs of others rather than personal preference or convenience. It says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Our actions should be motivated by love for God and neighbor (Mark 12:30-31), not selfishness. The apostle Paul summizes Christian manners when he says, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10). In all things, we are called to put others first.
In summary, while the Bible does not lay out formal rules for every aspect of conduct and decorum, God’s Word provides guiding principles focused on loving God and people through our character, speech, service, generosity, and grace. Scripture calls followers of Christ to a standard of etiquette and manners that considers others more highly than ourselves and promotes their wellbeing in how we interact with them. The Bible models an outward demeanor flowing from a heart changed by God’s mercy.