Flirting can be a tricky topic when it comes to what the Bible says. At first glance, it may not seem like the Bible has much to say about flirting specifically. However, when we look deeper at the principles and heart issues behind flirting, a biblical perspective emerges. Here is an overview of key points on what the Bible says about flirting:
Flirting Can Lead to Lust
One of the main dangers of flirting is that it can easily lead to lust. Lust is defined as having a strong, intense desire for something or someone. While attraction between two people is natural, lust crosses the line into sinful desire and covetousness. Jesus said that “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Flirting often intending to stir up lustful thoughts and desires. Even if flirting doesn’t go beyond words, it can still be an avenue to sin in the mind and heart.
Flirting Outside of Marriage is Dangerous
Another important biblical principle is that any romantic behavior outside of marriage is risky and unwise. The Bible promotes faithfulness within marriage (Proverbs 5:15-19) and chastity outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Flirting is often an entrance into emotional and physical intimacy apart from the covenant of marriage. Even if flirting doesn’t immediately lead to sexual sin, it can easily open the door to it by stirring up desires and growing an emotional bond with someone we aren’t committed to. Flirtatious interactions with someone who isn’t a spouse can plant temptation that can lead both parties to act on sensual desire.
Flirting Can Lead to Jealousy and Hurt
The Song of Solomon warns against stirring up love before it is ready (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). This can apply to flirting that attempts to kindle romance at the wrong time or with an unavailable person. Even if flirting is lighthearted, it can provoke hurt feelings and jealousy in others who perceive they have a claim on the person’s affections. Flirting with someone who is married or in a relationship is extremely unwise and dangerous. For single people, excessive flirting can lead current or future romantic prospects to feel insecure as well. In general, flirting can nurture jealousy and envy in relationships.
Motives Matter
When evaluating flirting from a Christian perspective, an important factor is examining the motivations behind it. Playful banter done without sensual undertones can be harmless among friends or in safe contexts. However, flirting that intends to stir up lust or romantic desire outside of marriage crosses the line. The Bible cautions against excusing sin by saying “we were only joking” (Proverbs 26:18-19). Christians are called to purity in thoughts as well as deeds (Philippians 4:8). This requires being sensitive that flirting does not cross into impure motives.
Consider Your Witness
For Christians, an important consideration is how flirting affects our witness to others. The Bible exhorts believers to be above reproach and avoid behavior that could undermine their testimony (1 Timothy 3:2, Titus 2:7-8). Flirting could send confusing signals about one’s values and availability. It could also appear hypocritical for a Christian to flirt suggestively after speaking out about biblical purity. While believers have freedom in gray areas, they are called to discern when certain actions – including flirting – are unwise or may misrepresent godliness to others.
Seek Accountability and Boundaries
Since flirting can easily lead to compromise, it is important to put safeguards in place. Seeking accountability from other believers and inviting correction can help identify blind spots where flirting may be getting out of hand. Establishing healthy boundaries with members of the opposite sex is also wise to avoid tempting situations. For those already in a committed relationship, it is crucial to establish what both consider appropriate and inappropriate when interacting with others to prevent jealousy.
Biblical Principles for Romantic Interactions
Rather than obsessing over the “line” between harmless and dangerous flirting, a better goal is striving for positive interactions with the opposite sex that align with biblical values. Here are some virtues to guide romantic conversations and relationships:
– Pure motives: Focus on getting know someone’s personality and values rather than stirring up physical attraction alone (1 Timothy 5:2).
– Honor: Treat every sister or brother in Christ with dignity as fellow image-bearers of God (1 Peter 3:7). Avoid leading on or playing with someone’s affections.
– Honesty: Be straightforward about your intentions and current relational availability (Ephesians 4:25). Ambiguity can lead to hurt feelings.
– Respect: Do not talk about those of the opposite sex in degrading ways, even in private. Remember Christ is listening (Matthew 12:36-37).
– Self-control: Be careful and intentional with your speech, posture, gaze, and physical contact to avoid awakening sensual desire (Acts 24:25, 2 Timothy 1:7).
– Wisdom: Consider not just what is allowable, but what is beneficial and constructive for cultivating godly relationships (Ephesians 5:15-17).
Guarding Against Rationalizations
It’s easy to rationalize and make excuses for flirting that crosses biblical standards. Here are some thoughts to recognize and reject:
– “It’s just harmless fun.” Flirting frequently sparks sensual thoughts that contradict Jesus’s teaching to guard our minds.
– “We’re both single.” While not technically wrong, it can easily create false intimacy and heartache.
– “No one will know.” But God sees the heart and intent, even if humans don’t.
– “It makes me feel young.” Find wholesome ways to pursue joy and zest for life without compromising godly wisdom.
– “It’s just playful.” Be cautious about “jokes” that degrade purity. Test whether it would be funny if Jesus was standing audibly next to you.
– “It’s not that serious.” Passions are difficult to constrain once awakened. Nip lust in the bud.
– “I can stop anytime.” Temptation often escalates step-by-step despite good intentions. Flee while it’s still easy.
– “We have so much chemistry.” Build relationships on shared faith and service rather than sensual sparks alone.
– “I deserve to have fun.” God’s way is freedom indeed though it may not always feel like it. Trust Him.
Wise Responses to Flirting
When confronted with flirtation directed at us, it is wise to think through how best to uphold godliness in reacting. Here are tips for responding righteously:
– Deflect backhanded compliments rather than absorbing or returning them. Say things that highlight virtues besides appearance.
– If jokes make you uncomfortable, don’t feel forced to laugh or play along. Change the subject or state your feelings honestly.
– Don’t jump to accuse or attack the other person. Give them the benefit of the doubt and clarify boundaries graciously.
– Monitor your own heart too. Reject bitterness, pride, judgmental attitudes, or lustful thoughts on your end.
– Get advice from mature believers. Don’t keep inappropriate flirting secret due to embarrassment but seek help.
– Focus conversations on spiritual matters and steer clear of risky topics that could ignite improper emotions.
– If it is a fellow believer, appeal to their conscience and faith. Call them to join you in fleeing from sin.
– Be prepared to limit contact in serious cases if reasonable conversation does not lead to repentance and change.
Prayer and Discernment About Romance
Navigating romantic attraction and interests requires prayerful wisdom and dependence on the Holy Spirit. Here are some ways to seek God’s help in this area:
– Ask Him to purify your heart motives and for grace to flee lust.
– Seek wisdom in knowing when to pursue or abstain from a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage (James 1:5).
– Test if a romantic interest is equally yoked in faith and godly values (2 Corinthians 6:14).
– Discern side-by-side if God is leading you both toward marriage, not just assuming so.
– Evaluate regularly if the relationship provokes you to holiness or hinders your walk with God (Hebrews 10:24-25).
– Invite other believers to observe your relationship dynamics and offer counsel.
– Avoid moving too quickly with emotional or physical intimacy that could compromise purity.
– Discuss biblical standards about purity, communication, and commitment early while dating.
– Break things off if significant conflict arises over core spiritual values and relationship boundaries.
Conclusion
Scripture provides wise guardrails forhow romantic interest and attraction should – and should not – be expressed. While the Bible does not prohibit all forms of flirting, it clearly cautions against flirting that leads to lust, jealousy, and compromise outside of marriage. Believers are called to be people of truth, integrity, self-control, and wisdom in how they interact with the opposite sex. This requires careful consideration of motives and potential consequences when it comes to flirtatious speech and behavior. Rather than dance near the line, Christians would be wise to pursue overtly godly relationships and reserve flirtatiousness for marriage. With the Spirit’s help and strong biblical community, it is possible to honor God even in attraction and romance.