The term “incel” stands for “involuntary celibate” and refers to a person who desires romantic or sexual relationships but has difficulty forming or maintaining them. While the term can apply to both men and women, it is most commonly associated with men who feel sexually or romantically unsuccessful. The incel community generally believes that factors out of their control, such as their appearance, socioeconomic status, or personality traits, prevent them from finding a partner. Some incels harbor resentment, jealousy, or anger towards women and sexually active men as a result of their celibacy.
The Bible does not directly address the concept of incels, as the term is modern. However, Scripture provides guidance on principles related to singleness, sexuality, and healthy relationships that can offer wisdom. Here are some biblical perspectives on factors relevant to the incel discussion:
Appearance and Self-Worth
Incels often feel their physical appearance or attributes make them undeserving of love and intimacy. The Bible teaches that human worth is not dependent on outward appearance:
“Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
“Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)
While taking care of oneself physically is good stewardship, true identity and value come from being made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Incels should not find their worth in their looks or base their self-esteem on whether they can find a partner.
Sexual Desires
Incels intensely desire sexual intimacy but have been unable to experience it. Scripture honors sex within marriage but prohibits it outside of marriage:
“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Sexual desire in and of itself is not sinful, but must be governed by self-control and oriented toward God’s design for intimacy in marriage. Incels should avoid bitterness about unfulfilled desires and instead seek God for help aligning passions with His will.
Rejection and Loneliness
Incels often feel intense rejection and loneliness due to relational failures. The Bible validates these feelings while offering comfort and hope:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
“God sets the lonely in families.” (Psalm 68:6)
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.'” (Hebrews 13:5)
God profoundly identifies with human loneliness, having endured the cross. He promises to be present with those who feel isolated. Incels can cling to God’s nearness and care when experiencing rejection.
Relational Skills
Incels often lack relational skills that contribute to forming healthy bonds. Scripture provides guidance for relating well:
“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.” (Romans 12:16)
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:4-5)
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Cultivating humility, considering others’ needs, and speaking in uplifting ways promotes healthy relationships. Incels could benefit relationally by applying these principles.
Gender Relations
Some incels harbor anger toward women, viewing relationships as transactional. Scripture teaches mutual love and respect between genders:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:28)
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” (1 Peter 3:1)
Men and women have equal dignity before God. Marriage involves mutual submission and tender care transcending gender roles. Incels should renounce misogyny and seek egalitarian, self-giving relationships.
Identity and Purpose
Feeling like romantic failure can become central to an incel’s identity. Yet the Bible teaches human value and purpose stem from God:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Incels are deeply loved creations of God with meaning beyond relationships. Centering identity on Christ provides purpose and freedom from the shame of perceived romantic failure.
In summary, while the incel phenomenon reveals profound brokenness and pain, Scripture offers relevant wisdom. Grounding self-worth in God rather than appearances, embracing His design for sexuality, finding comfort in His presence, cultivating Christlike relating, upholding mutual dignity across genders, and anchoring identity in Him alone can bring encouragement and wholeness to incels according to the Bible.