Eros love, also known as erotic love, refers to romantic or sexual love in the Bible. The word “eros” does not appear in Scripture, but the concept is seen in a few passages. Eros love involves strong feelings of physical and emotional attraction between two people. It is often associated with new relationships and the excitement that comes with discovering another person intimately.
In the Old Testament, the book Song of Solomon offers a poetic depiction of lovers expressing eros love. Verses describe the joy and desire the man and woman have for one another physically and emotionally. Their speeches praise the other’s beauty and long to be near each other. Song of Solomon shows that God designed marital eros love and views it as good and beautiful (Song of Solomon 1-8).
In the New Testament, eros love appears in Jesus’ analogy about counting the cost before following Him. “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). The word “hate” is not absolute, but rather highlights that our love for Christ should far surpass even our strongest earthly loves, including eros love for a spouse. Our relationship with God should be supreme over all other human relationships.
The apostle Paul also addresses eros love in 1 Corinthians 7 when discussing marriage and celibacy. He recognizes that celibacy allows people to be less distracted in serving God. However, he also writes that it is good for a man to have a wife to fulfill his need for intimate companionship and to avoid sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:1-9). So Paul condones marital eros love as a means to constructively meet natural human desires.
Overall, the Bible shows eros love is complex. In its proper context of marriage, eros love is celebrated as a gift from God. But outside of marriage, it can become indulgent lust and lead people into sin. Like all good things, eros love must be held loosely in comparison to knowing and loving God above all else. When kept in biblical perspective, eros love between husband and wife draws them closer together and closer to experiencing God’s love.
Looking more closely at what the Bible says about eros love:
In the Old Testament, the Song of Solomon offers the clearest picture of eros love in Scripture. The poetic book depicts a young man and woman praising one another and longing to be together. Although never explicitly stated, they appear to be newlyweds, intoxicated with one another physically and emotionally. Their speeches are filled with vivid descriptions and compliments (Song of Solomon 1:9-11, 15; 4:1-7; 5:10-16; 6:4-9; 7:1-9). The two lovers oscillate between playful flirting, breathless accounts of their affection, and vulnerable admissions of their insecurities. They are completely captivated by one another. There is a natural purity, mutuality and mystery to their love – qualities that reflect how God designed marital intimacy to be.
Some key aspects of eros love seen in Song of Solomon include:
1. Exclusivity – The man and woman reserve their intimate praises and affections solely for each other, reflecting the exclusive nature of marriage (Song of Solomon 6:9; 7:10).
2. Reciprocal desire – The lovers both initiate lovemaking and desire to be with the other (Song of Solomon 2:6; 7:11-12). This mutual enjoyment differs from distorted interpretations of eros love as one-sided.
3. Celebration of physical beauty – The man and woman rave over one another’s appearance, specifically physical traits they find attractive (Song of Solomon 4:1-7; 5:10-16; 6:4-9; 7:1-9). Appreciating a spouse’s body and physical qualities is portrayed as good.
4. Longing to be together – Both lovers express an intense yearning to be in each other’s presence and consummate their love physically (Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:5; 3:4; 8:6-7). Their magnetic attraction illustrates the power of eros love.
5. Vulnerability – In the throes of love, the man and woman freely share their fears and insecurities without restraint (Song of Solomon 3:1-4; 5:2-8; 6:1). The openness helps build intimacy.
6. Mutually fulfilling – Their love seems to meet one another’s deepest needs for companionship, affection, acceptance, significance, identity, and more. For both the husband and wife, the joys of eros love are portrayed as matched and reciprocal.
7. God’s design – The wedded eros love depicted aligns with God’s design for intimacy in marriage. It is life-giving, mutually fulfilling, and purposeful within its proper biblical context.
Besides Song of Solomon, a few other Old Testament passages reference eros love based on their contexts:
– Genesis 29:18-20 – Jacob agreed to work 7 years for Laban to marry Rachel “because of his love for her.” The love described goes beyond friendship to romantic desire.
– 1 Samuel 18:20 – Saul gave his daughter Michal to David in marriage after seeing their love for each other.
– Proverbs 5:15-19 – A man should delight in his wife and be intoxicated with her love. The passage describes marital eros love as God’s intention.
Moving to the New Testament, Jesus’ teachings use eros love in metaphors about the cost of discipleship:
– Luke 14:26 – “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Jesus is not speaking literally about hating family, but uses hyperbole to emphasize that our love for God must be supreme over even our strongest earthly loves, including eros love in marriage.
– Matthew 10:37 – “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Again, Jesus highlights that our relationship with Him is more important than even family ties. The same concept would apply to eros love for a spouse – it should not be ranked above love for Christ.
In these examples, Jesus is not condemning familial love or eros love for a wife/husband. But He makes clear that following Him must be our first priority over all earthly relationships and attachments. Our identity, satisfaction, meaning, and devotion should be rooted in Christ above all else.
The apostle Paul directly addresses eros love in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. When asked whether celibacy is better than marriage, Paul recognizes the benefits of undivided devotion to the Lord that celibacy can bring:
– 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 – Paul notes he wishes all believers could remain unmarried and undistracted in serving God as he is.
– 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 – Paul observes that unmarried people can be devoted to the Lord without concern for pleasing a spouse. They are freer to serve God wholeheartedly.
However, Paul states that each person has their own gift – some for celibacy and some for marriage:
– 1 Corinthians 7:7 – “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:9 – “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
For those without the gift of celibacy, Paul recommends marriage to constructively meet their natural desire for an intimate partner and help avoid sexual sin:
– 1 Corinthians 7:2 – “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
So in a qualified way, Paul condones marital eros love for those who desire a spouse. He recognizes marriage as an honorable means of containing sexual desire and receiving companionship. For many believers, singleness allows greater undivided devotion to God. But marriage has benefits as well, including regularly meeting natural longings for human intimacy through eros love.
Paul’s comments on marriage conclude by again affirming the value of family love, while keeping God first:
– 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 – “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:38 – “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:39-40 – “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.”
Paul notes that marriage brings divided interests, but also affirms that marrying one’s beloved is good. He believes singleness allows greater devotion to the Lord, but also acknowledges marriage can bring happiness. As he does throughout 1 Corinthians 7, Paul holds marriage and singleness in tension – both carry pros and cons. The key is keeping one’s relationship with God the priority, whether married or unmarried.
In other New Testament letters, marital love appears in various contexts:
– Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A husband should be willing to sacrificially love his wife, as Christ loved the church.
– Ephesians 5:28 – “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” A husband’s eros love for his wife should emulate how he loves his own body.
– 1 Peter 3:7 – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” A husband should be considerate of his wife’s needs so that his prayers are not hindered.
– Titus 2:4 – Older women should “[Train] the young women to love their husbands and children.” This indicates loving a husband was viewed as a wifely virtue.
While not the central topic, these verses reflect a high view of marital eros love in the New Testament. Wives are called to love their husbands, and husbands to love their wives with understanding, sacrifice, and care. The passages assume the natural presence of spousal love within marriage.
In summary, the Bible contains a balanced perspective of eros love:
1. In marriage, eros love is celebrated and portrayed as God’s design for marital intimacy and procreation. The passion and desire between husband and wife draws them closer together and results in new life, both of which reflect God’s loving nature.
2. Outside of marriage, eros love can become sinful lust which distorts God’s intentions for sexuality. Unmarried eros love often manifests as envy, control, obsession, andusing others selfishly. It lacks the commitment and security of marital love.
3. Compared to a believer’s relationship with Christ, even marital eros love should be secondary. Jesus emphasizes loving Him above even the strongest earthly bonds, including eros love for a spouse. Our ultimate identity and devotion belongs to God alone.
4. For most people, celibacy is a gift allowing greater undivided devotion to God. But for many others, marriage is good and intended by God to constructively meet natural longings for companionship and intimacy.
5. Within marriage, spousal eros love should be nurtured and celebrated as a blessing from God. As with all good gifts from God, it requires wisdom and diligence to steward well for His glory.
The Bible offers a balanced and nuanced view of eros love. God created marital eros love as a beautiful means of consummating two people’s commitment to one another. It draws husband and wife together and propagates new life. But like all aspects of God’s creation, eros love in its proper place and context. Kept in perspective within marriage, eros love allows couples to serve God together through an intimate companionship He ordained.