Purity culture refers to a Christian movement that gained prominence in the 1990s and 2000s that places a strong emphasis on sexual abstinence before marriage. The core teaching is that sex should be reserved solely for marriage, and anything outside of that is sinful. This includes not just premarital sex, but also lustful thoughts, masturbation, pornography use, and immodest dressing. Adherents believe sexual purity is a matter of honoring God with your body and protecting its sanctity for your future spouse.
The purity culture movement arose in response to perceived loosening sexual mores in mainstream culture. As premarital sex became more socially acceptable, many evangelical Christian parents sought ways to instill traditional values about sexuality in their children. Books like Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye and conferences like True Love Waits promoted the idea that the best way to avoid temptation was to avoid dating and physical intimacy altogether until you were ready for marriage. Purity pledges and rings became common symbols of a commitment to remain “pure.”
While well-intentioned, purity culture has come under criticism in recent years for placing too much emphasis on virginity, making sex taboo, and promoting legalistic rules about sexuality. Critics argue it can lead to unhealthy attitudes about sex, insufficient preparation for healthy marital intimacy, LGBTQ exclusion, and shame for those who don’t live up to purity standards. Some have accused the movement of promoting “purity mythology” – the idea that remaining a virgin will lead to a fairy tale marriage and great sex.
The core biblical basis for purity culture lies in verses that speak of sexual immorality and call Christians to holiness:
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor…” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4)
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3)
These and other verses are seen as making clear commands for Christians to avoid all sexual activity outside of marriage. Purity culture seeks to take these principles to heart in a radical way, teaching young people to steer far clear of the line between purity and impurity.
Here are some key facets of purity culture and common teachings within the movement:
Abstinence before marriage
The core tenet is abstaining from all sexual activity until marriage. That means not only refraining from intercourse, but avoiding arousing behaviors like passionate kissing, touching breasts/genitals, sleeping in the same bed, manual stimulation, oral sex, and masturbation. Some advocates even say you should avoid long kisses and full-body hugs for too long before marriage, as those can be gateway behaviors to more. The key is eliminating everything that could awaken sexual desire outside God’s timing in marriage.
Modesty in dress
Girls and women are often given standards for modest dress so as not to sexually tempt males. This includes avoiding tight or revealing clothing, bare midriffs, short skirts/shorts, low-cut tops, etc. The goal is to be humble in attire and avoid deliberately drawing sexual attention to your body. Some attend modesty retreats to learn appropriate ways to dress and conduct yourself as a godly woman.
No dating until ready for marriage
Many purity advocates encourage young people to avoid dating and “giving away pieces of their heart” until they are ready to pursue marriage. Courtship under the guidance of parents is promoted over recreational dating just for fun. The no-dating approach seeks to avoid temptation and the pain of broken relationships. Some families implement elaborate courtship rituals to protect purity before marriage.
Sexual thoughts and masturbation are wrong
Lustful thoughts, sexual fantasies, pornography use, and masturbation are seen as serious sins against God’s design for sexuality. Young people are urged to bounce their eyes from tempting visuals, take lustful thoughts captive, and focus their mental energy on more righteous things. Developing mental discipline, avoiding sensual media/books, minimizing alone time, and making pledges of sexual purity are encouraged to resist sexual temptation.
Sexual purity as essential to holiness
Abstaining from sexual immorality is seen as a critical way to pursue holiness and honor God with your body, which is seen as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Just as followers of Jesus are called to be spiritually pure through avoiding sin, sexual purity is promoted as a critical dimension of pursuing an upright Christian life and closeness with God.
Sexual sin has profound consequences
Within purity culture, sexual sin often takes on an outsized weight – seen as uniquely damaging to one’s relationship with God. Some teach it permanently mars your relationship and damages your future marriage and capacity for intimacy. Books like Every Young Woman’s Battle highlight studies on bonding hormones and argue giving away your sexual intimacy prematurely can negatively impact marriage. Breaking purity commitments is seen as bringing special shame. Some churches implement ceremonies for renewing virginity pledges to motivate young people to keep pursuing purity after initial failures.
Waiting for marriage will lead to sexual fulfillment
A common teaching is that abstaining from sex will make marriage incredibly special and lead to amazing intimacy once you can finally experience sexual activity guilt-free within marriage. Your wedding night is built up as this beautiful gift you’ve protected and get to finally unwrap. There’s often inadequate discussion of sexual compatibility, women’s pleasure, sexual minorities, sexual abuse, etc. Just focus on the prize of future fulfillment, and you’ll be rewarded if you wait.
Strict courtship rituals and parental control of relationships
Many proponents of purity culture encourage courtship over dating. Courtship follows traditional gender roles more closely and puts parents in charge of facilitating relationships for marriage-minded singles rather than leaving it up to individual teens. Some implement highly structured courtship rituals limiting physical contact, ensuring parental supervision at all times, prohibiting unchaperoned trips, etc. Parents are seen as guardians of purity for protecting children from premature romantic bonds.
Shaming and legalistic treatment of sin
Critics argue purity culture often verges into legalism and can shame those who fail to uphold the high standards. Virginity and sin are conflated, with those who slip up made to feel like damaged goods. People struggling with sexual sin may be hesitant to confess or get help. Critics say grace and compassion are often lacking in addressing sexual failures. The emphasis is following the rules rather than developing an inner heart of sexual integrity.
So in summary, purity culture emphasizes abstaining completely from sexual behaviors and thoughts outside marriage, pursuing modesty in attire, avoiding dating until ready for marriage, keeping your heart and mind sexually pure, and placing guardrails around relationships to avoid sexual temptation. The goal is honoring God, living holy lives, fulfilling God’s sexual design within marriage, and avoiding the consequences of sexual sin.
Purity culture arose from good intentions to promote biblical sexual ethics amidst loosening cultural values. However, critics argue that some aspects have proven problematic in practice. Here are some potential dangers and downsides:
Unhealthy attitudes about sex
When taken to an extreme, purity culture can promote shame, anxiety, and unhealthy attitudes around sex. It can give the impression all sex is dirty before marriage. Teaching girls they’re responsible for boys’ lust can lead to distorted self-images. Depicting people who’ve had premarital sex as irreparably damaged can lead to despair. Sex within marriage can still feel taboo if too much emphasis is put on its dangers beforehand.
Inadequate marriage/sexuality preparation
With so much emphasis on abstinence, purity culture provides little guidance for nurturing healthy sexuality in marriage. Couples can experience whiplash going from purity fixation to suddenly having complete freedom. Many need counseling for issues like modesty-related hangups, low desire, shame, painful intercourse, sexual anxiety, and lack of knowledge about female pleasure – problems arguably exacerbated by the purity obsession.
Legalism and rule-following, not heart-changing
Critics argue purity culture often relies on legalistic boundaries that try to control behavior but don’t address root motivations and heart issues. It’s more focused on virginity than cultivating an inner sense of dignity. Checklist approaches create problems when people inevitably break the rules. And the strict standards often aren’t sustainable once married. More emphasis could be placed on developing wisdom, self-control, and obedience that flows from love of God.
LGBTQ exclusion
Purity culture tends to exclusively address heterosexual relationships, providing little guidance for those navigating same-sex attraction or gender identity questions. The narrow emphasis on abstinence until traditional marriage leaves many LGBTQ people feeling alienated and hopeless. Affirming celibate gay Christians also often feelUNSUPPORTED BY PURITY CULTURE’S RULES AND FIXATION ON MARRIAGE AS THE SOLUTION.
Idolization of virginity and marriage
Critics argue that purity culture can idolize virginity, placing one’s value in physical purity rather than Christ-like character. Similarly, it can make marriage into an idol as the solution to legitimize sexuality. singles feel excluded and marriage put on a pedestal it can’t sustain. Marriage does not magically remove all sexual problems or struggles. Wholeness comes from Jesus, not marital status.
In summary, potential dangers include distorting views of sex, inadequate marriage prep, legalism trumping heart-change, LGBTQ marginalization, and idolizing virginity or marriage over Jesus. These criticisms deserve consideration for a balanced, compassionate approach.
So how should Christians approach sexual ethics amidst concerns about aspects of purity culture going too far? Here are some tips for a wise, gracious, biblical approach:
Emphasize wholeness in Christ over virginity
Our worth and dignity come from Jesus, not our sexual history. Avoid tying virginity to one’s identity or spirituality. Use grace with sexual failures rather than shame. Help people find their identity in Christ more than marriage or family outcomes.
Address heart motivations over rules
Legalistic checklists will only take us so far. Help people appreciate God’s design for sexuality out of love for Him, not just fear of disobedience. Focus on nurturing wisdom, integrity, and character that flow from transformed hearts.
Give a bigger view of holiness
Avoid allowing sexual purity to overshadow practicing justice, generosity, integrity, courage, self-control in all areas, and the other heart virtues Scripture emphasizes. Help broaden the picture of holiness.
Provide robust marriage prep
If you teach the “wait for marriage” ethic, balance it with candid marriage prep. Discuss navigating sexual expectations, intimacy skills, handling sexual shame or trauma, ensuring mutual pleasure and consent, contraception, and more to equip couples to flourish.
Address sexual ethics with humility
No one has it all figured out. We’re all on a journey. Approach sexual discipleship with empathy for the challenges people face, not judgment. Don’t treat marriage as the finish line; sexual growth continues through life’s ups and downs.
Make space for complexity
Avoid simplistic, one-size-fits-all stances on sexual ethics. Make space for nuance and wisdom in various situations. Not all acts or thoughts fit neatly in “pure” or “impure” categories. Meet people where they’re at.
Focus on both genders
Teach men and women alike about embracing God’s design for sexuality. Don’t overburden women with responsibility for modesty without challenging men toward self-control. Cultivate mutual respect across genders in dating and marriage.
Welcome LGBTQ people
Provide realistic, compassionate discipleship for those navigating LGBTQ questions. Make space for celibate gay Christians to thrive in your community. Avoid alienating those who don’t fit the straight, cisgender, married norm.
Major on Jesus, minor on purity rules
The gospel is about grace, hope, and becoming whole in Christ. Rules on abstinence, dating, and apparel choices are applications, not the heart. Keep Jesus, not virginity pledges, as the centerpiece always. Offer abundant hope, grace, and wisdom as we all walk toward sexual wholeness.
In summary, a balanced approach focuses on transforming hearts, broad holiness, nuanced wisdom, grace over shame, marriage prep, humility, embracing complexity, equality, and centering Jesus over purity standards. We can uphold biblical sexual ethics without legalism or marginalization.
The purity culture movement arose from a desire to honor God through sexuality, but has faced criticism over legalism and unhealthy attitudes it can foster. As the church navigates this issue, here are some final reminders:
Seek wisdom
There are rarely cookie-cutter answers to apply legalistically. We need prayer, discernment, and counsel from the Spirit and other wise believers to walk in sexual integrity in wise ways.
Hold convictions humbly
Have convictions but hold them humbly, knowing good people differ. Make room for discussion, nuance, and growth. Dogma and self-righteousness hamper grace and wisdom.
Major on what’s clear, minor on disputable matters
(Romans 14:1)
There are some clear biblical principles for sexual holiness, while other convictions are in disputable areas. Major on the clearest aspects of sexual ethics that are uncontested rather than fixating on debatable standards.
Lead with grace and hope
Jesus met sexual sinners with compassion. As His followers, we’re called to grace and hope. God can redeem anyone from any past. Believe the best of people, not the worst.
Make Jesus the ultimate treasure
Rules can only go so far. What matters most is our hearts finding supreme satisfaction in Christ as our highest treasure and greatest love. He alone brings true righteousness, wholeness, and joy.
In conclusion, purity culture aims to honor God through sexuality but needs balance to avoid legalism, shame, and an unhealthy relationship to sex. With wisdom, grace, nuance, and Christ-centeredness, the church can uphold God’s design for sexual holiness in wholesome rather than repressive ways. The purity conversation continues to develop, but Jesus remains the faithful anchor amidst it all.