In the Christian tradition, engagement is seen as an important step in a romantic relationship, marking the period between the decision to marry and the actual marriage ceremony. While not explicitly discussed in the Bible, Christian teachings provide guidance on how to approach this special season.
The overarching principles for Christian relationships and marriage laid out in the Bible – love, commitment, sacrifice, service, and faithfulness – apply to engagements as well. An engagement period is meant for a man and woman to deepen their bond, grow closer to God individually and as a couple, seek wise counsel, and prayerfully prepare for the covenant of marriage.
Here are some key points on the Christian perspective on engagements:
1. Purpose of Engagement
In the Christian view, engagement is a time to continue discerning God’s will for the relationship and take intentional steps toward marriage. It provides a period of preparation – spiritually, practically, emotionally – for the responsibilities of married life. Engagement is not just about planning a wedding day but about laying a strong foundation for a lifelong partnership centered on faith.
During this season, the couple should focus on:
- Strengthening their relationship with God and each other through Bible study, prayer, church involvement, and Christian fellowship
- Seeking premarital counseling from pastors or mature Christian mentors
- Discussing and clarifying expectations around roles, finances, intimacy, children, etc.
- Working through any differences and learning conflict resolution skills
- Making practical preparations for the wedding and marriage – logistics, budgeting, combining households, etc.
This intentional preparation time is seen as invaluable. While engagements are usually exciting, they can also reveal issues to work through.
2. Guidance on Intimacy and Purity
The Bible promotes celibacy before marriage and condemns sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Hence Christians are called to maintain moral purity during the engagement period. While intimacy progresses in the relationship, couples should set physical boundaries and not go further than what honors God.
That said, there are diverse views on permissible forms of intimacy for engaged couples, from restricting to only modest affection to allowing for some sexual exploration if both are fully committed to marriage. The principle is to avoid temptation, “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18), and keep sex contained within marriage.
Open communication, accountability, prayer, and wisdom from godly mentors help couples stick to biblical standards for moral behavior and sexual purity throughout their engagement.
3. Commitment and Covenant
Engagement represents a solemn pledge and a major step of commitment in a dating relationship. While not yet a marriage covenant, Christian couples at this stage are called to honor their promises of fidelity and lifeline devotion. Breaking off an engagement is considered a serious matter.
“When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said” (Numbers 30:2).
That said, if major issues emerge that clearly reveal it’s not a God-ordained match, ending an engagement may be the wise and moral choice. But this decision should be made carefully and prayerfully, seeking godly counsel.
4. Waiting Until Marriage
Engagement is a time of waiting expectantly for the wedding day. While it’s an exciting prospect, patience and self-control are key. The marriage covenant brings God’s blessing; Noah was told to enter the ark with his wife “and be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 7:1). So Christians should wait for marriage to consummate the relationship sexually and start a family.
The engagement period is meant for learning to love selflessly, communicate openly, resolve conflict well, and serve each other – skills vital for marriage. It should focus more on cultivating shared faith and life purpose than just wedding planning.
5. Family Involvement
In the Bible, marriages were family affairs. Engagement is thus seen as joining two families, not just two individuals. Meeting each other’s relatives and gaining their blessing is an important part of this season. Parents and siblings provide support and godly insight to guide the couple through major decisions leading up to the wedding.
Genesis 24 narrates how Abraham took great care to find a suitable wife (Rebekah) for his son Isaac. Parents who are prayerfully involved and bless the engagement honor Biblical principles.
6. Community Accountability
In addition to family, the local church community and close Christian friends have a role in nurturing an engaged couple’s relationship. Those around them should uphold them in prayer, provide a soundboard when needed, and keep them accountable to God’s Word.
Engaged couples need this godly encouragement and counsel to strengthen their bond in godliness and preparation for marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
7. God at the Center
As with all Christian relationships, keeping God at the center is crucial during engagement. Regular prayer, scripture reading, and worship as a couple create a strong spiritual foundation. It also guards against idolizing each other or letting wedding preparations become an all-consuming distraction.
The engagement period is about more than just the wedding date. It is a special time for drawing closer to God, discerning His will, and establishing spiritual disciplines that will carry couples through married life.
8. Cohabitation Caution
Many modern couples live together during engagements for convenience or to test compatibility. However, Christian teachings advise against cohabitation until marriage. While sharing an apartment might seem practical, it can also compromise purity and hinder fully depending on faith.
“Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14). Couples are encouraged to live separately with trusted roommates or parents when feasible. But in any case, set boundaries and seek accountability.
9. Unequally Yoked Relationships
While reaching out to unbelievers with love is encouraged generally, the Bible advises against Christians marrying non-Christians:
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Interfaith relationships face added challenges and need even more prayer and counsel to discern God’s wisdom. Both partners should seek salvation and spiritual growth during the engagement.
10. Honoring God’s Timing
Christian engagements aim for marriages centered on godliness and service. Couples should keep perspective that while weddings are exciting, they’re just the start of this new chapter. The wedding planning should not overshadow growth and preparation for roles as wife, husband, and perhaps parent.
Ruth was patient, saying to Boaz, “you are next of kin to him, but there is a relative closer than I am” (Ruth 3:12). Likewise, Christian couples should trust God’s timing in their relationship.
If engagement is a season of intentional preparation and waiting on God’s plan to unfold, the marriage will rest on an unshakable foundation of faith. With Christ at the center, engaged couples can discern His call to consecrated marriage and family life. They approach one of life’s biggest transitions surrounded by godly love, wisdom, and community support.
The Christian tradition offers engaged couples guidance to grow together in faith and readiness for marriage. While unique to each relationship, biblical principles provide a framework for this special season of commitment, purity, counsel, prayer, and patience as they embark on a new adventure in life and love.