Dating and courting are two common practices in Western culture for people to get to know one another romantically with the intention of pursuing marriage. However, there are some key differences between these two approaches when examined through a biblical lens.
Definition of Dating
Dating today is commonly understood as a romantic relationship between two people who are casually getting to know each other. There is no expressed intention or expectation for the relationship to lead to marriage. Dating is often considered a recreational activity where each person is out to find their best match and have fun in the process. In modern dating, intimacy, physical touch and even sexual activity often occur before any long-term commitment is made.
According to the Bible, the practice of modern dating does not always align with God’s design for relationships. While the Bible does not explicitly mention the word “dating,” there are some principles and examples that can help provide guidance for believers who desire to date in a way that honors God.
Key Principles for Biblical Dating
- Set appropriate physical boundaries – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 instructs believers to abstain from sexual immorality and to control their own bodies in holiness and honor.
- Date Believers – 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Marriage to a non-Christian is discouraged.
- Seek godly counsel – Proverbs 11:14 emphasizes the wisdom of seeking guidance from godly advisors.
- Be pure in heart and mind – Matthew 5:8 and Philippians 4:8 exhort believers to dwell on what is pure, lovely and admirable.
- Remember your identity in Christ – 2 Corinthians 5:17 says believers are a new creation in Christ, which should impact all areas of life including dating.
There are also some examples in Scripture that demonstrate godly dating principles:
- Ruth and Boaz cultivated a friendship first. As they spent time together, mutual care and respect developed before marriage followed (Ruth 2-4).
- Samson was strongly discouraged from marrying a Philistine woman who did not share his faith, but he ignored this counsel and experienced negative consequences (Judges 14).
- Shechem was fixated on Jacob’s daughter Dinah based on her outer beauty alone. This ungodly approach led to immorality and violence (Genesis 34).
While the Bible does not outline specific dating rules, these principles and examples help provide guidance for believers seeking to date in a way that glorifies God.
Definition of Courting
Courting is a more traditional approach to getting to know someone romantically with the expressed intention and goal of pursuing marriage. Unlike modern dating, courting emphasizes spiritual and emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. Those who engage in courting believe it helps protect the hearts of both persons by avoiding temptations that arise from physical intimacy happening too soon without a serious commitment in place.
There are different ideas about what courting looks like in practice, but common components include:
- Focus on spiritual and emotional intimacy first without quickly becoming physical
- Intentionality about assessing suitability for marriage
- Oversight and involvement from parents
- Minimal privacy or one-on-one time so couples are not put in temptation’s way
- No physical intimacy beyond holding hands or brief hugging
- Often shorter in duration, even several weeks or months since marriage is the expected outcome
Those who favor courting believe it enables clarity about a potential marriage partner to develop without being clouded by emotions or temptation that can arise from physical intimacy and sexuality. Courting proponents believe this approach better aligns with biblical principles for romantic relationships leading to marriage.
Key Biblical Support for Courting
The Bible does not use the term “courting,” but several principles and examples reflect aspects of a modern courting approach:
- 1 Corinthians 6:18 instructs believers to flee sexual immorality and honor God with your body.
- Ephesians 5:3 says not to let sexual immorality even be hinted at among believers.
- The Song of Solomon highlights the importance of emotional and spiritual intimacy in marriage.
- Ruth’s godly character was Boaz’s first attraction to her as he sought a wife (Ruth 3:10-11)
- Parents were highly involved in determining Isaac’s wife (Genesis 24)
- Singleness was valued and not seen as a deficiency (1 Corinthians 7:6-9)
While the Bible does not provide a strict model for courtship, many biblical principles align with core tenets of a courting approach. Courting methodology seeks to avoid temptation and intimacy before commitment to honor God’s design for marriage.
Key Differences Between Dating and Courting
There are some clear differences between dating and courting when examined from a biblical perspective. Here are some of the key distinctions:
- Intent and Direction – Dating often has no clear intention while courting pursues marriage.
- Commitment – Dating may involve more casual relationships while courting encourages commitment and exclusivity.
- Intimacy – Physical intimacy progresses much quicker in dating while courting preserves intimacy for marriage.
- Structure – Dating is often unstructured without clear guidelines while courting has structure and boundaries.
- Accountability – Dating is often independent while courting involves family and/or community.
- Duration – Dating may last for years with no marriage plans while courting is shorter and goal-oriented.
The key distinction comes down to approach. Dating is more recreational and concentrates on enjoying romantic relationships whereas courting intentionally pursues marriage with greater structure and accountability.
Practical Guidance for Believers
For Christians seeking to apply biblical principles to dating and relationships, here are some practical tips:
- Pray and seek godly counsel about romantic relationships – Proverbs 19:20, James 1:5
- Be equally yoked – 2 Corinthians 6:14 teaches not to be mismatched with unbelievers.
- Honor God with your body – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8
- Prioritize spiritual intimacy and growth together – 2 Peter 1:3-9
- Involve family and community for accountability – Genesis 24, Proverbs 11:14
- Seek clarity about marriage readiness – 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
- Set physical boundaries – 1 Corinthians 7:1, Ephesians 5:3
The Bible does not provide a one-size-fits all approach, but God’s principles can guide believers to date and court in ways that honor Christ and potential marriage partners. Seeking godly wisdom, staying accountable and keeping intimacy rightly aligned are key aspects for glorifying God in romantic relationships.
Conclusion
Dating and courting share similarities but have key distinctions. Dating is more casual, unstructured and purposefully recreational. Courting is more intentional with the end goal of marriage from the outset. Modern dating often places physical intimacy before commitment. Courting seeks to preserve physical intimacy for the commitment of marriage alone. Biblical principles can provide helpful guidance for believers seeking to navigate dating and courting relationships in a God-honoring way.