Toxic positivity refers to the practice of avoiding, minimizing or denying negative emotions in favor of focusing solely on positive ones. It involves pressuring oneself or others to maintain a happy, upbeat attitude even in the face of sadness, anger, grief or other difficult emotions.
While maintaining a positive mindset can be healthy at times, toxic positivity takes this to an extreme. It rejects any expression of negativity or vulnerability as “weak” or “negative thinking.” Toxic positivity focuses exclusively on positive emotions and thoughts, even when they are unreasonable or unhealthy given the circumstances.
Some hallmarks of toxic positivity include:
– Forcing oneself to be happy or upbeat at all times, even when grieving a loss or coping with trauma.
– Dismissing negative emotions as unnecessary or exaggerated.
– Avoiding difficult conversations or pretending problems don’t exist.
– Blaming oneself for feeling sadness, anger or fear.
– Pressuring others to ignore their pain and “look on the bright side.”
– Offering platitudes like “good vibes only,” “don’t be so negative” or “it could be worse” when someone is struggling.
– Refusing to empathize with another’s suffering to avoid “catching their negativity.”
– Viewing sadness as a sign of weakness or lack of faith.
The Bible offers perspective on properly handling our emotions, both positive and negative. Scripture neither condemns grieving and lament nor demands constant optimism. Instead, it offers guidance for wisely processing our feelings under God’s care.
Old Testament precedent for grieving
The Old Testament shows that God’s people expressed the full range of human emotion. They did not attempt to suppress their feelings of sadness, anger or fear. The Psalms convey deep anguish, grief and doubt at times. Ecclesiastes documents the despair Solomon felt attempting to find purpose apart from God. God met His people in their suffering and offered comfort and redemption.
Examples of godly lament:
Psalm 13:1-2 – “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?”
Psalm 42:9-10 – “I say to God, my rock: ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?’ As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?'”
Ecclesiastes 1:2 – “‘Vanity of vanities,’ says the Preacher, ‘vanity of vanities! All is vanity.'”
The book of Lamentations contains an outpouring of grief over Jerusalem’s destruction. Yet God met His people in their mourning.
Lamentations 3:31-33 – “For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love.”
Allowing people to voice pain may have caused discomfort for onlookers. But God did not rebuke expressions of authentic sorrow.
While lament filled much of their poetry, the Psalms also contain great praise and joy. The same believers who cried out to God also worshipped Him exuberantly at times. God graciously guided His people through seasons of both mourning and dancing.
Psalm 30:11-12 – “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”
Jesus as a man of sorrows
The New Testament continues this theme. Jesus Himself was prophesied as a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). During His earthly ministry, Christ did not gloss over human suffering or paste a smile on for appearances. He wept at a friend’s tomb (John 11:35). He expressed anger at religious hypocrisy that burdened people (Matthew 21:12-13). He shared the disciples’ sorrow on the night before His death (John 16:6, 20-22).
As Christ bore humanity’s sin and pain on the cross, He cried out in anguish, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). Yet He submitted to the Father’s will and trusted God for joy beyond the torment (Hebrews 12:2).
Jesus promises peace, not constant euphoria
Though He bore many sorrows, Jesus also encouraged His followers to have hope.
John 16:33 – “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
This verse acknowledges inevitable troubles for believers. But Christ promises inner peace amid hardship through faith in Him. His words to the disciples did not deny their coming grief at His death. But He directed their focus to the comfort of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-18). He assured them the sorrow of His death would turn to joy after His resurrection (John 16:20-22). Christ never expected or demanded constant happiness from His followers. But He did promise the redemptive power of suffering under God’s sovereignty.
Jesus explained that carefree obliviousness is unrealistic. Disciples should expect persecution and hatred from others on account of Him (Matthew 10:22-23). However, in the midst of mistreatment, Jesus pointed to the Father’s care:
Matthew 10:29-31 – “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
God understands when hardship elicits grief or fear. Bringing these emotions to Him opens the way for comfort and healing.
The epistles instruct on balancing joy and sorrow
Paul’s epistles contain much teaching on living in godly wisdom and peace. A key theme is balancing rejoicing with lament.
In Philippians 4:4, Paul instructs, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.” But this exhortation to continual joy in Christ bookends verses about both praying with thanksgiving and bringing anxieties to God (Philippians 4:6-7). Rejoicing always does not require denying or suppressing every negative feeling. It means sustaining hope in Christ amid both celebration and grief.
Likewise, 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says to “rejoice always.” A few verses later, Paul clarifies this should not prohibit expression of emotion.
1 Thessalonians 5:14 – “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
Romans 12:15 also offers a nuanced view: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Healthy interactions require empathy and honesty about the full range of human experiences.
Paul himself voiced lament over hardships like despair over his “wretched” struggle with sin (Romans 7:24), anguish over his people Israel’s unbelief (Romans 9:2), and concern for fellow believers enduring trial (2 Corinthians 11:28-29). Yet he consistently fixed hope on redemption in Christ.
The book of James instructs on asking God for wisdom to persevere through various trials (James 1:2-8). James 4:7-10 directs bringing anxiety to God rather than denying it. Verses 8-10 encourage mourning over sin when convicted by the Spirit. Again Scripture does not advise repressing healthy sorrow to maintain only positive feelings.
Maintaining perspective through difficulties
The Bible makes clear that denying or avoiding negative emotions can be unhealthy and unwise. God created humanity with a capacity for a range of feelings and experiences. Walking with Him through ups and downs allows full expression while still fostering hope.
Ecclesiastes 3 acknowledges there are seasons for varied emotions.
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 – “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…a time to weep, and a time to laugh…”
Suffering can challenge faith, but persevering through it with God’s help produces maturity and character.
Romans 5:3-5 – “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
This passage does not minimize or dismiss agony. But it asserts confident faith that God uses hardship for ultimate good.
The Psalms also frequently shift between crying out in distress and recalling God’s redemption. Honest expressions of grief open the way for renewed perspective of God’s sovereignty, goodness and salvation.
Psalm 13:5-6 – “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.”
Psalm 30:5 – “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Rather than demanding happiness at all times, Scripture shows God meets us in suffering and infuses joy again when we turn to Him. Christian joy exists alongside, not apart from, proper lament.
The example of Christ and biblical precedent show that truly righteous thinking allows space for the full range of emotions. Godly wisdom mourns with those who mourn and rejoices with those who rejoice. Toxic positivity denies reality. But sincerely engaging both positive and negative experiences opens the way for deep work of the Spirit. As Paul exhorts, we can learn the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, with Christ’s strength (Philippians 4:12-13).
God cares for those grieving loss. He does not shame people for painful emotions themselves, though He convicts us over sinful responses to them. Bringing hurts and fears to God allows healing perspective. Jesus promises the Holy Spirit will comfort in sorrow and offer hope and joy. But He never demands happy pretense. Instead He invites honesty, then provides grace and wisdom for navigating all seasons.